When I was a size 10 my boyfriend of the time in telling me about a vivid hot and heavy dream with a beautiful woman...like one of the people who posted above I said "Like me?" and he said no, she was skinny.
When I was a size 8 going to the movies with my boyfriend at the time one of his friends looked at my midsection said "wow" and asked if I was pregnant.
WOW. Just wow. I can't believe any civilized human being would say either of those things, particularly the second thing. Oh, wait — no civilized human being would say those things.
I've never been a size 8 in my life, but I've been a 12, and I sure as **** know I didn't look pregnant then. That guy had some other reason for being evil, and it had nothing to do with you, I'm sure.
Man, I'm getting all upset just thinking about it.
I'm so sorry to hear about all these comments and experiences you all have endured! It amazes me that family and friends are the sources of many mean, hurtful comments.
I've had a few mean comments I surely didn't appreciate. A little background info...I was a thin kid all the way through high school. Unfortunately for me I never had a flat stomach but I was quite small. My stomach is something I've always been self-conscious of, and probably always will be...so as you can imagine I just LOVE stomach/pregnancy comments/questions...
Mean comment #1 - At 18, I weighed around 130, wearing a 4/6, looking pretty svelt, despite not having a flat stomach. My now husband's grandmother asked me if I was pregnant because my stomach was looking big. This question/comment was coming from a woman that is probably 100+ pounds overweight.
Mean comment #2 - Another was a few years back after I got married. I had gained about 30 pounds, and yes, still had the stomach going on. My MIL asked my husband -not even me- if I was pregnant. Like we wouldn't have told her if we were? And this coming from a woman that has a rather large stomach that she always says she is self-conscious about. It made me wonder if someone had asked HER, would she feel hurt, just like I did?!
Mean comment #3 - The most recent (after losing nearly 25 pounds around Christmas), I felt great, (was wearing skinny jeans for the first time in forever) I got a lot of compliments on how good I looked. Yes, I was called thin! BUT, my aunt who has always badgered ANYONE that is remotely overweight, comes up to me and says "Gee, Linds you look like you've lost weight. You're starting to look pretty good now." I kind of stood in shock for a minute, thinking NOW? Thanks a lot. I wasn't going to say anything, but I did. "Now? What are you trying to say?" And she didn't say anything...maybe it just slipped out, I don't know, but it did hurt.
to all you ladies!!
I guess as someone that has personally been overweight and struggled with insecurities with my body, I know that I would NEVER EVER think to comment on someone's weight, EVER. So, my question is...Why can't people use some freakin' common sense? Why say such hurtful things? Does your mouth not have a filter?! THINK I'm fat all you want, BUT please don't point out that my stomach looks huge or my boobs are too big or that you think my thighs jiggle too much! Thanks!
Like momma always used to say, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!!!!
Last edited by LindseyLou; 01-18-2011 at 01:04 PM.
Several years ago my husband (boyfriend at the time) and I were hanging out with his friend and his girlfriend. This was my first time meeting either of them so I was already a little nervous. We went out for drinks and then back to their house to watch a movie. After the movie, the girlfriend asked my husband if he was going to marry me since he "knocked me up". My husband glared back at her and said, "She's not pregnant." She just said, "Oh". And I kid you not about 20 minutes later she asked him, "Are you sure she's not pregnant, she's really big?". My husband is a VERY patient and loving person who NEVER gets angry but he had had enough. He took his friend aside and they talked for a few minutes and then he said, "Get your coat, let's get the h*** outta here." He was so mad that his friend had said nothing to his girlfriend about the rude comments that they still don't speak.
I am saddened reading these stories. It is amazing comments can stick with us for a lifetime. As someone who has been overweight or obese my entire life, I have a few of my own:
1. I was very socially awkward as a teen. My senior year of high school I began trying with my appearance some. Getting my hair highlighted, wearing make-up, getting manicures. After a couple months of that, my mother said to me doing all that was a waste of my money because I was so fat that none of it will make it better.
2. When I was in college I was doing my student teaching in a kindergarten classroom. Many of the children's parents picked them up at the school in the afternoons and I would help to get them into their cars. One of the little girls gave me a hug and while running to her (very thin) mother yelled, "See Mom! I told you Ms. W****** was so fat I couldn't even get my arms around her."
3. Also, in college I had lost a significant amount of weight, but was still pudgy. A guy I was on a date with told me I had "More rolls than the best bakery in town." Then he tried to laugh it off and kiss me when he was leaving.
4. Couple years ago I went on an 11 mile hike with some friends. As we were coming out of the trail there was a jeep full of younger boys (probably early 20s) and one of them yelled at me that "Doing another 11 miler would do you good."
Those were the biggies... there are a lot of little things said over the years, but those were the most hurtful.
When I was in middle school I was around 200. All the popular cute boys made a habit of "flirting" with me in class. They'd ask me out, tell me how good I was looking, or ask me if I'd wear a bikini to school the next day. Lucky for me I had a smart mouth, so I'd usually come back with a pretty good response and the class would all start laughing at them instead of me (sometimes even the teachers couldn't stop from laughing). My defenses were pretty good, but it didn't change the fact that it hurt, and what's even worse is that even though it hurt my feelings I still got a bit of thrill out of the cute boys giving me attention, even if it was negative attention.
I ended up going to a private high school. Probably one of the best things that could have happened for me. I don't know how another 4 years of school with those same kids and maybe more like them would have effected me.
THe worst by far was grade 7 or 8, I was one of the biggest kids in the class, truth be told there was one girl bigger than me.
Class picture day and one of the very snarky girls made the comment "They'll never get us all in the picture with those to fat tubs in the same class"
There was one that happened only recently, a month or 2 ago visiting Shaun in BC. A co-worker of his we had gone out with I guess didn't realize I was in the bathroom of the club and had mentioned to her friend "I don't get it, why would some one like him hang out with some one that looks like that? Ugh, she's beneath me" Shaun being 6'4 built firefighter with blonde hair and blue eyes . . . . early John Travolta. Yum.
I didn't rant and rave, told Shaun I was tired and was going but it was fine for him to stay out with the rest of them. The next day he asked why I was upset, I told him and he hugged me and told me I was silly
"You've always been beautiful, always. You know how great you've done, i know it, who cares if some one wants to be a coward like that."
I'm lucky, I know it, at my heaviest of 248 . . . he looked me in the eyes and told me I was beautiful and I never doubted he meant it
I don't remember much mean comments from strangers or even classmates in school. One or two, but I guess it wasn't significant to me as I can't remember the comments now.
What I do remember is comments from my little brother. He had behavioural issues growing up (ADHD, ADD, etc). Which, thankfully, he has 100% grown out of. Anyways, he liked to annoy me as his little game. I remember one time, he drew a huge circle on a piece of paper with a head and some legs/arms and right next to it and he made a little dot. Little dot = the world. Big person = me. Another time, me and my mom were helping out his Scout group and at the end, the Scout Master thanked my mom and me for helping out. When he thanked Caitlin for helping, my brother yelled out "Ya that's the fat one". Right in front of my long time elementary crush. Ouch. There were a lot more comments from him but those 2 are the most significant ones that I remember. It's been awhile since he's annoyed me about that (once he hit puberty, his hormanal/chemical balances prob became inline again that he no longer had issues).... and I'm grateful I no longer need to deal with that as it was very hard growing up.
Hugs for us all! Ten years and three kids after I was married, my 100 pound beautiful on the outside SIL said, "Wow, I was always surprised Bob married you. He only dated skinny girls." Like the only thing that matters is our weight!!! We have been married thirty years now, more deeply in love than ever, but I have NEVER forgotten her saying this to me!
MOMto2Ms - Your stories were so hurtful, especially the one from your MOM. She was so cruel.
With the exception of topics of weight she was/is a really great mother, but that seemed to sink in a little deeper than all the times she told me I was smart, or kind, or beautiful, or whatever.
these stories are awful. i feel for all of you. and for me. throughout the years, i've also heard my share of not so nice things.
thought i'd bring a little humor to the thread-
i went to college in a suburban area. my suitemate and i decided to take a ride to 7eleven to get a slurpee and a snack. at the time, i was probably weighing around 240ish. my suitemate was also heavyset. these guys were leaving the store at the same time we were, and as we were pulling out of the lot, the decided to shout "awww no big gulps for the fatties? come back, i'll give you a piece of something good to (insert perverted comment)". gross. my suitemate takes no crap from anyone, and neither do i. we saw them a few minutes later, as they happened to stop at the same light we were at down the road. my suitemate rolled down her window (i was driving) smiled, and proceeded to throw her entire slurpee into their car. i don't think i waited for the light to turn green....all i heard was them cursing
Ugh, these people make me crazy! Why does it seem better to be a crack-addicted hooker (as for example) than to be overweight!? Just a couple of months ago I was walking down the street with a male friend after the bar had closed. Some guys pulled over on the opposite side of the road and yelled, "Are you pregnant?!" After I only glanced at them they drove away. It was such a random thing to say, but I guess I won't be wearing the shirt I thought was so cute anymore.
Honestly, people don't know when to be quiet. In my case mainly family members! I can't recall a mean comment from a stranger, actually. In my family it's usually very innocuous stuff like "You've lost weight, haven't you? I can see it in your face." In reality I hadn't lost any weight but did get a darn fine haircut which went unmentioned and probably contributed to my "slimmer face". I remember when my Aunt, whom I hadn't seen in person for 10 years, first came to live with some family up around here the very first thing she says to me is "Wow, you got fat, didn't you?" I had to just stare as she was at least 50lbs heavier than me.
The funny thing is no one on my Mom's side of the family ever says anything to me about my weight. And they are super skinny. But my Dad's side of the family is all overweight and they are the ones that say the rudest, meanest things! It's like they are overcompensating for their own weight issues and saying things to me that they can't say to themselves.
I was head over heels in love with a with the most physically beautiful man I'd ever seen. To be honest, I still love him and am hurting over the loss of the dreams I had. I should have listened and ran for the hills when he said to me "yes baby, I do love you, but what are people going to think? They are going to say why is someone that looks like me in love with someone that looks like you". Makes me cry even now. This is really just the tip of the iceberg of his cruelty. Dealing with this relationship is why I dissapeared from this board for a year.
So everyday I tell myself, I have value, I deserve to be treated better, and I don't need food to make myself feel better.
I was head over heels in love with a with the most physically beautiful man I'd ever seen. To be honest, I still love him and am hurting over the loss of the dreams I had. I should have listened and ran for the hills when he said to me "yes baby, I do love you, but what are people going to think? They are going to say why is someone that looks like me in love with someone that looks like you". Makes me cry even now. This is really just the tip of the iceberg of his cruelty. Dealing with this relationship is why I dissapeared from this board for a year.
So everyday I tell myself, I have value, I deserve to be treated better, and I don't need food to make myself feel better.
I feel so much for you!! Men can be so cruel! I once had an ex who I was completely in love with tell me that he would "Love me forever if I just lost weight"...
Its hard to hear those word from someone you feel so much for! You deserve so much more than that!! There are better opportunities for you out there, and a man who will love you just the way you are
It amazes me that family and friends are the sources of many mean, hurtful comments. 
BUT, my aunt who has always badgered ANYONE that is remotely overweight, comes up to me and says "Gee, Linds you look like you've lost weight. You're starting to look pretty good now." I kind of stood in shock for a minute, thinking NOW? Thanks a lot. I wasn't going to say anything, but I did. "Now? What are you trying to say?" And she didn't say anything...maybe it just slipped out, I don't know, but it did hurt. 
to all you ladies!!
