Good for you - recommitting to what you believe in can be extremely empowering if you recognize the power it takes to make it so. Please hang in there - take it one day at a time. I can do a day, but thinking of having to do this for months can be overwhelming. Baby steps! Oh, and no matter what, wear lipstick and mascara every day
hehe, this always! makes me feel better.
One section of your last post that really resonated with me is the following:
"I need to get this weight down as my self-esteem is not doing so good. I am worried about being able to pay my bills (money concerns), finding love (not sure that is in the cards right now), being able to progress in life and achieve more in my career (I don't think my bosses really respect me, and the market is so hard right now to find something better), and just actually feeling happy in my life."
So a tid bit more of the "tough love"... honey pie don't try to take this all on at the same time when you're valiantly trying to take care of yourself. If you're not loving yourself and struggling to regain self-confidence to strengthen your self-esteem - believe me when I say this low energy will overshadow everything else you're trying to do, and may in fact be permeating your relationships. There's really nothing wrong with taking a few months (like 3).. and do the following:
1. If you need to save money, make a budget, and track your money like you do your exercise and food/water. Stay within a range and save everything else.
2. Finding love... everyone in this world deserves to love and be loved by someone, and while you may want to love and be loved at this very moment, you may not be in the right place yourself to be able to do either. Take the time to get yourself on track (it will also allow yourself to save some money).. but take a rest - focus every ounce of energy on you. It's hard to do, believe me, but it's very empowering to know that you don't have to do anything but make yourself strong. Get out and walk, breathe in some fresh air, read a good book, learn some new healthy recipes, do some bicep curls, clean out that closet... take a deep breath and smile at yourself and love who you see.
3. Bosses and respect - being a "boss" myself, one of the biggest things I have learned is that when I am my busiest, I am the shortest and take the least amount of time to assist and make strong my biggest assest - and that's the people I work with. Bosses have a responsibility to take care of those that work for them... but its a hard lesson and one that not everyone takes to heart or continually works on. I guess what I'm trying to say is that your bosses may not even be aware of their behavior (which isn't an excuse) and is not something you can control. What you can control is your own attitude and their lack of consideration or empathy parrellel to your own admitted sensitivity makes for the perfect storm. Control what you can - do the best job that you can, be timely, accurate and full of integrity and you really can't go wrong. If you can honestly say you're doing this, and not being a gossiper, negative nellie, or any of those things - then you must have an open an honest conversation with the powers that be and articulate your concerns (I'd be more than willing help you phrase the conversation if this is the path you go down)...
Happiness - well, happiness is always a work in progress and you're tackling a number of things to get you in the right frame of mind and body to give yourself a solid foundation in which to act. It's not going to be easy, but dammit it's going to be sooooo worth it. Every step you take forward gets you one step closer to goal, and that is something that's very doable - one step at a time. If you take a step backwards - cry, scream, vent, rave, run around the block, up the stairs and down the street - but get it out, deal with it to the point you're able to stand tall and take another step forward.
Remember we are incredibly strong people - not many can do what we're doing and that is taking a good hard look at ourselves and working our bodies and mind to be exactly what we envision. Take that power and run with it babycakes, run!
Sass