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Old 08-19-2010, 06:29 PM   #1  
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Default Comfort Level with weight loss comments

I often read posts here about people who are really uncomfortable with anyone commenting on their weight loss. I used to feel that way as well, but for me I think it was because I had *always* regained the weight (and then some) and dreaded seeing people again after they'd commented on my loss. You could always see it in their eyes when they saw you again but said nothing. I hated that.

As I have lost weight this time (for 3 years now), I have finally realized that I am actually going to keep it off. I really believe that. And now, when someone says something to me, I feel very open and happy to talk freely about my weight loss and past weight issues. It's nothing for me to respond to a "wow you've lost weight!" with "Yep, 90 pounds now. I used to not be able to walk halfway down the block, but now I walk a mile or two most days." I don't even mind the up-and-down looks at my body when people say "you can really tell you've lost weight!" I guess on some level, it has become "fact" to me, not "hope" or "wish" and so it just IS and I am totally comfortable with it. Just curious if anyone else has experienced this change of mindset.
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Old 08-19-2010, 09:41 PM   #2  
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I am very comfortable with the "You look great." and the "You have lost a lot of weight." comments, but I have only told very close friends how much I have lost. I get uncomfortable when someone asks me how much I have lost. I don't want to advertise my top weight!
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Old 08-19-2010, 09:47 PM   #3  
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I have never lost anywhere near this much weight and hope to God I never have to experience gaining it all back. I honestly admire the strength of those like you who have the perseverance to lose it again. I think I would give up.

Anyway, the way I react to comments depends on my mood, the person making the comment and the comment itself. Sometimes I love hearing them, sometimes I feel uncomfortable. Either way, I am looking forward to the day when my weight is not a topic of conversation and I'm just 'me'!
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Old 08-19-2010, 10:23 PM   #4  
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I've never minded the comments, and in fact was disappointed early on in how long it took anyone to notice. I also have no problem discussing my actual weight and how much I've lost. People can see how fat I was/am, them knowing the number doesn't really change that. The only comment that kind of bugs me is "good for you." Even though it's not intended in such a manner, that phrase always seems condescending to me.
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Old 08-19-2010, 10:42 PM   #5  
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I don't mind a simple comment or compliment; what bothers me is when people go on and on, effusively exclaiming on HOW much BETTER I look and really, seriously, it's AMAZING, etc. I really don't feel comfortable with my body being the topic of conversation, because I feel like I'm being examined and inspected or something.

So sure, give me a compliment. But please, don't gush and for goodness sake, don't tell me that you're proud of me. The only people who have any business saying that are my parents and myself. I know that sounds weird, but for other people to exclaim how proud they are about my weight loss makes me think that THEY think they somehow had something to do with it.
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Old 08-19-2010, 10:45 PM   #6  
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It depends on the person the comment is coming from....most of the time I really don't mind them Since I've been maintaining I do feel like people are watching me a lot more. I live in a small town & the rumor is that they are taking bets on if I'll gain weight back. :P

I'm totally open about it. The weight I've lost is so obvious that playing it off is out of the question.
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Old 08-19-2010, 11:10 PM   #7  
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Originally Posted by Windchime View Post
for goodness sake, don't tell me that you're proud of me.
LOL yeah, the only person who's said that to me is my sister. She, my parents, and maybe my friend Andrew (I call him my coach) are the only people I could be okay with that from.
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Old 08-19-2010, 11:17 PM   #8  
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I LOVE the comments. But like Lyn, I think it stems from my confidence that this is permanent.
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Old 08-19-2010, 11:50 PM   #9  
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Honestly, I still get really awkward. i've been practicing being gracious, and while I fake it really well, on the inside I still cringe every single time. And I suspect it's because I don't feel that different - I still don't really enjoy mirrors or pictures of myself - and because I don't really see it, I haven't embraced it. Also I have never been good with compliments about anything!

I've had a few really nice moments where people who know me well and who anticipate the awkwardness have adorably worked around it - those are the only compliments I have received that I've really enjoyed. I'm hoping with practice, I'll get better at accepting the comments....
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Old 08-20-2010, 01:53 AM   #10  
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I have a problem accepting weight-loss compliments but not for the usual reasons. When someone said, "you look SO GOOD" or something similar, I usually would say, "Yep, I looked good before I lost weight too. You just didn't notice." And that's just not nice. I keep that inside now.

What I try to realize is that (in general) people are idiots about this stuff and their intentions are usually pure and they just want to express their support. I smile and say thank you.

Last edited by Goddess Jessica; 08-20-2010 at 01:53 AM.
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Old 08-20-2010, 01:58 AM   #11  
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Congrats to you.

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Old 08-20-2010, 02:31 AM   #12  
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I often wonder when people say you look so good if that means you look that bad before. I guess you just bhave to just enjoy and accept the compliment.
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Old 08-20-2010, 02:49 AM   #13  
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Weight comments have never bothered me. I happily tell people how much I started at, how much I have lost, my plan (if they want details) and how much more I have to lose, I had nothing to be ashamed of then, and nothing to be ashamed of now. Everyone has challenges they have to overcome, this has been mine.

I admit to not fearing a regain much, though, or their opinions. It hasn't been my experience to be worried about these!
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Old 08-20-2010, 03:13 AM   #14  
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I never realized until I started posting on this site just how sensitive some people are about weight loss comments. I mean, honestly, if you were getting your master's degree, let's say, and someone told you they were proud of you would you be offended??? When someone tells me they're proud of me I take it as one of the highest compliments I can get.
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Old 08-20-2010, 08:48 AM   #15  
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The bigger I got the more invisible I felt. When someone notices I've lost weight, that means they noticed how big I used to be. In my twisted mind when someone says how great I look, that just means they are so relieved not to have to look at the old me anymore, because I was that disgusting.

Even things said with the best intentions get turned around in my mind. Self esteem much?
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