I've been on a binge for awhile now. It's a cycle. For the last year I've lost and gained the same 15-20 lbs because of binging and then getting all gung ho on shedding weight and binging again.

I don't know what it is that causes me to start binging. I'll do so well and then right about the time I lose 15 or 20 lbs I'll start to backslide.

Well, this time I think I have pushed myself over the edge physically. I could tell I'd gained weight and more than just the typical 15-20. I can tell because of how I feel. My lower back feels like it's about to break if I stand for more than 5 minutes at a time, I have shortness of breath to the point that it feels like I'm in the 12th month of pregnancy, I just generally feel weak and I'm too exhausted to do anything most of the time.

I decided to finally face the scale this morning. I needed to know how much it was, I was guessing I'd gained probably 15- 20 more than what my highest weight was(highest weight 266.5). I stepped on the scale & it flickered between 269 & 270 a few times then it decided to hang on 270.

Only 4 lbs more than my highest, 4 lbs isn't really that much but when you're 5 ft tall 270 lbs is a large amount. I'm honestly afraid to not at least try to do something about it at this point, I don't think my body can handle it any more weight. I've got to, I'm afraid I might have a heart attack or and aneurysm from just trying to stand up. I don't want to die from this and I know if I keep going I will die from it.

I've decided just for today I'll make good food choices, that is all I can do for right now.

*hugs*

Wow, this was an emotional read. I was so where you are right now during the past attempts at this. You can overcome binge eating and you can change your life.

Do everything you can to not give up. Make a rule that no matter what, you will weigh in and face the scale. Avoiding it makes it easier to make bad choices. When you are feeling down come to 3fcs or turn to other friends and family members. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Sometimes when I overstress myself about my weight loss I find I do worse. I've been so stressed about the weight I gained back that I was just making it worse and finally told myself if I just work hard to make good choices and not stress about food the times I don't need to- then things will get better. And I'm pleased to say I did really well this weekend. I haven't weighed in BUT I only ate out once, all my other meals were good for my plan and delicious too

Sometimes just "knowing" your hurting yourself is not enough (i.e. smoking ciggies). We have to find the motivation to "LIVE" a life we can enjoy. When I decided to give up my obsession to become a certain size and just be HEALTHY...my life changed. I'm still not there...but I'm a whole lot closer.

Your view of this journey will shape your success. Plan to succeed (be detailed in your plan) or you (by default) are planning to fail.

Obesity runs in my family (my daughter is in the 100+ to lose club closinig in at 300 lbs)...so one thing I can tell you is that you are definitely looking at diabetes if you are not already. Dr. Oz once said on a show, "if your waist size is more than double your height, you WILL definitely get type II diabetes". When I look at my family...I find this to be absolutely TRUE.

Keep in mind that there are a whole lot of things that are WORSE than death...like having to go blind from diabetes or becoming morbidly obese to the point that you are no longer able to care for your basic needs...a prison of sorts. I used to watch TLC morbid obesity shows and wonder how people got to that size (700, 800 even 1,000 lbs) and after watching certain people in my family, I realize exactly how. Avoiding the SCALE!!! We've all been guilty of it...but it can be the DEATH of us. Before you know it, you can be too overweight to exercise...when this happens...morbid obesity is right around the corner. It can happen to ANYBODY...

Sorry if this sounds like I'm trying to scare you...I'm really not...just want to share with you some things I've realized and hope all the best for you.

I have been right there with you... over and over and over. This last time, all it took was letting my kids have a small Halloween party for just themselves on Halloween night last year... because it was raining and we couldn't go out trick or treating. That one night, after losing almost 25 pounds, I allowed myself to enjoy a piece or two of candy... then I was like man I have missed this! And it led to one heck of a downward spiral and a year later I was 6 pounds heavier than I had started the year before... pushing 270.. and like you, I'm short and 270 is a LOT of weight!

I am now in this for the long haul. I started over just days shy of Halloween this year.. I have committed myself to stay on plan to the best of my ablility until Halloween of next year.. then I have committed to re-commiting myself for yet another year after that.. and then another.

I want the weight gone like yesterday.. and in a perfect world the calories I have myself at I would be at goal in a years time or so... but this is the real world and it's far from perfect so who knows what it will take. I'm in it for the long haul, and I have learned that I can't allow myself to slip. If I want a treat.. and it fits in my calories, then I eat it... but that is it, I can't say just one more, and then oh just one more.. because that leads to well I already blew it why go back now.

Oh.. and in the event I DO make a blip and eat something horrible, then I have made it my plan to get right back on track.. with the very next thing I put in my mouth. I start each day fresh... and so far there has only been one day where I had a big blip (the day we put our dog down), but I was right back on track the second I left that restraunt.

As a fellow 5 footer, I know just what a toll the high weights feel like.
I would lay awake at night planning my funeral, worrying about my children and who would care from them. I was certain I would die from my super morbid obesity. For me, I knew it was not if, but when. When? And it was getting closer and closer.

That coupled with the fact, that it was SO hard living that heavy. Really, really hard. Like incredibly, awfully, miserably HARD. It just sucked. EVERYTHING was just so darn - difficult. Sleeping, walking, sitting, going to the dentist, showering, housework, occupation, socializing, parenting, and the list goes on and on and on and on....

I finally started thinking, could it really be harder to do what's necessary to lose the weight than it was to live with it on...

And please trust me, as I've been there, it WAS harder living with the weight on than it was to take it off. Like by a real, real lot.

Eating well is nothing to fear and loathe. Continuing to eat poorly is what's to fear and loathe. Remaining overweight is what's to fear and loathe.

Eating well is no prison sentence, but a ticket to freedom. It will open up more doors to you then you can possibly imagine, ones you didn't even realize were closed.

I don't wanna be a Debbie Downer, but how will this time be different from the others? If you "always backslide after 15 - 20 pounds" what can be done this time to avoid that? We can't do the same thing and expect different results, I've learned that the REALLY hard way ~ sending you good vibes and hope you can get to the root of this...the scare tactics can backfire I think, at times, when you're so stressed you can't move forward, such a scary proposition and it seems overwhelming. One day at a time sounds trite, but it's the only way in the beginning! Best of luck.

I recommend therapy, I'm a binge eater and I haven't even talked that much about weight in therapy but, the way the seemingly unrelated things we discussed caused such introspection it has helped in a LOT of ways with my eating habits.

I was the same, backsliding all the time. My real dad died from diabetes complications, and he died in pieces, let me just say that. I am terrified of this being my fate. I had to do something and it had to be different from every other time because like trazey said, why do we expect different results when we do the same thing over and over? This stuff that we are battling, all of us here, are literally fighting for our lives.

The idea of "eat less, move more" is ridiculous to me, there is so much behind why we do what we do that it becomes impossible until we find out the whys so that we can figure out the how's, in regards to stopping behaviors that are keeping us fat

I had always heard about people saying they were emotional eaters and binge eaters and it NEVER EVER occurred to me this was my problem. When I finally admitted it was, my life changed because I started trying to figure out how to change the thought patterns that gave way to bad eating habits and self-sabotage. I honestly have "dieted" a big chunk of my life away. What a waste, it probably made me fat. But now, I'm eating healthy, exercising, and most of all, allowing some introspection into areas I never thought were even issues and breaking those mental blocks that keep me fat and I have NEVER felt better. Really, therapy has helped me so much. You just need to decide that the life you are leading is not where you want to be and figure out a plan to get where it is you want to go.

You can do this.