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Old 10-26-2010, 07:47 PM   #1  
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Default In need of some support tonight ladies

I knew I could turn to you ladies for some support Im so down and depressed today. My Mother found out her husband is dying he has stage 4 throat cancer 3 months ago and recently it has spread to his tongue, brain, etc they said there is nothing they can do but keep him comfortable and if he doesnt improve in 2 days they are gonna take his feeding tub out per his request she is hurting SO bad and Im hurting so bad for her they have only been married 2 years and she waited 26 years to remarry after my Dad and it is getting taken away from her so quickly I know there is nothing I can say to make her feel better and I cant be with her right now as I live 7 hours away and cant get to her right now. I honestly wanna binge so bad because this is what I use to do when I was down and sad its driving me crazy because now I really dont know how to deal with all this besides eating but Im not gonna do it .
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Old 10-26-2010, 07:56 PM   #2  
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Oh, honey! I'm so sorry you and your family is going through this! I will pray for them and you tonight. I know it sounds impossible, but is there anything you can do to take your mind off of it, even for a little bit? cleaning, exercising, organizing, maybe just get in the car and drive?
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Old 10-26-2010, 07:57 PM   #3  
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I'm so sorry. I have dealt with family members dying of cancer, and I know how hard it is.

I know it's hard not to binge.... I am the same way, but try to think of all the progress you have made so far. Don't give in to the urge, the binging will NOT make you feel better. In fact, it will make things worse.

Make it through this without binging, and you can give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done.

Best of luck to you and your family.

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Old 10-26-2010, 08:03 PM   #4  
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((((HUGS)))) I can only imagine what you are going through!! I have no words of wisdom, just some hugs!!!
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Old 10-26-2010, 08:07 PM   #5  
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I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

Is there anyway you can work out? That might get your mind off of things for a bit, relieve some stress, and keep you from eating.

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Old 10-26-2010, 08:33 PM   #6  
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Oh gosh, I am so sorry to hear of your family's hardship. My condolences

I do have to say way to go reaching our for support instead of eating your feelings immediately. That is hard under these circumstances.

It shows such a depth of caring, the outpouring of your heart in that message. There actually are a few things you can do for her, if you feel like you can and want to. One, a very sweet heartfelt letter would Im sure be well received. She may not be able to really recall things people say during her grief, the letter she can hold on to..reread when down...and recall longterm. Its so sweet of you to so genuinely care for a stepfather, some even adult kids never accept the important role of their parents spouses.

You could also offer to help with any of the organization. There are a lot of loose ends during death, and many of them can be dealt with over the phone.

Also just offering to help with the phone chain to keep everyone in the extended friends and family in the loop can take a lot of pressure off the grieving spouse, so they dont have to have the same emotionally charged convo over and over and over.

For yourself - to get a little relief.....exercise if you can. It is one of the few things that really truly immediately destress me and help when I feel close to off the rails with my eating.

If you can also do things that focus on these two themes, I find they help when under great stress:
- anything involving touch (giving or getting a massage, nails done, hug your friends). seriously, it releases chemicals in the brain that help.
- anything that requires a great deal of presence! any type of task that requires a great deal of mental focus allows for us to take a break from thinking about what is causing the stress. working out fits here...but so do other things.
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Old 10-26-2010, 08:58 PM   #7  
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I am sorry for you and your family.

the PP is on to something. Touch helps a LOT. I eat, or shop or get my nails done when under stress. Eating and Shopping (no use buying clothes that are not going to fit in a few months!) are currently out of the question so that leaves nails!

Just take some time to take care of you because your mom is going to need you soon, and the best thing you can do for her is to stay on track, strong and healthy.
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Old 10-26-2010, 10:08 PM   #8  
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I'm sorry. Your family is in my prayers
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Old 10-26-2010, 10:55 PM   #9  
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I'm so sorry to hear that! I hope you can get through this without binging - that would be the ultimate victory. Just take it an hour at a time. Like others said, try to do something to distract yourself. Maybe try lying down and closing your eyes and listening to some loud music or relaxing music with headphones. That's an escape I like to use sometimes. Best wishes - you'll be in my thoughts.
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Old 10-26-2010, 11:08 PM   #10  
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A binge won't help a thing. Hang on!

Hospice was a great help when my grandfather was dying. They are very understanding and caring and can help you bunches. Even our small town has hospice workers. Talking to someone from hospice could help you out tons.
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Old 10-26-2010, 11:14 PM   #11  
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Heya hon, so sorry to hear of your family's pain! How awful... *hugs if you want them* ....good job on reaching out for help....that is a huge step in the right direction, some of the pp's have had good advice, all I know is when I am down and I think nothing will cure me like a pint of chubby hubby, lol, I NEVER feel better after...during, yeah maybe for the 2 mins it takes me to inhale it, but after, I have the stress I had before, and then the guilt and shame of eating like, 1600 cals or so in one sitting.

Sending some strength and supportive vibes your way!
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Old 10-26-2010, 11:39 PM   #12  
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My heart is hurting for you and your mom. Prayers in your direction.
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Old 10-26-2010, 11:42 PM   #13  
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I'm so sorry to hear this. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 10-27-2010, 12:16 AM   #14  
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I'm very sorry to hear this, you are all in my prayers
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Old 10-27-2010, 12:20 AM   #15  
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I am so sorry Oh darlin I feel your pain so much. I lost my Mom and Dad to cancer. And last year my Mother in law to cancer. First I watched my little Daddy eat his heart out over my Mom dying only to find out he himself had cancer too. Then it started all over again with my Father inlaw dying of heart disease and watching my sweet little Mother inlaw heart broken over his loss and finding out she too had cancer. It hurts so much to see your parent hurting. It makes you feel helpless. And the distance between you right now is probably adding to your hurt and feeling helpless.
I will be in prayer for you and your family sweet heart. I'm so sorry your Mom is losing her husband after such a short time. Please continue making good food choices. You have worked very hard with your weight loss. This will make your Mom very proud of you. Your good health is a wonderful gift your giving your Mom.

Last edited by goal4agirl; 10-27-2010 at 12:21 AM.
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