how did i get here?

  • At 230, this is the heaviest I have been in my life. I wasn't this heavy even at nine months pregnant.

    When my marriage ended 8 years ago I weighed 140 pounds. Although some women consider this fat, I looked and felt great. Unfortunately, when I found myself living alone with two small kids, I gained about 55 pounds. I stayed between 170 and 195 for about 7 years. If I tried hard enough I could get into the 170's, which looked OK on me. (but boy did I have to work at it!)

    About a year ago, I went over 200 pounds. I'm not even sure what caused me to gain that weight. I wasn't doing anything differently (other than being on several antibiotics, which may or may not have been the problem). Within the last year I have gained 30 more pounds.

    Being over 200 pounds has affected my motivation. Before I could motivate myself to lose a few pounds when I needed to, but now I feel defeated. Even if I lose 10 or 15 pounds, I'll still be over 200 pounds. I haven't been able to get out of this negative thought pattern. I'm completely embarassed to tell anyone about this problem. I know they see I've gained weight, but I can't bear to say my weight aloud. The only people who know my weight are my doctor and his nurse- and that was mortifying!

    I've decided to join this group because I'm hoping that talking about this problem (even if it's with strangers) will help me lose these latest 30 pounds, the previous 55 pounds, and even the 10 pounds I wanted to lose way back then.
  • You are in the right place!!!

    I just joined this month also after losing some weight on my own. It's great to read everyone successes and have people to encourage you along the way. There is a lot of wisdom here!

    I feel a lot like you do - like is that really me? I forget if I'm not in front of a mirror or looking at a photo of myself that I'm not thin, then pass a mirror or look at photos and BAM reminder and that same thought - How did this happen?!?!?

    Welcome! And if I can do it, then so can you!!
  • Girl your in the right place. I joined not long ago too and boy is it helping. I'm spending waaaaay too much time on these boards actually haha, but I'm learning alot.
  • Welcome! You've come to the right place. There are lots of forums and alot of nice people who have lots of advice. So read lots, post lots. Good Luck! You can do this. Just take it one day at a time, 1 pound at a time.
  • Thank you, ladies! I'm actually getting emotional right now because I feel that somebody finally UNDERSTANDS.
  • We do understand.
  • We totally understand babe!

    I live in NZ so we work in kgs here. I am currently 101kg and was 118.4kg. I will be so so happy when I am under 100kg but it has taken so long. Keep your chin up, and stick around here. Everyone is so lovely!
  • Boy do I understand! Your journey sounds very familiar to me! I thought I was fat at 145 pounds and boy wouldn't I love to be back there now. 135 is the "ideal" I have for myself in my head now which is a very realistic "ideal". Back then I thought ideal was 110 or below.

    The pounds packed on early in my marriage and I fought each and every one of those pounds!! I didn't understand why the weight was piling on. I think I know now it was because I went from walking miles and miles in college just for the sake of existence to being nearly perfectly sedentary. I never knew I lived an active life, but apparently I did.

    I'm getting this weight off one pound at a time with a commitment to myself to see the plan through for one solid year, period, no excuses. My past problem has always been that the scale didn't move fast enough for me and therefore I must be broken...might as well quit. So for one year, no matter what that scale says, I am eating a diet rich with good wholesome homemade foods (little processing) within a restricted calorie amount and I am moving more six days a week. Well, actually I'm moving more seven days a week and exercising really hard six days a week. But I worked up to that! I just want to see how much I can lose in a year's time if I do not give up. And I've lost 65 of those pounds so far, so not too shabby. And trust me, nine months into this process, there's no going back once that year is up.

    You can do this! I like that you've broken down your goals with 30, 55 and 10! That's an awesome way to look at it!! Maybe break them down that 55 a bit more so it doesn't look so daunting.

    And one of the most amazing thing many of us have discovered is that you don't have to get to goal to feel incredible. I feel really good about myself now at 170 pounds and I think I look good too. I haven't felt like this in TEN years!!
  • I distinctly remember saying to my sister 10 years ago that even if I lost 100 lbs, I'd still be overweight so not worth the effort. Now I can tell you, it is SO worth the effort. It's taking me a long time, but every month (even the first ones where nothing showed to the casual eye) I feel so positive for sticking to my plans that the scale weight is almost a bonus.
  • Congratulations on realizing that you were not happy with where you were, i wish you all the luck on the road to sucess! This place is awesome for support and everyone here knows what your going through, no one judges you, they just keep cheering you on!

    I feel the same way you do, after my 1st kid i went from being 147-150 to 185! I never lost that eight, then through the years I ended up at 212 kinda creeping along, after my 2nd kid, who will be 3 this Sept, I ended off at 225, I was like what???????
    It was then that i said to myself, I can't do this anymore. I have to lost all this weight, I want my husband to be able to pick me up again, I want to get dressed in the morning and feel beautiful!
    and most of all I want to be healthy for my children.
    So since 6/16 when I weighed in at 225 - I have resolved to take control, today I am 213 and the day I hit wonderland again, I will be throw myself a party lol