I think that I have gone over the top to nuts-o. Last night I had planned pan seared potatoes for supper. (In SC we call the evening meal supper.) I take baked potatoes, cube them and then cook in a hot skillet sprayed with Pam. They brown nicely on the outside and are nice and soft on the inside. I love them. They are my substitute for the french fries and hash browns that I loved for many years. I had made the baked potatoes Sun. night just so I could do this dish on Monday night. I skipped the potatoes Sunday night because I eat potatoes once a week. I lowered my calorie count at lunch so that I can have these potatoes. Get the picture that I was looking forward to my potatoes?
I got home and hubby had decided to "help" with supper. He had cubed the potatoes and was frying them in about an inch of oil. I went ballistic. I really mean over the top. You would have thought that he had done something illegal. I can't even believe that I got as upset as I did. I had to decide between eating the potatoes or staying within my calorie allotment for the day. I skipped the potatoes. We did not have a good substitute so I ended up having salad instead.
I can not believe how angry I got or, really, how angry I still am. These were potatoes for goodness sake. Potatoes! They were not the last potatoes on earth or the last potatoes that I can ever have but I just can't get over this anger. You would think that I was five years old or something. I thought that venting here might help me get past this.
I think that core issue is that I think that he does not support me the way that he should. He verbally supports me. Sometimes his actions are supportive. Last week while we were traveling, he let me choose all the places that we ate so I was able to stay 100% on plan. However, he keeps junk in the house and cooks fried stuff and bakes sweets. He seldom cooked before I started on this journey and now he cooks "his food" often. He says he "forgot" how I cooked those potatoes but, after 18 months, is it too much to expect him to remember? A big part of it was that he was defensive instead of saying, "I am sorry."
Tonight I am picking up a couple of potatoes to bake and will make my cubed potatoes tomorrow night. I will put them in the frig tonight with a big sign on them "Don't touch my potatoes!" I need to let this anger go, they are #$%^ potatoes, not my life's savings!
Overreacting?? Nuts-O???? It is so nice to have a place to vent!
My husband of 30 years still doesn't remember what I order to drink in a restaurant! Water, you could have ordered me water (if the server comes when I am in the restroom).
Well, I think I would have reacted the same. We try so hard to stay on plan and then to have it messed up, just sucks! And a favorite food is just that. I think my hub wouldn't have prepared it at all pleading that he didn't know how I wanted it. He currently does that with lunches.
I do the same with my potatoes. But I just microwave the potato until soft and then slice it up while it's warm. That way you don't have to plan so much to have your potato!
I love my pizza-I mean, REALLY love my pizza. So when I go for pizza now that I am on a diet, I go for strictly cheese when buying in the store, and put veggies on top at home. What did my mother do this week? bought me a pepperoni pizza when I wasn't there. Dinnertime? She adds like a pound of extra cheese and then plenty of sausage. And crumbles up some bacon.
Not only was I furious, but I had a tantrum. And I had a serving of special K cereal for dinner. It was my third meal of the day-and it was supposed to be my choice, but I was sooo not blowing the calories I saved to have one half slice of pizza (I can't eat any pork products-it causes severe abdominal pain). I locked myself in my room after my "dinner," but can you really call 3/4 cup of cereal and 2/3 cup soymilk a reall dinner? Not when your mind is on pizza.The real issue here is the lack of consideration for your choices.
Though I have only been doing this since March 1st - I have gotten PARTICULAR about certain things and I do have stickey notes on some things in the fridge (I have teenagers). So I can very much see where you are coming from and by the amount of weight you have lost and how GREAT you are doing, this isn't a new thing in your life.
Last weekend my husband and the kids were out and he picked up Chic Fil A......and brought me a sandwich, but it was fried - i said I can't have any fried foods and he really apologized, he felt bad, so I just fixed myself the stuff I normally eat during the week.
timetolose~ Over reaction? Probably, but I would have too! I can see myself throwing a huge fit (I'm pretty sure I have before) if someone messed with food I was really looking forward to. I hope you get to eat your potatoes this time :~)
I don't think you're overreacting. I think it was a clear case of "unconscious" sabotage on his part. It was also passive-aggressive behavior. Any time someone "forgets" something like that, especially after 18 months, their motives are suspect.
I hope you let him have it really good, so that he doesn't "forget" it again. Yes, they are only potatoes, but that's not the real issue. The real issue is whether he is going to take your needs and desires seriously or not.
It happens especially when look forward to something & plan for it, then someone messes it up.
My husband has a bad habit of picking off my plate & I know I've gone off on him a few times....I spend all that time weighing/measuring my portion & he can have whatever he wants to eat so why do that? lol I'm getting mad just thinking about it!
Maybe you overreacted a little, but I totally get where you're coming from. From the description you gave of your potato ritual before telling the story, it's clear that this weekly potato is very important to you, it's something that you look forward to, and for me, that means it's something that will help keep me on track. So it's a big deal to be able to have it, and it's a bigger deal when you realize you can't have it, because of someone else, someone who is supposed to care about you, and their careless behavoir.
Sure, he didn't mean to cook them incorrectly, but it seems a bit weird that he knows you're on a diet and decided to basically fry your meal.
i probably would of reacted the same. It's so hard being on a diet and having so many restrictions. He should of been supportive of the huge lifestyle change you've been making and at least let you have your weekly potato!
I dont think you overreacted, and like JayEll, I tend to be suspicious of people's motives. Especially since you started changing your lifestyle 18 MONTHS ago. There's been more than adequate time to adjust his way of thinking. The kids dad, my ex was always verbally supportive and alot of times his actions were as well, but there were always these needling little incidents, like the potatoe thing that kept cropping up, over and over. Bringing my fave candy in the house, always wanting to eat out at the worst restaurants, little things that over time were big issues. Turns out, by his own words, he liked me the way I had always been and couldn't comprehend or 1000% support the changes I was making to move me out of the 'fat' box. He knew that for the entire family to be happier and healthier my weight needed to change, the way we ate needed to change and he could verbalise it all correctly, but his thought process never changed. He liked me fat. He liked me unhealthy. It made him feel needed.
Food is now a lot more fraught than it once was for you. There are a hella lot of things you won't eat now, so the things you do permit yourself to eat have become far more important for you & the occasions when you indulge are now precious. This isn't quite as easygoing as we'd all like our attitude toward food to be -- aware but relaxed is the ideal, in my own mind -- but after making a major change, I think we evolve toward that. Slowly.
I'd think your husband would have picked up on the ritualistic aspect by now. I agree this was passive-aggressive behavior on his part. Maybe he doesn't like some other newer healthy rituals & this one was handy for him to take it out on.
My husband has a bad habit of picking off my plate & I know I've gone off on him a few times....I spend all that time weighing/measuring my portion & he can have whatever he wants to eat so why do that? lol I'm getting mad just thinking about it!
my 5 year old does this too - wants to "share" my carefully measured food. I hate to say no to him but it is frustrating.
time2lose - I agree with everyone else, it might have been a little bit of an overreaction but it's TOTALLY normal and I think almost anyone would feel the same way. It's hard enough to stay on plan, and having carefully planned for treats and special foods that we really love is a major force in being able to stay on plan. I have to say I agree with the sabotage concept - no one who has been living with you for the past year and a half could be so completely clueless that fried potatoes are not something you are going to eat.
Hope they are extra yummy when you have them tomorrow night!!!
Last edited by PeanutsMom704; 03-23-2010 at 11:03 AM.
I would have reacted the same way. That is why I have a really hard time trusting my boyfriend cook dinner for me when I'm on plan. Although I think this time I am going to relinquish some of the control so that I won't be stressing as much.
I have to comment here...I would also have been upset, no denying it, and also because of the ritual and the anticipation of an uncommon treat.
However, I think we're going too far to label her hubby passive-aggressive based on virtually no data. Letting her pick the restaurants when traveling (how many people like to ... um... splurge on bad food when traveling?) was a supportive behavior. I think what is at issue here is negotiating a mutually satisfying approach to having and cooking food at home.
I hope I'm not in trouble for disagreeing with folks, but there you go.
Don't mess with my potatoes! - over-reacting??
I really mean over the top. You would have thought that he had done something illegal. I can't even believe that I got as upset as I did. I had to decide between eating the potatoes or staying within my calorie allotment for the day. I skipped the potatoes. We did not have a good substitute so I ended up having salad instead.
I need to let this anger go, they are #$%^ potatoes, not my life's savings!
