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Old 05-17-2010, 02:33 PM   #1  
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Default Four years and many pounds later...I'm back.

It's amazing how a person can get into the habit of just not caring about how they look when life becomes overwhelming.

The past four years of my life have been one crisis after another, and as a stress eater -- I went rather berserk. I think I gained about 70 lbs. since the last time I posted.

Ah...but I have a "good excuse" or so my daughter assures me when I lapse into serious depression (usually after I've looked in the mirror and asked myself, "what the heck have you done to yourself?")

Honestly -- and being honest is difficult because sometimes the truth sounds so terrible this additional 70 lbs. is a "gift" from my mother.

Dealing with an ageing parent is not easy. Dealing with my mother was never easy. Simply put -- she had a very agressive personality. There were issues dating back to her childhood that were never dealt with therapeutically.
Consequently, she drove everyone around her crazy with her demands and constant anger.

I avoided her as much as possible thoughout my young adulthood. Four years ago, she got Guillian-Barre and was seriously ill. She was hospitalized for months and on the day she was released, my father passed away. She couldn't take care of herself -- so she moved in to my home. And thus, the situation caught up with me even though I'd been running away from it since I was thirty. (I'm presently in my fifties).

I have a brother who did absolutely nothing to help during her illness. He never called or came to see her, but as far as my mother was concerned he walked on water. Me however (who took care of her on a daily basis), simply never seemed to please her. Nothing I did was ever "enough". She wanted constant attention and truthfully was so demanding that I was consistently depressed. So what did I do? I ate (and ate...and ate...and ate).

God finally called her home recently. I'm a terrible daughter and I admit it -- I haven't cried. I just feel sad that things never were "right" with her. What I feel most of all since her passing is relaxed. The constant stress of trying to please someone who can't be pleased and has unceasing demands is gone.

So...I stepped on the scale. Yikes.

Okay...this isn't going to be easy or quick -- that's apparent right off the bat.
I'm 5'2" and 256 lbs. -- so I'm looking at well over a hundred pounds that has to go.

How am I going to do this? Well realistically, I'm considering splitting the amount into thirds and going for a three year program.

That means I'd need to lose approximately 41 lbs. by Jan. 1st. That's definitely doable.

My plan is:

1. A total Medifast for one month (to kick off a good start)
2. A partial Medifast for two (to keep up the pace, but make things easier)
3. And a calorie controlled diet until the New Year (not sure if I'll do the math myself or let a professional program like Seattle Sutton do it).

No exercise program -- I have torn cartilage in my knee. The doctor suggested I consider a knee replacement. I don't think so. I read recently they're turning fat cells into stem cells...and God knows I have fat cells to spare! Seems if I wait a year or two they'll figure out how to fix the problem without my having to undergo major surgery. I think I'll take my chances with waiting...

I'm allergic to chlorine so water excercise is out.

Anyhow...that's kind of the plan. But I suppose if anyone has any better suggestions how to attack this massive ton of fat -- I'd be glad to hear them.

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Old 05-17-2010, 02:58 PM   #2  
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there are plenty of ways to work around a knee issue and still get a good workout program. hand bikes are a good start for cardio. as is an upper body circuit with light weights (to enable length of time) and high intensity.

Chlorine is a problem there. only thing i can suggest for that is trying to find lake to swim in now and again over the summer while its warm.

as for the waiting on stem cells you will be waiting a very long time. things happening today still need to be verified and checked in labs. then medical trials need to be done before they become available for the mass market you could be waiting many many years.
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Old 05-17-2010, 03:46 PM   #3  
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Why the medifast? Why not look into good old fashioned calorie counting and being accountable for yourself? The more important thing than your weight is your health. Eating a healthy balanced diet is essential for both your health and your weightloss.. and even if you do lose the weight on a plan like medifast, you will forever need to keep that healthy, calorie minded diet in order to stay in maintainence and not watch that scale go right back up.

Good luck on your journey, we are all here to support you.
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Old 05-17-2010, 05:48 PM   #4  
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Just want to give you my support - I'm caring for a very demanding older parent also.

Losing a parent is a very stressful event - regardless What are you doing to take care of yourself emotionally? I can feel the hurt you have describing your mother and brother. You say you are a "bad daughter" ?? You gave time and care to someone who didn't treat you well. I think that's admirable.

just my $.02 . . .
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Old 05-17-2010, 07:26 PM   #5  
Restart Date: 10/25/2009
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Welcome back! I have no comments on your plan but wanted to offer support as you start your journey.
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Old 05-17-2010, 08:18 PM   #6  
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Thank you for your replies.

SlimmingSi: Thank you for the ideas for alternate exercises. I think though, that the cartilage research is further along than you imagine. Thereís a doctor in Chicago who has been doing this type of thing already (except heís restricted it to young people in the experimental stage). Heís been at it about five years Ė so I imagine heís pretty close to concluding his research and clinical trials. I tried to qualify for the trials when I first injured my knee, but unfortunately was deemed ďtoo oldĒ for his study. Anyhow, Iím on his patient list Ė so as soon as it opens up to the old folk Ė Iíll jump at the chance.

Findingfawn: There is method to my madness Ė but it has more to do with psychological aspects of dieting than weight loss per se. A total fast (five shakes only with weekly drawn blood work) doesnít really bother me as long as I know itís going to be a limited period. I know I can do anything for a month. Iíll lose about 14 lbs if I stick to it religiously.

By the time the end of the month rolls around, Iíll be feeling sorry for myself. So much so, that when I move to a partial Medifast (5 shakes [or alternate prepared foods] plus a lean and green meal) Ė it will seem to me like a veritable feast. Seriously, Iíve done this before and itís amazing how bountiful a 5 oz. piece of meat and green vegetables seems after having nothing but shakes for four weeks. Iíll do that for two months. And Iíll be happy with my single meat and veggie mealÖbut human nature being what it is, ventually Iíll feel restricted (around about two months).

At which point, Iíll move to a calorie controlled diet. Which will mean more food (instead of less) and Iíll truly feel like Iím in heaven (even though I doubt it will be 1500 calories, if that). It will either be Seattle Sutton (itís my understanding that diet takes the glycemic index into consideration) or Iíll recruit my daughter (who took a required nutrition course for her university degree) to write a glycemic index diet up for me. I have time to think about this aspect.

Thatís my plan for this year. On Jan. 1st, 2011 --- Iíll simply repeat the process and try to lose another fifty pounds.

As insane as this sounds, mixing diets up this way works better for me because after an initial short period of deprivation Ė things seem (due to the fact that more food gets added) to get better as the months go on.

So it goes from approximately 450 calories in phase one, to around 875 in phase two, to somewhere around 1500 in phase three. I estimate Iíll have to do each phase three times.


Thank you for your sympathy. I feel like a ďbad daughterĒ because intellectually I know she couldnít help being the way she was Ė she had borderline personality disorder (actually almost a textbook presentation). There were some DID aspects present as well. And yet, knowing this as I do Ė I am unable to reconcile myself on an emotional level.

I saw a therapist after she died and he told me that it is more difficult to come to terms with the death of a parent when the relationship wasnít good. Itís only been a few months since she passed Ė so Iím not worried that I havenít reached resolution yet. The therapist told me it would take considerable time given the circumstances. But thank you for your kindness and understanding.

If you ever feel you need to vent about your demanding parent Ė feel free to contact me for emotional support.

Lovemyboy: Thank you. Iíll probably make some adaptations as time goes on (as we all do).

I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone and giving mutual support.

-- Rainbowmyst
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Old 05-17-2010, 09:03 PM   #7  
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Your starting stats and mine are nearly identical. I am rooting for you to take back control of your food choices and get healthier while dropping your pounds. GOOD LUCK!
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