I am mad at myself. I let stress, anxiety, disappointment over having to cancel my surgery again (Dec 2 - third cancellation), and the bombardment of unhealthy holiday food take over my life. I had some horrible binges. I am feeling ashamed of myself. (it's been a long time since I've had this feeling) I am just plain disappointed in my response to my feelings (positive and negative) still being centered around food. It's like that comfy old teeshirt that I slip back into food/eating. But, it's a faux-comfort. The food only 'helps' for a moment. Seems like I have been working on this food stuff forever. When will I ever learn. My clothes are tighter and I feel discouraged.
So I say to myself... what would I tell a friend in the same position. I'd say - it's in the past and ya can't change it, only learn from it. Forgive yourself, be kind to yourself and move forward. This is one of those times where it's - ‘do as I say not as I do‘. I am not treating myself as a friend. I feel like this backslide into crazy eating just is so negative.
I have had three very healthy days... I am grateful for that. I know I must dust myself off and start again for the millionienth time. I've read from Dr. Judith Beck's Book - the chapter on Dealing with Discouragement, many times in the last few days. It says that when I have these discouraging thoughts I have a choice: "1. I can allow them to erode my motivaiton, give up and abandon everything. or 2. I can vigourously respond to the these sabatoging thoughts, feel better, become more motivated and continue to work toward my goal." Also says to focus on what I can do today. I have the tools and am trying to rustle up more willingness today.
I almost feel like my life is in a 'holding pattern' until I get the recent weight gain off. I need to step away from this!
Thanks for listening.