This might get long and I tend to ramble, so I hope you will forgive me.

This morning I hit 151 lbs, bringing my weight loss to 99 total pounds and one pound from my initial goal. I'm probably still going to shoot for maybe up to 5 pounds more than that, but I'm really feeling like this part of my journey is winding down. Anyway, I had some time this morning and figured that I would take some pictures to see what shirt I wanted to wear for my 'hit 100 lbs lost' pic and I was pretty satisfied with the results. My stomach could be a little flatter and my arms are still more flabby than I'd like but still, I was feeling pretty confident.

Things got strange when I started putting my new pictures with my old ones though. I have some pictures from 200 lbs, and I can really see the difference and putting the new and old ones together made me very happy. But when I looked at the only 2 pictures I have of my at 250, I was really shocked. They were on an old computer, so I haven't actually seen them in a long time and I had forgotten what I looked like. Maybe because I gained those last 50 lbs over about a year, and was only at my highest weight for a short time, but it really doesn't feel like it was real. But thinking back, I remember thinking the same thing when the pictures were first taken. I was so depressed and disconnected from my body that I was still seeing someone just a bit bigger than in my 200 lbs pictures.

So now, where I thought I would feel really excited to do a comparison between my highest and now, I just feel confused and overwhelmed. I guess I had been ignoring that year in my life, including the weight gain, and am now feeling really confronted by it. I guess I need to accept that even when so many things in my life have improved, the history will always be there.

First congratulations on being pretty much at goal!!! Well done you! It's not easy, I KNOW!

Re: the post-body. I admit I too hoped that I would ping back into some Gisele-like creature, but the truth is obesity takes a toll on the body. I guess exercise particularly with strength might help and honestly my weight loss has been sooooo slow that I've noticed the longer I stay at a weight the better my body gets... Sometimes the body just needs to settle to another weight. All that being said, there's nothing wrong with re-adjusting your goal. I've, for a long time, flirted with re-adjusting my goal to 150. But I'm putting that on hold for now for health reasons.

Re: The Past. I recently saw a pic of myself at my heaviest at my cousins wedding and I was in 100% disbelief! I can't believe it was me even though I spent at least a year at that weight. I'm wayyyyy more comfortable comparing myself to my 210-230s pics and that's without any additional emotional baggage. I just can't believe I was that big, I look at the pics in disbelief, and even now 4 years later, I'm in denial! And those were happy times for me so I can only imagine how much harder it must be with the added history. But maybe history is not always so bad. My mom always says your history makes you wiser, stronger and more appreciative, and it's kinda true.

You've done so so well! Enjoy your new fitter, healthier life! No need to look too far back for now, if it upsets you.

I think we all deny how we really look, no matter how long or short a time we're there. I know I did. I was over 250 for 2 decades! Evert picture from those years made an impact when it was taken (first viewed, I guess, is more accurate) and then was forgotten - a defense mechanism, I suppose.

But you said the magic word - HISTORY. It's the past. Congratulations on the present. And the bright outlook for the future. good luck in the maintenance part of the trip! You'll do well, I know.

Lin

I was in the 300's for years. I was in total denial. I look at my before picture often to remind me how far I've come and how I never want to go back. But, yes, it's like seeing a stranger! First time I finally took a pic at my highest weight, I couldn't believe that was me. Sure, I knew I was really heavy, but I didn't know I looked THAT heavy! I was crushed. But, i looked at that picture often during my weight loss...it kept me going!

Congrats on your weight loss!! I can't wait to see your before and after pics when you're ready to share them. Keep that before picture...it'll help remind you how far you've come! You are awesome!

I was in the 300s for years too, living in complete denial that at 5'8 I somehow was "bigger boned than most and carried it well" LOL or that I need more calories than the next person. It's all what you get used to - I have a friend who lived with a hoarding type situation for about 10 years before she got help, I mean, the type where the bathtub doesn't work and she was washing in the kitchen sink while standing in a rubbermaid container! She broke down and shared these things with me, and then we went to work on her house. But she got USED to it. We all do, in one form or another.

Till we take RED pill in the Matrix and WAKE UP to reality lol and then we get on it!