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Old 04-06-2010, 12:58 PM   #16  
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Originally Posted by rockinrobin View Post
So they're essentially saying that you are trying to *change yourself* because you don't love yourself the way you are. I HATE that way of thinking. It's SUCH bull$**$. It's EXACTLY the opposite. It's that we love ourselves ENOUGH to start taking care of ourselves.
I absolutely love this quote Robin!!!

Thank you!
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Old 04-06-2010, 12:59 PM   #17  
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1st off.. CONGRATS!! You have made impressive progress and you should be (and I know you are) SO proud of yourself. I myseld know someone who, likes to be mean because that is their nature and she would try to put down people just to make herself feel better. I'm not sure either of the comments were meant to be malicious but sometimes people, either those that have never had to struggle with alot of weight to lose or those who are overweight and feel they cant do it... would rather give a response based on their lives (their response for themselves) and not realizing that it is a major accomplishment for someone.

Did that make sense? lol

I wish you ALL the best

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Old 04-06-2010, 01:06 PM   #18  
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I've seen a lot of references to this kind of thing recently. Glory has a post in maintainer's about something very similar - someone posted a picture on one of her albums saying she didn't love herself at her high weight. I've seen two different articles online saying the same kind of things - people who try to lose large amounts of weight are doing it out of self hatred, maintaining a weight loss with continued exercise and calorie limiting is a further manifestation of that hatred. I think it is an unfortunate evolution of our culture - Americans are getting larger and larger everywhere. We are more and more depressed about it, which makes a lot of people eat more as a method of comfort. We are focused on food, obsessed even. The HEAS movement tries to make us let go of that obsession and move into a healthier relationship with food. I applaud that ideal, but like Jay I don't know if it applies to everyone at every size. I don't think it is healthy accepting yourself when you are setting yourself up for health problems related to weight. It seems so counterproductive to me - learn to accept your fat so you can be happy? It is just one more admission of defeat, or one more reason to keep eating cheeseburgers. I was watching Food Revolution today and the DJ said "We don't want to eat salads. We like to eat what we like to eat, and once Jamie is gone we'll go back to that." Fat acceptance would fit nicely there....

You look great, and it sounds like you feel great. Like Robin & Peanutsmom, I think that you love yourself greatly, or you wouldn't have made the changes you have made. Why would you put yourself through all of that if you didn't? It would have been so much easier to stay where you were. I'm sorry your friends aren't more supportive. Like others have said, I imagine that they are casting their own insecurities onto you. You just stay strong and stay healthy. Eventually they will realize that they have to make changes, too.
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Old 04-06-2010, 01:10 PM   #19  
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Matt on losing 226.8 LBS! You are such an Inspiration to us ALL.
I'm sorry to hear your friends are being so ridiculous. I think they are just jealous and probably feel guilty that they can't lose their weight, like you did.
They aren't thinking about the health benefits of losing weight. Are any of these people participating in the Komen race with you?

Last edited by VickieLou; 04-06-2010 at 01:11 PM.
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Old 04-06-2010, 01:28 PM   #20  
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Hmm. I do not agree with the fat acceptance movement (obviously or I wouldn't be here) but I think some of the slamming here is unfair.

Fact is that what, 98% of diets fail? Within 5 years ppl regain the weight they lost. Faced with those odds, and with the suffering that is often what dieting is about, I totally get why ppl choose to rebel.

I do like HAES. Fat acceptance can lead to that 500 lb woman trying to gain weight and insisting there are no negative health implications to this idea - yeah right. But HAES, what is to argue with that? Some people choose not to actively try to get slimmer, usually because it has been unsuccessful and lead to pain for them. If dieting is about health, not looks, then why do we have a problem with people focusing primarily on exactly that - health, not looks/size?
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Old 04-06-2010, 01:56 PM   #21  
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I have had people tell me I am missing out on the fun, that I am depriving myself of living life, that I should just be happy how I am.

Well, how I am is going to lead me to being unable to walk. I assure you THAT would be a lot more "missing out on fun" and "deprived" than not eating a donut.
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Old 04-06-2010, 02:58 PM   #22  
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I have no doubt that there are people out there who are happy at any size. I wasn't one of them. I was miserable, physically and emotionally. It wasn't that I couldn't accept who I was, it was that the weight was taking a toll on my body and my psyche. If someone can be morbidly obese, healthy, and 100% happy with themselves, more power to them. But I think those folks are few and far between.

I'm sorry your friends made you feel bad. I wonder if in a very awkward way they were trying to tell you they like you no matter your size. But to make you feel bad for such a major accomplishment that will keep you healthy and alive for many extra years is just wrong.
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Old 04-06-2010, 03:20 PM   #23  
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Originally Posted by susiemartin View Post
They're jealous.
Pure & simple
I completely agree the above quote... Haven't you watched another friend lose weight then you kinda get that jealous feeling.. why not ask if they want to join you in this journey?
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Old 04-06-2010, 03:39 PM   #24  
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I'm not sure I have a lot to contribute to this thread.... I don't choose to speculate on your friends' motivation in their comments or on the fat acceptance movement.

I was contemplating, though, and I think the US is caught in a national paradox...getting heavier as a nation, while being fat causes us to experiences not only the usual health problems, but also some pretty severe - and socially acceptable - discrimination.

It's a terrible catch-22...
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Old 04-06-2010, 04:11 PM   #25  
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Originally Posted by CLCSC145 View Post
If someone can be morbidly obese, healthy, and 100% happy with themselves, more power to them. But I think those folks are few and far between.
I know the point you are getting at CC, but I just have got to mention, that there is no way any one can be healthy AND be morbidly obese at the same time.

That's not to say that every morbidly obese person is feeling the ill affects of their weight, but they can't be healthy. They are putting themselves at added risks for many avoidable, debilitating and deadly diseases. I think those that say they are healthy, are just kidding themselves, trying to justify their behavior. I am aware that many will disagree with me.

Being morbidly obese, overfeeding oneself IS a form of abuse. And it's not okay.

Imagine sleeping around having unprotected sex. It's not okay. It WILL catch up with you.

Drinking alcohol on a daily basis, during work hours. It's not okay. It WILL catch up with you.

Doing drugs all day long. It's not okay. It WILL catch up with you.

No *friend* would try to convince you to love yourself and just accept these behaviors.

They would try and convince you to yes, love yourself and HALT the *bad* behaviors.

And when you did, they'd applaud you.

Unless of course they were your drinking, drugging and sex buddies...
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Old 04-06-2010, 04:14 PM   #26  
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I don't think it's necessarily jealousy, I think it's most likely fear - and not entirely unjustified fear. Fat people, even though they're more common are still largely seen as entirely worthless, disgusting, lazy and even imoral (and are encouraged to look at themselves that way).

Jealous? No. Defensive? Yes.

And I don't think it's necessarily a terrible thing (it didn't help you any), but I think that sometimes Fat Acceptance and HAES philosophy can be a healthy stage to something better. It was for me.

I was raised to half-believe that a person could only be healthy and valuable or really of use to anyone at all, by fiting a physical stereotype that I was not (and may never acheive). Since fat was not healthy, there was absolutely no reason for a fat person (especially a fat woman) to exercise at all - and in fact if she did it was "ridiculous."

Fat Acceptance - that I was of value NOW, not only 150 lbs thinner change my life for the better. Out of FA literature, I found HAES theory, that I could become healthier (even if not healthiest) at any weight. That there was value in exercise (apart from, and independent of weight loss) was a very radical concept at the time. Like many then (early 1990's) and sadly many now, I believed that I owed it to the public at large, NOT to exercise in public so that they would be spared the "disgusting" sight of me in a bathing suit or sweating on a bicycle.

I loved swimming, and basically felt apologitic for my hideousness, but I didn't let it stop me from getting in the water (I think because when I was swimming laps, I knew I wouldn't be able to hear the ridicule). Yet, it still took me decades to feel confident enough to buy and use a bicycle (riding a bike, I would still be able to see and hear any ridicule). I was SURE that I was too fat for a bicycle, convinced that I'd break it (why wouldn't I think that, when I was 11 my mother told me I couldn't ride a horse, because I was so fat that I'd hurt the horse).

I did go through a defensive stage at first. I almost HAD to, because I did get quite a bit of ridicule when I tried to break the sterotypes of what was "acceptable" for a fat woman to do. My mother is still horiffied that I ride a bike (she doesn't say anything anymore, but she makes a horrified face). She doesn't remember telling me as a first grader not to climb on the monkey bars because it "looked ridiculous," and I really should lose weight FIRST - that's great fat kids shouldn't exercise because it looks silly and they might get hurt (which I think was my mother's real fear that because I wasn't as "coordinated" as my brother, that I would get hurt - also at the time a girl that did anything more than jump rope was a "tomboy").

I think for a very long time, and even still today the only thing that matters is the scale's number, not the bigger picture. I did very unhealthy and even dangerous things to lose weight when I was younger, because I didn't care if it hurt or even killed me if there was any chance of my being "acceptable" to my friends, family, and society at large.

If I'd not gone through the FA and HAES movement, I think I still would be there. Hating myself for not being perfect and feeling that I didn't count unless I could be perfect physically, and feeling that no one would ever really care at all that I was great person as long as I was fat.

I cringe when I encounter the attitude that a fat person must hate themselves enough to change. I've done it both ways, and I can tell you I much prefer losing weight because I love myself and know that I am worth treating myself with respect, than to lose weight in order to punish myself for the crime of being fat in order to hopefully at some point become "worthy" of a place in society.

The problem was that when I felt unworthy, I also felt that I didn't matter to anyone (even myself) so when dieting became too painful, I also felt that my faillure ultimately didn't matter either. Since I mattered to no one, what difference could it possibly make if I ate, and at least eating made me feel better for a short time.

People can't be truly supportive of others until they learn how to be supportive of themselves, and I would say these people haven't learned that yet.
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Old 04-06-2010, 04:45 PM   #27  
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The whole fat movement I think is good for one reason only and that is that it tries to do away with the discrimination associated with fat. The notion that people who are fat are lazy and uneducated has got to go. I wish fat could be looked at more as a medical problem in the eyes of the public. I do not like that people who are fat feel they are less worthy. It's wrong.

However, encouraging people to stay fat is nothing short of absurd. Sure, love where you are in life, but strive for better. Always strive for better!
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Old 04-06-2010, 04:55 PM   #28  
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Originally Posted by PeanutsMom704 View Post
yeah, I meant to put something about this too - changing your life and your body for the better definitely doesn't come from a place of hating yourself!
Well put.

IMHO It is NEVER okay for to hate myself or allow others to be abusive towards me because of my weight. This is a hard one, for me. I certainly hate the way I feel because of being obese: back aches, feet hurt, no energy, GERD, and so on. I hate the way I feel enough to jump back on plan. I want to be fit and healthy again and to make this work (again, this is for me) I have to do it out of self-care. Hating myself (which I am brilliant at) hasn't done anything good for me! Ever.

On to what "friends" have to say: time to pull out the "whatever" card. Some people can be so supportive and turn around and be so derogatory. Who knows why? Gotta turn on the filter - good comes in - bad stays out.

When I was in high school my dad consistently referred to me as "fat a*s". Nice, huh? I wore size 13 pants back then - which isn't huge for a tall girl. I ended up going on a crash diet and lost 35 pounds over the summer. I felt sick all the time, lived on diet soda and sugar free gum. But, I bought size 8 pants for back to school. Not a great victory though - I started smoking to ease my food cravings. I thought for sure my folks would rather have a daughter who smokes than a big fat-a*s. How sad.

I don't know much about fat acceptance or HAES. People generally have very strong opinions about obesity - they may not understand why it is so prevelant or they could be angry at overweight people for being overweight (that happens all the time). Can't control that. Just keep on doing what you're doing to get healthy and slim and feel good about yourself for doing it! Regardless. And I will, too!
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Old 04-06-2010, 05:24 PM   #29  
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Most of the fat acceptance stuff in the 90's (when I found it) was NOT about intentionally trying to stay fat - it was (at least on the surface) about eating healthy and exercising, and letting the weight be whatever it is.

The problem (as I see it) was that FA sponsored dating events that weren't just fat-accepting, they were fat-as-a-turn-on. I think the NAACP would have been a very different sort of organization if it sponsored events where white men could meet hot black chicks (and call it race relations).

The FA is so closely tied with not just chubby chasers (men, mostly with a sexual preference for large woman), but also fat fetishists and feeders (folks who are turned on my seeing their partner binge eat and gain weight - sometimes it's the eating, sometimes it's the gaining that is the turn on - and some will leave their partner when they can't gain any more weight - often at the point the person is immobile).

Because deviance is so closely tied with FA and even HAES, I don't think either will ever gain much respect. Which is rather sad. Understanding that obesity is unhealthy, and doing something about it has to be separated from both the fat = evil AND the fat = sexy crowd.

I am sexy, my fat (and my foot, for that matter) is not. If I guy is attracted to a woman in high heels, there's nothing wrong with that. If he can't have sex with her unless she's wearing high heels, there's a problem, and the same is true of any fetish. In a fetish, the fetish is more important than the person.

As long as FA is tied to fat fetish, I don't see it helping much. Which is too bad, because some of the ideals are awesome. It was in a FA magazine, BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) that I first red articles about VERY fat women being very active, bicycling, kaayaking, even horseback riding. I discovered that even a 300 lb woman could ride a horse, if it was the right horse. I would not have broken the horse's back as my mother told me when I was a fat kid (at weights between 175 and 225 lbs).

The paralyzing fear we associate with fat is a greater enemy than the fat itself. I would love to see the day when no one is terrified of being seen in a bathing suit or how silly they look when being active.
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Old 04-06-2010, 05:30 PM   #30  
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I love myself and I am happy. I have many wonderful qualities that have absolutely nothing to do with my weight or appearance. But, perhaps it is time for some tough love for myself? Being 100+ pounds overweight is not healthy. Those people may be happy now, but how long will they feel happy when the aches and pains and obesity related diseases start to destroy their bodies? My recent lab results show me that my weight and horrible eating habits are starting to impact my health. And, this does not make me happy!
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