Overweight is NOT good enough: plateau psychology
 

I just posted my bio in the "bio" thread and it got me thinking about my journey thus far. This will probably be a bit lengthy, but I think I just need some space to work out what's going on in my head :) Hopefully someone else will be able to relate!

So I started in January of 2010 at 274 lbs. I lost like crazy the first 5 months then decided to slow down a bit for the summer (still lost, just at a slower pace.) Got back on the horse in the fall, got to onederland (big milestone for me) and by year's end I had lost somewhere around 80 lbs. That spring I hit the 180's and left obesity behind me. I was "just" overweight! Hit the 170's later that spring and kind of stalled out. Decided to have another "maintenance" summer, which was actually quite successful, considering I rarely counted calories and just ate intuitively, stayed active and generally enjoyed life. It was really great practice for when I eventually get to my final goal and "real" maintenance, and proof to myself that I CAN keep the weight off.

Labor Day rolled around and it was time to get back on the horse again and start working toward a healthy BMI and my final goal. Then came the dreaded plateau. For the past two months I've been bouncing around between 176-178. I will admit I haven't always been 100% OP. But while maintaining my weight over the summer seemed so effortless, my TRYING to lose again now seems like so much more work, with the same results.

Trying to stay positive through the plateau, I tell myself that not losing every week isn't a failure, that I'm a success for keeping 98 lbs off. While that's true, my fear is that I will eventually just be OK with 176 and lose my motivation to keep going.

It's easy enough to do. Though I know I'm still overweight, I feel relatively "normal" compared to the general population (which as we all know, 2/3rds of us are overweight or obese in the U.S.) I can wear "normal" sizes. I can actually run or jog a few blocks and not feel like I'm going to die. I'm far from perfect, but I'm also far cry from what I used to be. I'm "good enough."

I have 2 more lbs to go until my next big milestone, 100 lbs lost. I feel like if I can just get there, I will be motivated to keep going. But it's been a long time coming....it's like the proverbial carrot that's perpetually just out of reach. In my mind, 2 lbs seems to be the boundary between complacency and the road to success. Two. Lousy. Pounds.

Intellectually, I know these 2 lbs are no different from any other 2 lbs. They're not magical or special. They're another 7000 calories worth of excess fat that I don't need on my body. But oh, how our minds like to attach special meaning to arbitrary numbers.

Though I'm frustrated, I will not give in to complacency. I've come too far to settle for less than what I set out to do. I knew this would take time. Unlike previous weight loss attempts, this time is different because I finally know how to keep the weight OFF. I've lost 98 lbs, there's no reason I can't lose 25 or 30 more. I know I can do this...and I WILL do this. I just have to remind myself why sometimes.

I too have struggled the "numbers"! However, after much thought and prayer, I have come to believe that my lifestyle change - eating healthy and exercising will bring my body to the correct weight. I have shifted my thinking somewhat to believe that my healthy weight will not be a "number" but a healthy body.

Lisa

You have really come a long way! 100 Lbs. lost is so amazing. I go through periods that I lose my motivation but it comes back again. I think we just need small breaks sometimes.
You write so beautifully too- you could write articles for magazines- you motivated me!
Your doing a great job congratulations!

Lisa: congrats to you! I hope to join you in the 100 lb club soon :) You have a great philosophy on weight loss.

Goal: Hello! I think I remember you from some of the "decade" threads? Thanks for the compliments and encouragement, I really appreciate it. You're doing great too! Keep up the good work.

I understand your fears sooo much because I'm going through the same thing. I'm 4lbs away from 100 lbs lost and I'm stuck and feeling like I'm failing by not getting there and like the 96 lbs I've lost is not worth that much if I can't even lose the 4 "measly" pounds to get to my milestone. Just to point out, it's been 8 months and 10 lbs since my last milestone (Overweight bmi) so I'm not talking a mini-stall of a couple of weeks here. I REALLY get what you're saying.

Obviously, intellectually, I know this is stupid and doesn't make sense. But I feel like an underachiever. I'm just trying to keep on keeping on right now, after all this is not a "diet," it's a "lifestyle change" so I might as well continue anyway, irrespective of the scale. Someday my weightloss will come. I've come too far to fail, that's 100% not an option. And if it came down to staying this weight forever or going back to where I started, I'd pick this weight in a heartbeat and dance around like the champ I am for making it this far. Even though it WOULD be nicer to make it to goal...

Toastedsmoke: Wow, we have very similar "stats." I totally feel you too. We will have to celebrate our 100 lb milestone together, because we WILL get there!

You're right though...we either keep on keepin' on (even if we don't lose another lb in our lives) or go back to where we were. NOT an option.

I hate to say misery loves company, but I'm so glad to know there are others going through the same thing. I love reading the success stories here, but sometimes the stories of "I lost 100 lbs in 8 months" can get a little depressing. Sure I lost 80 lbs in a year, but it's taking me a whole 'nother year to lose the next 20. <sigh>. I know it's not a race, and I know I'm the one who chose to take some maintenance breaks and I know I have to do what works for ME, but I think you know what I'm saying!

Anyway, best of luck to you!

:hug:

I hear you. I've found it a lot harder to push myself to be 100% on plan and get in all my exercise now that I'm "overweight" vs "obese". I know I'm not quite happy where I am yet but I'm soooo much happier than where I used to be, well, it's a strange place to be in. However, I keep reminding myself if I'm this much happier now, imagine what I'll be like when I lose the next 30 some odd pounds! ;)

Actually, I was really debating whether to get in a swim tonight. I'm tired and have had a long day but I think your post was the extra push I needed to get down there. :D

Awesome, running! Have a good swim :)

"But while maintaining my weight over the summer seemed so effortless, my TRYING to lose again now seems like so much more work, with the same results."

I decided to maintain at the beginning of October. My 90 pound loss seemed pretty easy. I "think" I'm eating about the same now as I was when I was losing 8 - 12 pounds a month and I wondered why I'm holding even. Then it hit me - I AM eating the same at meals, but I've allowed myself more snacks. It's sort of like the mindless eating we've all done. If it isn't a meal or a between meal snack that's pretty much part of the healthy plan, I don't seem to notice I've eaten it.

You might be doing the same thing. You know how to eat to lose. You also know how to eat to hold even. I wonder if the 2 are closer than you think. Just a few hundred calories a day will change you from losing to holding even. You know that. After a summer of maintaining, it might be harder to make the necessary cut-backs to get into losing mode again.

Also, as you pointed out, the urgency is gone. At 274 it was very important to lose a lot of weight and do it quickly. At 174 there isn't the same urgency. You feel better. You look better. You're healthier. It's going to take a slightly different attitude to get back into the swing of things.

I think it was a fantastic thing that you were able to successfully put weight loss on hold in the last 2 summers. You're right - it isn't a race. We all have our own agendas and time schedules. Your schedule has been pretty fast-track, really, when you factor in the summer months as maintenance. I think you just have to get back in the "loser" mode that worked so well for you before. And please accept the fact that holding even through the summers is a fantastic accomplishment. You'll get in that groove again and bust through the 100 pound mark and then go on to your goal of 150, or even your vanity goal of 137. Get really strict with yourself for a few weeks and see what happens by Thanksgiving. I'll bet you're pleasantly surprised.

Lin

Lin,

You are ABSOLUTELY right. Maintenance and loss are quite likely much closer than I think. The other thing I have to factor in is my activity level in the summer vs. the school year (DH and I are in education, so are very fortunate to be able to enjoy our summers off together.) Though I don't do much "formal" exercise in the summer, we are ALWAYS doing something; camping, fishing, walking trails, swimming, etc. I could afford to eat more and still keep my weight in check. Now that I sit at a desk most of the day, I can't. I did eat sensibly probably about 80% of the time in the summer, but I definitely had more "cheat" meals, snacks, adult beverages, etc. Now that my activity level is not what it was, I need to be better about reigning that other stuff in. Though I've gone back to logging calories since Labor Day, it's definitely much "sloppier" than when I first started out, especially on weekends.

You're also very right about the sense of urgency. I look and feel pretty "normal". I can do what "normal" people can do. I'm certainly not where I want to be, but I don't feel that desperation I did at 274.

Regarding your advice about making a push for Thanksgiving, I have been doing just that. I am MUCH more strict about my logging now, and I'm really reigning in my weekend slack-offs. I'm also in a T-day challenge over on the CC board where I get lots of great support.

Thank you SO much for your feedback and congrats to you for reaching your goal and maintaining!!

Edit: Just another random thought....we all know this journey is different for each of us. For those of us who started out morbidly obese (me), our sense of "normal" is much different than someone who has been in a healthy BMI range most of their life, then find themselves 30 lbs heavier one day. For them, 174 would be "crisis" mode, while for me, it's kind of a "comfort" zone. My 174 is a much different place than their 174. As I've read around here, one person's starting weight is another person's goal weight (or milestone weight.)

It was a great swim and I got in some lifting this morning too. :encore:

You know what? we CAN do this. I totally hear you on being someone who was almost morbidly obese and now have a different normal compared to other people :dizzy: I remember once seeing a woman on the street when I was close to my high weight. She looked pretty similar to the weight I am now, a weight I've been close to before in my adult life. I remember thinking "wow, I remember being at that weight and not being happy, how could that be possible? She looks great!". So I think our past definitely affects our mindset. Now that I'm that weight again I'm pretty happy here but I can objectively see that there's still more to lose.

I agree with everything you've all said. I'm near the weight I was 13 years ago, when I started my current job. At that point, I had just lost some weight but wasn't anywhere near happy. Now, I'm totally stoked to be near that weight and able to wear the clothes I bought then for the new job.

I've gone from 225 to about 180 since July, so it's a big difference. I had a co-worker congratulate me on being so skinny and, when I said I still have a long way to go, she was sincerely surprised. I don't want to be rude to people but I feel like I have to fight complacency. It would be soooo easy to get stuck here. I feel pretty good, I'm wearing the smallest clothes I own, and it would be nice to be able to eat a little more (those mindless snacks - yum!).

So, yes, it's a hard balancing act sometimes to be happy with my success but still motivated. It helps to know that others have the same struggles. Good luck to us all!

I feel I have to fight with complacency too. All I hear from people is "your going to lose MORE weight!" "You look great now why lose more." etc... I think mostly I look great.. but I really want to hit my goal weight. I haven't weighed that since high school.

Steph and Jonsgurl: I totally hear you on the well-intentioned compliments. Don't get me wrong, who doesn't like compliments and acceptance for where you are now...but it does add one more reason (excuse?) not to stay motivated.

That's why these forums are so great...you can always find someone who understands what you're going through :)

NorthernExposure - you made a comment about our different senses of "normal." I think we all have that different perspective as we age and as our weight changes. It's one of the reasons I'm most comfortable in this 100 pound club sub-forum. Most of us are in the same sized boat, so to speak. It's very hard for me to relate to someone who wants to lose 20 or 30 pounds. It's very hard for me to get my head around having to lose 200 or more pounds, too. I feel like I see things a bit differently because of my age, too. I'm 60. I feel a lot differently about what I weigh now than I did when I was 30. In fact, at 30, I'd think 161 was at least 20 pounds too heavy. Now, I think it's about 10 pounds too heavy, but I'm not losing more weight to have this baggy skin make me look worse than I did when I was 252 pounds. Well, maybe not worse, but baggy and 150 is worse than a little wrinkled and 161, if you know what I mean.

My point is, my perspective changed in the last 2 months as to what looked good and felt good for me. I don't want this loose skin to be any worse than it is. I don't know if it will tighten up. I'm older, I've been heavy for 25 years, and I don't snap back the way a younger person who wasn't stretched for so long might. If my skin tightens up a little with time and exercise (I don't see how exercise will tighten my skin, though) I'll re-think my end goal. I had to seriously fight feelings of failure and that I was quitting on a goal I set out to reach last January when I decided to stop losing and maintain. We get so focused on a number.

You will get moving again. Being on the move all summer certainly had a lot to do with being able to maintain while eating less strictly. I've been trying to model my eating habits after my daughter, who is thin. She works out harder than I do, and eats a little more than I do, but she really just eats a healthy, balanced diet. About 90% of the time. When she eats more candy than she normally would or more junk or sweets, she just backs off for a few days and gets back to "normal." That's what I'm trying to do now. And it's probably what you did all summer.

I think you have a handle on things. It's all going to work out and you'll hit the end goal that's right for you - in your head and in your body.

Lin

Oh, yeah - and to everyone who says to any of us, "You can't possibly want to lose more weight!" and thinks it's a compliment - it isn't. It puts us on the defensive trying to explain a BMI of under 25, or "normal" for our height, or some other medical reason why these standards have been in place for a long time. And just because you think these standards are crazy and someone who is my height and weight "can't possibly be overweight," you're wrong. The standards were set based on medical statistics. And while I'm no longer stressing over it, I'm still 2 pounds into "overweight," which means I'm not in the "normal" for my height. And I believe I have a medium frame, which should take me a bit under the highest weight for my height to be in the normal range for my frame size. And I have no boobs - so I should weigh even a few more pounds under the highest weight to compensate for that, too. So there. Just say, "I think you look good where you are now," and leave it at that.

Lin

I think the BMI standards for women are pretty accurate, but I do wonder about men. My DH is currently about 212 lbs. The BMI charts say he should weigh around 180. I seriously don't know where the extra 32 lbs would come from! He's 6' tall, definitely "big" boned and has a lot of muscle mass. (No, he's not a greek god, lol., but he used to play football in his younger days. His thighs and shoulders, especially, are huge.) He's wearing a size 35 pants. Sure, he's got a few soft spots he wants to work on, but 30 more lbs?

Me, on the other hand, you can definitely tell I need to lose 30 more lbs (if not more). I'm still big around the middle (ugh, WHY is the stomach so stubborn??), and it sure ain't muscle, ha!

Anyway, when someone tells me I don't need to lose any more weight, I figure they're either trying to be nice, or they're full of crap. When they say the same to my DH, though, I completely understand.

Lin,

I missed your earlier post. I feel you on the loose skin issues. I'm 38...not old, but no spring chicken either. I've been overweight/obese most of my post-teen years, so I'm not sure how much my skin will be able to rebound at this point.

This was a secondary reason for my maintenance periods (primarily I just needed a mental break). But my hope is the breaks may have given my skin a chance to adjust before moving on. I know loose skin isn't nearly as serious as being overweight/obese...so while I definitely want to get into healthy BMI range, I want to see how I look at 150 before I push on to 140 or 135.

And yes, it is much easier to relate to someone who is losing/has lost a similar amount of weight. Though, surprisingly, I have gotten SO much support and good advice from some of the "skinny minnies" around here, lol.

Good for you taking control of your health. I know weight loss only gets harder and harder as we get older. I have faith that you, too, will find the right goal for yourself as well :)

Just happened to see this thread whilst perusin' the site for someplace to post where I fit in lol. I have been here a long time, been away, came back, etc., blog all over the place about my crazy weight journey (t'is my hobby lol) but even before I actually discovered any online diet sites, I had lost the marjority of more than 100 pounds and have more or less kept it off by plateauing and being satisfied, losing more, regaining a little, losing a little, etc. I define myself as in maintenance but am workin' on this now 21 pounds thingie.

I loved reading this thread and related to the original poster.

Loved the comments someone posted (sorry, in kind of a hurry to start work) about it not being a compliment when people say "you can't possibly want to lose more weight."

To carry that into my own life, I get comments that I don't have to lose weight as I look fine.

I know I look fine lol, the thing is I didn't lose more than 100 to gain it all back, so when things happen in my life, as in 2010, that prompted me (not an excuse) to slack off on the work it takes to maintain a weight loss (although the gain did not really turn up on the scale until this past summer), I get religion and start the work to annihilate those regain demons.

My weight, which I no longer post on the internet 'cause sometimes people feel like commenting on it lol, is a matter between me and my health care providers. I intend to get to my goal by March 25, 2012, and I do consider myself in maintenance, though now in a maintaining by losing regain status.

Re BMI, I just log the numbers as I do my weight, measurements, calories, exercise and etc. I don't find it stressful. I feel happy about doing it.

Yea, let's just keep on keepin' on (to steal a line I see in one o' the posties)!

Amarantha: I like your take on maintenance. When I get to my "final" maintenance stage, I will try to take on a similar perspective when dealing with regains, because I know they will happen! My hope is my regains will be manageable (i.e., something I can take off in 2 or 3 weeks), but life has no guanrantees.

But yes, as old Steve Miller says, we can give up or we can "keep on keepin' on" :)

:yes:

DH is also over 6' tall and when I met him he was at a "healthy" BMI but he was a twig!!! In terms of looks he actually looks best about 10-20lbs overweight and he's like your DH- large frame+muscles. I have heard, though, that when you get to taller individuals the stats are so poor that BMI holds less meaning (no clue how true that is, I'm just repeating what I heard!). It makes sense too because the original BMI studies were done awhile back and since our population is getting taller they probably had even worse stats on taller individuals.

ETA: And if you figure out how to get rid of a stupid stubborn stomach, PLEASE let me know! :lol:

You have come a long way. I could not agree more with you--why on earth would you stop now?

As you have travelled the views have gotten better and better haven't they? You are going up a mountain and every now and again you have caught a glimpse of the views from the trees. You know the view from the top is the best. It sounds to me like you are destined for it.

Thighs, thank you so much! What a beautiful way to put it. And congrats on your loss, wow, amazing!!

Running: I've heard similar things, also that athletes (males, especially, who have more capacity to build larger muscle mass than females) can be considered "overweight" or even "obese" by the BMI charts, but are actually in great shape. I suppose the only way to know for sure would be to have your body fat % measured by a doctor (or nutritionist or someone qualified to do it accurately). But as a layperson, I do know my DH would look really "weird" at 180 lbs. Just wouldn't fit his build at all.

I understand the temptation of settling for "just good enough" weight loss all too well. This summer I took a break from very strict portion control and daily exercise and hit a plateau (around 184 lbs) for months. For a while I considered letting myself stay at that weight my body seemed to settle into so easily but now I realize how skewed my thinking was and how important reaching goal (high-end healthy bmi) really is to me, even if for the simple fact of making that goal all the way.

In my case, I actually do have a large frame with large and wide ribcage, hipbones, prominent collarbones, very large feet and hands... so for now, my goal is the high end of my height's bmi. Maybe I'll adjust it once I reach 160, but I plan to maintain 160 for a few months before making any decisions about further loss.

I find online photo galleries fascinating because even people of the same height can look vastly different at the same weight. It's true BMI isn't the be-all end-all guideline for everyone but I think is a great place to consider making goal.

Here are a few galleries ya'll might find interesting:

"Illustrated BMI Gallery"
http://www.flickr.com/photos/7736776...7602199008819/

"Photographic Height/Weight Chart"
http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/heightweight.html

"Body Gallery of Real Women"
http://www.mybodygallery.com/index.html

Very interesting links, Riesz, thanks for sharing! Thanks for sharing your story as well. I definitely know what it's like to be stuck at the same weight (either intentionally or unintentionally) forever!

I think we all know that BMI and "normal" weight ranges are guidelines. There actually is a different scale for athletes, but I don't know how to figure it. But . . . the bottom line is this - these stats come from medical and insurance records and are indicators of overall health and risk for certain diseases and problems. We are so used to looking at overweight people in general, and ourselves in particular, that I think we lose sight of what really is "normal" as far as weight goes.

Overall, I had no health issues when I weighed 252 pounds. BP, cholesterol, etc., were all normal. I had an "episode" while shoveling snow at work about 2 years ago where I felt woozy and it didn't pass. My boss literally made me go to the doctor's to get checked out. They did a mess of stress and heart tests and all were normal. The tech doing the stress test on the treadmill even commented that I was very fit. I said, "For a chubby girl." And he said, "No. Most people can't get to this part of the test without gasping and hanging on for dear life." Every test came back normal, so we'll never know what happened - maybe my breakfast didn't sit right! My point is this - I had no health reason to lose weight, though I know in the long run it is WAY healthier to weigh 160 than to weigh 252. So I guess it's all pretty much vanity for me! (I try very hard to hide the fact that I'm so shallow LOL.) And at 252 pounds, I was just a few pounds under a BMI of 40, which is morbidly obese.

I am accepting the fact that my skin is bagging. I don't know if anything would have changed that. I am accepting the fact that I probably won't get to 150 pounds. But it isn't because I can't. It's because I'm not going to for now. I don't think that this is simply "good enough." I think it's the best I can be for now. If a doctor told me I had to lose more weight for health reasons, I guess I would. But I'd rather be this weight and look 50 (on a good day) than lose 10 more pounds and look older than 60!

I think we are all doing so much to improve our health and physical appearance. We are so hard on ourselves sometimes, and we don't deserve that. Especially not from ourselves! I can't tell you how much I admire each and every one of you (of US) for doing what we're doing. I know that I would have lost momentum if I had maintained for the summer. I had to to this full blast or it wouldn't have worked. For me. Our goals are all different. Mine is different than it was in January! We'll all get there sooner or later. Accepting what we can do and then doing it is the bigger part of the battle.

Lin