I agree with you 100% and I always ask about diet restrictions, because many many years ago my husband invited some co workers over for dinner and I made lasagna with meat and come to find out they were vegetarians. We also have diabetics and gluten-free friends, I don't give a rats a** if you are fat, skinny, black, white, purple, etc. I just want to serve you a wonderful dinner when invited to my house. I think some people have a "fat" complex and I know some (men) that have a "short" complex. So, I am just saying, these people truly are your friends for asking, the ones who try to shove crap you don't want down your throat are not being supportive friends.

I'm sure your friend is very supportive, and that it's very difficult to know exactly what to say or do in any given situation when reacting to someone's weight loss or inviting them to join you for dinner, whether in your home or meeting for a meal. That said, I find it uncomfortable to have people make assumptions about me, my diet, etc. I think it's relatively easy for people to play things safe, though. Has anybody ever been offended by someone simply saying "You look wonderful" without specifying that it's weight related? Or by asking "Does that restaurant sound good to you?" when meeting? Or "Do you have any dietary restrictions?" when inviting someone to dinner?

I think she was ultimately being supportive, and honestly, I would rather have a friend like that who wants to **** instead of hinder. Yes, maybe it was a bit condescending (or just came off that way) to keep bringing things up that way, but ultimately, it seems to me that she is afraid of being one of those people that hinder so she overcompensates the opposite way. I wouldn't worry about it, maybe just develop a statement that helps you gloss over it all so she won't bother. Maybe a :"Yeah, I've got it all worked out, so no worries" or a "It's cool, I've got a plan" will go a long way with her. I think she wants you to be successful, and it seems to me that she wants to really support you but not at the expense of the friendship, so she's going out of her way to make sure you realize she's not trying to derail you (cause how many of us have/had friends like that?? And that's worse, IMO)

EDIT: not sure why I got that word starred out, I wasn't swearing! I meant to type 'help' but maybe I pressed the L twice :)

I love getting compliments! It really encourages me! My struggle with my weight and how I'm getting healthy is a very deep thing and sometimes rather personal...because I'm not perfect and I fail and I do what I need to (yes, even if that means not depriving myself) to lose the weight. So, I don't want to discuss it beyond 'yes, thank! I'm counting calories'....especially with someone who doesn't understand how deep, how painful this has been.

I don't tell anyone. I don't want or need their attempts to be suportive.

I would HATE to have someone apologise for eating a dessert in front of me - I make the choice, I am absolsutely capable of turning down a dessert, or having just a bit! I don't want or need the world to stop eating desserts!!!!

Doesn't that sound awful!!!! .
Too many years dieting, and regaining has made me very insular about talking to people about dieting, my mum and my daughter are the only ones I talk to. I just modify my eating with no great fan fare and get on with it.
I would hate to eat a chocolate bar and have 6 people say should you eat that ? HATE IT!!!!!!

That would lead me to eat 54 of them!!!

I sound very bitter and twisted!!!!!!!!!! But I am happiest keeping my weight loss efforts to myself...

At first, I didn't tell anyone. I just said I was eating healthier. Then, it was easier to say I was dieting when food is getting pushed on you. Most of them are more understanding. Then again, there are others who sabotage, both purposeful and non. Those I have more of a problem with. So, I guess I am the opposite.

I don't telling anyone that I am losing weight. I have someone who competes with me about everything. It drives me nuts!!! This woman is trying to lose weight too and I am happy for her, but she gives me the dirtiest looks when she hears someone give me a compliment about losing weight. I hate it! And I feel as if I need to be extra nice to her because her weight isn't coming off like she wants it to. But mind you I am in my early 30s and she is in her late 40s. Weight just comes off different right? (No offense to my older wonderful ladies around here.)

I really related to this post. :) Now that I am in my forties I am losing much slower than I did in my thirties and have to work much harder to take off the weight.

I have some friends/family who are being supportive (like the OP's friend), and some who are competitive with me. I think that most people don't know how to react when a morbidly obese person begins to lose weight. It's one thing to lose 20 lbs and put it back on and lose it etc, but for those of us that have over 100 lbs to lose, people don't feel comfortable commenting, they are afraid they might offend us, etc....

Everyone in life makes assumptions. That is just human nature. My supportive friends always use to make assumptions even when I was not trying to lose weight. They would assume I needed to park close to the restaurant/store, assume I wanted dessert, assume I wanted to try their meal when we were eating out, etc... All of these assumptions were wrong of course. :D

Now that I have lost 70 lbs, my supportive friends are trying to be supportive, but they are clueless. I don't get frustrated with them for this because they are well meaning. One friend asked the waiter not to bring bread to the table because she was afraid it might "tempt" me. I just smiled and thanked her. (I have not eaten bread at a restaurant since December and do not miss it....)

My competitive "friends" I find are always trying to tempt me to go off my diet. I have dealt with this by not going out with them anymore.

I don't talk about being on a diet with anyone really. I don't want that to be the focal point of everyone's energy. People find out when I ask the waitperson to put the dressing on the side, or I ask how many ounces of fish are in the meal, or I substitute veggies for rice, etc, but I am not talking about it really with anyone.