I have this really nice new pair of jeans and I took a picture of myself wearing them, with my shirt tucked in and a belt.
Now, I'm a woman who wore an untucked shirt and no belt for AT LEAST fifteen years-- maybe 20.
I'm looking at this picture of myself wearing the jeans, and I mean, frankly, you'd never guess I'm the same person that I was, but all I can think about is how beefy I look.
I'm now wearing an outfit that a normal-sized person would wear-- but with a BMI of 31 I don't look the way a slim person would look in the same outfit.
In a weird way, sometimes when I was still obese, I was happier with how I looked-- until I got to my high weight, I had a repertoire of styles that looked good on me-- and my point of reference was totally different. The best I could hope for was the pulled together plus size look. I didn't start freaking out about my looks until I could no longer even pull off that look-- when I was pushing out of a 24.
I would really like to change this aspect of myself-- it was the intense self-criticism when I was a normal weight that I think triggered a lot of my food issues. Getting morbidly obese kind of negated that whole thing-- being that fat, I just had to embrace my "fat lady" image.
Now, I feel myself comparing my body to some "normal weight" ideal again.
My heightest weight was 250, and I lost the first 20 lbs pretty quickly and have kept them off for a long time. Now I am working on the rest. I KNOW that at 250, I LOOKED much heavier than I do now at 215, but TO ME, I still think I look the same.
What you are saying makes total sense to me. But I think it is all in our heads. At my heaviest, I wasn't paying attention to my weight, but now I am. Now that I am so focused on it, I see the weight I still need to lose. I am working out and more focused on/in tune with my body.
Sometimes, I just need to remind myself that I DO look thinner to everyone else!
I think I understand. I was thrilled with the idea of getting jeans. I have not had them in over 30 years. I was so disappointed when I started trying them on. I looked HUGE. I look so much smaller in black dress pants. Anyway, I decided to wait until next fall to try the jeans again.
that IS a unique problem isn't it???? I know exactly what you mean tho!! My "fat lady" outfits were very nice, looked nice, but were completely and utterly devoid of shape LOL I was covered. NOW, things are a bit more form fitting, there's a ***gasp*** waist under all that!!! it's a weird thing actually having to see if something looks GOOD on me, as opposed to "it went AROUND me,therefore I'm buying it!" hahaha but there's always going to be someone younger/hotter/thinner/sexier/whatever and so what? Compared to the old me (and that's ALL I can compare ME to) I'm a frickin' rock star now!!!
Easy to SAY, I know, but I'd definitely look at old pics of yourself when you're feeling too critical about the new you -- check out how great your figure looks compared to the old you!! No one else is YOU, no one else has been through YOUR exact struggle, just YOU! you kick the old you's butt!
I know what you're saying. When I was bigger, I always assumed I'd always be big. Even if I lost weight, I would just be "smaller" for a big person. I never imagined myself as thin. Now that I've lost 60 pounds, I compare myself to a thin person. Guess we have to get over it huh!
All I can tell you is that even though sometimes I can get myself in size 0 cloth (OMG, can't believe I am saying it!) I don't feel like a size 0 person. And every time I am about to wear that same cloth again, I keep waiting for the zipper don't close. I always think I wont fit on it next time...
And I only believe how thin I am when I see a pics of myself... Even the mirror can't convince me otherwise sometimes...
People usually say I am skinny... but I think I am fat (I was born with a fat mind), I just became thin... To explain better: I am thin because I work on it EVERY day, it isn’t my natural state.
I still have that fat image of myself and I still trying to make it go away. How long would it take? I don't think I can ever see myself skinny and even if I do, I keep waiting for the weight come back in... I just wish to feel thin could be easy...
I'm with you there Uber, when I look at myself in the mirror now I mostly love what I see when I'm clothed, I feel so slim compared to how I used to look.
HOWEVER, when I see myself next to other "normal" people I still look big, and that is always a kick in the teeth. I was at step class the other day and I feel really slim in my workout gear, then I looked in the mirrors at myself in comparison to everyone else, and I'm still big, my arms and shoulders and back are still big, and my form is still that of a big person, I don't hold myself tall yet although I do hold myself better than I did. That was a wake up call....
And then I remind myself my BMI is still 32, I've got 12.5lbs to go before I hit merely overweight, so I can't expect to look "normal" yet can I?
For me I think it's the fact that I had so much to lose, I've lost SO much and am SO proud of myself and my achievements with fitness etc, but I'm still obese, and I need to keep focused.
Oh yes, I went through, and sometimes am still going through a hypercritical phase. At first, anything seemed to be such an improvement, but as I get closer and closer to actually passing for slim, sometimes, all I can see are my flaws. I don't think I ever see myself as I actually am on purpose; I need to catch glimpses when I'm not expecting to see myself to get an accurate idea of my size. *Then* I am surprised and pleased!
And then I credit my clothes, as often as not. Yesterday, for example, I was out and about and stopped in at my local coffeeshop for my usual Americano. After I was done, I went into the loo. The shop has only the one loo, and because of this, it's designed primarily for ease of use of people who are disabled, so there are grab bars, and the sink and the mirror are set pretty low. When washing my hands, the view in the mirror, because I am very tall, is sort of bust-to-knees. And I looked, and I was flat-out astonished. When I turned sideways to grab some paper towels, my stomach appeared FLAT. This meant, of course, I had to spend a few minutes examining myself from every angle, and yeah, I am not twig-like, by any means, but in the mid-rise jeans and sweater that cut off about halfway down the rise of my jeans, honestly, IT LOOKED FLAT. (It is much reduced, but isn't flat, I assure you.) And then, after I left, I kept checking my reflection in shop windows as I went past, and yeah, it still looked pretty flat.
I've apparently reached the point where the right clothing conceals my remaining trouble spots, but did I see that when I looked in the mirror in my own house, before going out? Nope. I saw I looked "pretty good," which is about as good as it gets in my own, deliberate, self-assessments, but I could see all the work that remained to be done. When I wasn't expecting to see myself, the story was different. This is totally the opposite of the bad old days. Back then, it was always the unexpected glances that revealed how horrible I looked, while my mirror at home told me I didn't look THAT bad, all things considered. So, I wordily conclude, it's the unexpected glances that tell you something closest to the truth, it's just that you interpret them differently, depending on where you are in your weight-loss project. Well, that's how it works for me, anyway.
At my high weight, I wore shorts but I really didn't since then until last summer when I bought a pair. I do think I have more 'fat' days now than I ever did when I was well above 300 lbs.
I get what you're saying. Just because I can fit into a 14 or 12, I don't feel I look like the other women who fit into a 14 or 12. Mybody is different than theirs, mainly because I've got bulges and pockets of fat where they don't. They may be carrying a bit of extra weight, and thats not my business, but most of them arent dealing with residuals of being morbidly obese/overweight. We're shaped different than someone who has never been significantly overweight. Clothes fit me alot different than they do say, my sister with identical height and build who weighs in at 127.
I went away for a few minutes, to make some coffee, and thought about this while I was doing so, and I wonder if it's just because it's easier to notice what you regard as your own imperfections as you get smaller? Something like with cycle-related water retention (or just plain too-much-sodium water retention, for that matter.) The parts that bloat are so much smaller now, so I really notice that puffiness in my lower belly, in my ankles, my hands. I mean, I noticed it before, but it was kind of lost in the general obesity, so it wasn't as striking to me. So when I think, ugh, gah, look at how chunky my waist looks! it's because before, I probably didn't even think it was worth noticing or being critical about. I mean, good lord, I was big, so there was just this general impression of bigness, whereas now I'm not all that big, and when I compare myself to other women I don't think of as big, I'm still acutely aware of my chunky-feeling/looking waist. For all I know, they're thinking the same thing, but for me it's different, because before, I was just sunk in my whole, Oh God, I am sooooo fat gloom, and just trying not to think of it at all.
I think I do this too. It's the thing where a favorite shirt that used to flatter my curves now actually makes me look fat because I'm smaller. Makes no sense. Or the style I was wearing at my heaviest no longer works for me. Or when I graduate down a size I get the slightest little muffin top and it drives me insane!! There's such a short window where pants are neither too big nor too small.
And what's with the sudden back fat? I swear I didn't have that 45 pounds ago! Why now am I so critical of it?
BUT, that stupid purple line under my belly fat...GONE! There's no purple line at all!! Not even a faint one! The belly is going, going...not quite gone.
I do know what you are saying as I have gained and lost weight many times and experienced this with every downshift.
What am I thinking is that I would look in the mirror, knowing how much weight I had lost (at any point in the journey), feeling so proud and fit and pleased with myself. Then I would see a person's image that did not mirror what I wished I looked like even after all the hard work, and self-pride.
whatev..., you keep it up and your image will please you, not every minute of every day, but it will be pleasing at some various points!
Yes! When I got down to 150, I bought some exercise clothes that fit like they should even a little loose and I looked like a sausage. It was very discouraging.
Here I was thinking I looked great until I saw the pictures someone else had taken.
catherine, i've also oticed that now? to much sodium or normal cycle bloat fluctuations are WAY more noticable, i can look down at my feet, ankles, fingers or wrists and REALLY see the puffy swelling. i'm amazed, and ask people all the time, 'did i always look swollen or something? why am i just noticing this crap NOW?'
does being thinner ever make you feel fatter?
Makes no sense. Or the style I was wearing at my heaviest no longer works for me. Or when I graduate down a size I get the slightest little muffin top and it drives me insane!! There's such a short window where pants are neither too big nor too small. 
