Oh, dear. No offense meant by saying "normal."
What I mean by medium is like the median. The median weight of people in a room. You say you're used to being the fattest woman in the room. I remember that feeling, personally, because I swear, 90% of the time, at functions or when a group of people gathered, I would at some point -- maybe not immediately -- scan everyone & register, nearly subliminally, whether anyone was heavier than me, or whether a lot of people were close to my weight, or whether I was an outright anomaly. And sadly, that often determined my comfort level in that group setting.
It takes a lot of getting used to, after major weight loss, to really process the fact that you're not heaviest, second-heaviest, third-heaviest. To me "medium" says maybe not the thinnest, but nowhere near the fattest. Average. Normal. In the middle. Heck, with the obesity rate being what it is, maybe medium isn't even really in the middle anymore, but shifting toward thinner.
[And, you know, I have to beat up the overachieving part of me that thinks "normal" and "average" isn't good enough. No, I am not going to try to be the thinnest. Not that again. I went through that cr@p years ago, when I had an eating disorder, and felt freaked out if I wasn't the thinnest, or next-to-thinnest. On my part this indicated raging insecurity, when I had a lot less going on in my life & felt that was the only possible way I could make an impression, by being always the thinnest.]
But anyway, enough of my issues. Medium is good. It's nice not to be the "--est" of anything sometimes.
|
