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Old 03-30-2011, 10:31 PM   #1  
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Default My Life Right Now

This is probably going to be long, but I really have no one to talk to about any of this.

Two years ago I lost 80+ pounds. Last year following surgery in January and a 6 week recover, I basically lost my motivation, got stressed out and gained it all back plus some.

I have managed to lose around 20 pounds, but I'm now I'm just stuck.

I know I'm eating my emotions, but I can't quite figure out how to deal with the stress.

Dh and I are the caretakers for my elderly parents who are in their 80's. This past year has been rough for both of them with health issues starting to take a tole on their bodies. I'm the youngest and my brother and sister are both over 20 years older than I am. They have both checked out of my parents life and only pay lip service to help and really don't live close enough to help anyway.

Our oldest daughter has Asperger's and severe mental health issues. She still lives with us and has been unable to get a job and does not drive. We have been fighting for disability ever since she was 18 (wow, almost 4 yrs. now) She has doctor/counseling appointments plus other appointments to go to. I have finally told her she needs to start finding someone else to help because she has been in counseling for the last 8 yrs. and I'm getting tired driving 40-60 miles for each appointment. She has been having her grandpa take her to some of the appointments which is helping.

Our son is autistic. He has his good days and his bad days just like everyone else does, but sometimes he has trouble communicating what he's upset with and sometimes we know he doesn't really know. We have chosen to homeschool him and his younger sister.

Our youngest daughter is full of energy and she's a blast to be around most of the time, but she a typical 5 yr. old.

Throw in me working at home, dh working third shift to be home during the day, his elderly grandma needing help sometimes, finacial worries, and my in-laws (which is whole nother book) and there are days I think my head is going to explode.

Dh expressed that he is worried about me. He knows I'm just stuffing the emotions down and he's worried I'm going to make myself sick. He's right. He knows me better than anyone else except my best friend (who's life is so full of drama right now that it makes mine look tame)

If you've read this far Thank you. This is the only place I've felt safe enough to get this all out. I'm not really looking for answers, but maybe some ideas for reducing stress.

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Old 03-30-2011, 10:50 PM   #2  
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Is there respite care available to you?? Here we can contact social services and respite care can be provided - any thing from a few hours to a few days. Perhaps your brother and sister could help out with the financial aspects of some respite care for your parents. (((((hugs)))))
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Old 03-30-2011, 10:50 PM   #3  
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Wow, you really have a lot to deal with, not surprised you are stressed! I don't really have any advice but it helps to vent in here, so many nice people in this forum. If you lost 80 lbs once you can do it again. Rememeber to try and set aside some time for yourself for rest and relaxation if at all possible. I hope you can get some other people to help you soon.
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Old 03-30-2011, 10:58 PM   #4  
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You know Paula, I think you hit the nail on the head with setting aside some time for just me. Like a lot of people, I tend to put myself last on the list when in actuality I need to be taking care of myself.

Nights are the worst time for me because during the time between the kids being in bed and the time for dh to get up for work my brain starts working overtime.

I have noticed lately that even when I'm eating in the evening I'm still measuring stuff out which is weird but I'm also reconizing when I'm eating to sooth instead of fuel which I never used to do.
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Old 03-30-2011, 11:00 PM   #5  
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Sigh, today I was haing a pity party because my mom called me a day before payday. She was making sure I didn't forget her. She's unemployed and I am the only person that can help her. So all of the extra cash that I had and then some goes to her. Sometimes life feels like your paying for someone else's bad deeds. When you start to have the urge to eat try to make the mental switch of working out instead of fixing yourself something to eat. Get rid of the truly bad stuff to eat in the house.

Do this for you. I hope you feel better.
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Old 03-31-2011, 05:41 AM   #6  
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Contact Medicare/Social Services to see if they have adult classes or "day care". Many towns have a place where the elderly can be picked up and taken to a daycare of sorts where they are togethere for several hours talking/playing cards/and other projects. This will give you a few hours without them and possibly to yourself. Best of have a lot of responsibilities on you but you can do it. Save time for yourself every day!
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Old 03-31-2011, 08:45 AM   #7  
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I don't have any advise but just .
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Old 03-31-2011, 08:59 AM   #8  
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No matter the situation/person....EVERY one has stress. On different levels at different times in their lives. The key point to remember is each one of those stressors are more of a reason to take care of YOU! A healthier you is a better you to handle everything that life throws at you. So....first step is to achnowledge that yes life is hard at times and incredibly difficult, but you will stopy pittying yourself and stop mistreating yourself. Like an inevitable perpetual cycle. You feel like crap so why not eat like crap. Your life is hard so why not treat yourself to whats easier and comfortable. You live and eat in a state of's the best and easist part of your day sometimes. But it does not have to be the case. What you love the most is what is hurting you the most of all those stressors! Trust in the process that when you better yourself these stressors wont be as difficult to overcome and get through. Make yourself worth it, I promise that is my best tip for you!
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Old 03-31-2011, 09:18 AM   #9  
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Listen, if you let them, a lot of people will dump their problems right onto your shoulders. Then the danger, of course, is that their problems become YOUR problems, then you can even start to feel guilty that you're not doing ENOUGH, even though you are giving every ounce of your energy over. I'm not saying to drop the parents off at an old folk's home and ignoring your children's needs. But, in my mind, you are taking ALL the burden for your parents' care, and your sibs get out of it scot free because they "live too far". Bull! You need to have a serious meeting with all of them, on conference call if need be. If they can't be there in person, then they need to start showing you the money so that you can get that respite care some others have mentioned. If they outright REFUSE to help, then there's not much you can do about it. BUT, I do think a lot of times it is just easier to let it all fall upon US instead of making the waves necessary to take care of OURSELVES! Don't fall into that trap. Get them involved.

I see you have started the process of getting your older daughter less dependent on you, which is great. I understand that she has major issues, but sometimes people only try as hard as necessary to help themselves. If you are stepping in on her behalf every second, then she might totally lose motivation to do anything to help herself.

The amount of martyr'ing I'm willing to do goes down incrementally with each pound I lose. I'm not saying you are a martyr, but it sounds like there is some room for you to step back and let others take on some of this burden. Honestly, you might not see it now, but taking the time to make a weight loss plan, then holding on for dear life till it sticks, is going to HELP you get through all of these challenges. It really, really will. Oh, and exercise is THE treatment for stress.

Sorry I went off, I just feel really empowered right now and I hate to think back on when I didn't.
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Old 03-31-2011, 10:10 AM   #10  
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Oh man, you have a lot on your plate!

I second the idea of hitting your siblings up for some money so you can hire some help. Even if it's just to relieve you of other duties - a housekeeping service, or something.

Maybe this doesn't work as well with autism, but can your son and older daughter go to a daytime program? Unfortunately, it sounds like your older daughter is slipping through the cracks - not bad enough to warrant assistance, but not well enough to live up to her potential.

1-hour drive to a therapist? Is there a Metro Mobility or something that can take her, or can she switch to someone closer?

I hope you can create a long-term plan that gives you and your husband a rest, and a chance to go on dates!

Last edited by Hyacinth; 03-31-2011 at 10:10 AM.
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Old 03-31-2011, 10:31 AM   #11  
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After reading your story I think that in order to deal with your food problems you may want to speak with a therapist. Is there anyone that is near where you live? Other than that I can't offer you to much advice on the other problems as they are out of my realm of knowledge. Talking with Social Services may be a good start.
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Old 03-31-2011, 08:40 PM   #12  
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I want to thank everyone for your replies. I'm in a much better place in my head today.

I should explain that we live in a very rural area and it is 20 miles to the nearest town of any size and 30 miles to my daughter's psychiatrist. What I listed were round trip miles. Public transportation doesn't exist except for the elderly and disabled.

The last two weeks have been stressful due to a couple of things with my parents health. I realized this morning that I really need to be planning things a little better (no surprise there) including my meals and making time for taking care of myself.

As for my siblings, that really isn't something I can change. My sister has mental health issues and is pretty toxic. I keep her at arms length and away from my kids as much as possible.

One thing I find about this board is that it is a safe place. Everyone has good days and bad days, but everyone is super supportive.
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Old 03-31-2011, 08:47 PM   #13  
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Hugs to you; you are dealing with so much.
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