What to do?
 

I work in a medical office with two doctors that I really like and respect and often work closely with. It's one doctor's birthday today and after singing happy birthday to him in the staff kitchen with the entire staff, I avoided the cupcake pass-around and went back to my desk.

Then the doctor himself came down the hall with a box of cupcakes to make sure everyone got one. He put one on my desk and goes, "I saw you didn't grab a cupcake, you need to try one, it's from Sprinkles!" He isn't aware I'm trying to lose weight, and honestly, he is a nice guy who wants everyone to always be included.

Now, not only do I feel awkward not at least eating a little bit of it because he specifically brought it to me, but it's from Sprinkles which is that premier cupcake bakery that Paris Hilton always visits when she's in Scottsdale, AZ (where I work) and I happen to know that a dozen cupcakes there costs $36. And it's some place I've wanted to try for awhile.

But I'm trying SO HARD to count calories and lose weight, and let's face it, a cupcake that is the size of a small cake just isn't going to fit.

My brain and stomach and even tastebuds are saying "nope, you're fine" and I'm actually, honestly (surprisingly!) okay with just tipping it into the trash.

But my manners are saying that my coworkers are all sitting around and would see that, and if the doctor walks past again and asks how it was, I'll feel terrible.

What to do?

Someone will reply to your post and have a great way to handle it, so wait for that. In the meantime, my only thought is to not eat it. I would feel guilty if I did.

That's the thing, I'd totally feel guilty on a personal level. But I so, so don't want to be rude. To insult my boss would make me feel really horrible. He may not ever even notice, but my coworkers are all in extremely close proximity.

can you take it home and share it with someone ?

Maybe you could take it and say you are saving it for later...and throw it in the trash later on. You can do this.

Just take it back to the kitchen and leave it for someone else. If anyone happens to notice, tell the truth. No sense in throwing it away when someone else might want it. I wouldn't be upset if someone turned down my $3 cupcake because they were watching their calories or sugar consumption. I would be aggravated if I saw that someone threw away my $3 cupcake instead of just leaving it for someone else.

When he stopped to give you the cupcake, why didn't you just tell him that you are trying to reach a healthy weight and need to pass on the sweets....and thank you anyway and Happy Birthday! I don't like to tell people that I'm dieting, either...but sometimes, it makes it easier.

I really, really, really don't think it's rude to turn down a cupcake. Yet alone in this day and age where flour, sugar and fat is a big no no for many people.

"They do look good, but no thanks. My sugar has been out of whack lately." Nuf' said.

My husband texted me in the middle of all of this and asked what I was doing, and I wrote back "looking at a Sprinkles cupcake on my desk" and he wrote back "bring it to me!" and so I put it in my lunch box and am going to do that. He has the metabolism of a 16 year old track star so he'll be okay. :)

Blairsey - the reason I didn't say anything is because not only did it all happen kind of fast and I didn't react correctly and in time, but also because everyone in my office is on a "diet" and I don't want to join in their commiserating ranks.

You know the type - they say they're on a diet, but then they're eating Taco Bell for lunch and bemoaning how they can't lose weight. Then I'll hear the men in the kitchen picking on those girls for the fact that they're eating fast food while they're bragging about how they're on a diet...and I don't really want any attention drawn to myself. There's a bad stigma around here about "dieting," and I've been really successful so far about just keeping quiet and doing my thing, until today.

I really appreciate your help!

coming in late, but fwiw, if I can't escape easily (like you did the first time before the doctor hand delivered a cupcake), I just pack things up and say I'm taking home to share with my family. My son is underweight and can afford to eat a treat like this! And no one needs to know that I'm not sharing it with him.

A) Anyone who's feelings are hurt because you don't eat something they give you is being manipulative. I don't think the doctor was being manipulative, he was being nice, which means his feelings WON'T be hurt if you don't try it.

B) Sprinkles cupcakes are highly overrated! I think plain old Betty Crocker ones are much better. So trust me, you didn't miss anything. I don't know how Sprinkles gets repeat business. For that much, I want the cupcake of all cupcakes, and those just aren't it. They are dry and not sweet enough for me with an odd after taste.

C) Next time, you can always graciously take the cupcake, then quietly put it back in the breakroom for someone else to enjoy. That's what I've done when someone wouldn't take no for answer and I didn't want to draw more unwanted attention to my not wanting whatever it was.

Good job!

I see you have found a solution but really I'd agree, offering it up to someone else is perfectly ok.

And I may be naive but I thought $3 was a normal price for a cupcake? Maybe I don't buy them enough to know :)

Here's my take on this...obviously you found your solution...but for others who deal with this everyday. To me, Sprinkles cupcakes aren't enough to lose focus on my daily caloric intake...it's not worth it. So I look at it like this...it might be right in front of me but I'll wait until there's a special occassion for ME. Not someone else's birthday, wedding, anniversary, job promotion etc...but for MY OWN.

We put too many people ahead of ourselves and allow ourselves to get caught up in the "I hope I don't hurt anyone's feelings for not trying there casserole (cake, pie, dish, etc)." But from now on...I'm making a vow to say "no" to things I so desperately do NOT need.

lookin2lose, that's an excellent point. thanks for that!!!!!

I appreciate everyone's take on this so, so much. I'm so glad I have you all for advice!!!!

Originally Posted by :
When he stopped to give you the cupcake, why didn't you just tell him that you are trying to reach a healthy weight and need to pass on the sweets....and thank you anyway and Happy Birthday! I don't like to tell people that I'm dieting, either...but sometimes, it makes it easier.

I really disagree with this, for the reasons the OP stated. It is not anyone's business whether one is trying to lose weight, and it can backfire really bad in an office. It doesn't make things easier in the long run. It just makes you the center of unwanted attention.

Here's the thing. This is real life. Once you lose weight, you will still not be able to just happily scarf down that cupcake. Sorry if this is a shock! And people will still be offering you food, food that you don't want to eat. We have to learn to be gracious about it WITHOUT feeling like we need to eat the whole thing. I'm glad the OP found a way to deal with it.

I would have cut a piece of it, eaten it, left it sitting there so the doc could see I tasted it, and if he asked, I'd say I was going to take the rest home for later. And then I would quietly take it to the ladies room and trash it.

Jay

Originally Posted by JayEll:
I would have cut a piece of it, eaten it, left it sitting there so the doc could see I tasted it, and if he asked, I'd say I was going to take the rest home for later. And then I would quietly take it to the ladies room and trash it.

For many of us here, one bite leads to two, leads to the whole thing gone. Okay that's one cupcake gone. I feel like crap (excuse the language, no other way to describe it) on so many levels and now that I've eaten that cupcake, most likely I'll be craving for more sweets/fats/empty calories for days on end. So *for me* this would not be a viable option. I have a real hard time stopping to eat certain foods once I get started - my solution - don't get started.

I for one don't think the doc needs to see that I've eaten it. Nope, no siree Not to offend him or anything, but I don't eat to *please* other people. I've got to do what I've got to do to please ME.

And do you really think he's spending all that much time contemplating on whether or not I've eaten that cupcake? :dizzy:

LOL no, he has far more on his schedule than being the cupcake police.

But he's a friendly outgoing guy and when he walks down the hall, he'll make small talk and chat with people, and as I was sitting there, giving myself an unwarranted and unnecessary freakout over a cupcake, all I could think of was that he'd ask me, "hey, how'd you like the cupcake?! good right?!" and if my coworkers had seen me toss it, and I lied to him and said something, they'd all see me lie to him. I'm in a position of authority, and didn't want my coworkers seeing me lie...

...admittedly, I may have turned this into a way bigger problem than it needed to be. I've been really successful walking past the treats and pizzas in the staff kitchen, but this was the first time something had been actually placed in front of me.

I panicked, and jumped on here. :)

I think you ultimately handled it well (I bring stuff home for DH too) but really there is NOTHING wrong or offensive in saying, "No thanks!". Just say it with a smile and if any questions are asked, just say you've had enough sugar for the day or that you just don't feel like it. :)

Yeah, rockinrobin, you're right. For some people, that cupcake would be a trigger in any amount. Clearly the best choice is not to eat it in that case.

And you're also right that no one needs to eat to please other people. So, wrapping the whole thing up "for later" and then disposing of it would be the best choice.

But what would you say to the doc, rockinrobin, if he asked how you liked the cupcake? Just interested... this is such an interesting question.

Jay

Originally Posted by pokeycactus:
You know the type - they say they're on a diet, but then they're eating Taco Bell for lunch and bemoaning how they can't lose weight. Then I'll hear the men in the kitchen picking on those girls for the fact that they're eating fast food while they're bragging about how they're on a diet...and I don't really want any attention drawn to myself. There's a bad stigma around here about "dieting," and I've been really successful so far about just keeping quiet and doing my thing, until today. I really appreciate your help!

pokey-- I dropped in late and am so glad that you found a resolution to the problem. I really do know what you mean about not advertising the fact that you are "on a diet". I know exactly what you mean. Periodically one or two people in my office will go "on a diet" and you'll see them looking totally miserable while slowly forking dry lettuce and chicken into their mouths. It usually lasts a week or two and the next thing you know, they'll be knocking back a cheeseburger again.

In the early days, I really tried not to draw attention to myself-- at parties I would pick up a slice of cake, carry it around for a while and then put it back down.

Now, it's so much easier. People can SEE the results of my efforts and they're used to me saying no, so they don't even offer.

I would like to PERSONALLY APPLAUD YOU for not eating the cupcake. Each time you do it, it gets easier. I PROMISE.

Originally Posted by JayEll:
Yeah, rockinrobin, you're right. For some people, that cupcake would be a trigger in any amount. Clearly the best choice is not to eat it in that case.

And you're also right that no one needs to eat to please other people. So, wrapping the whole thing up "for later" and then disposing of it would be the best choice.

But what would you say to the doc, rockinrobin, if he asked how you liked the cupcake? Just interested... this is such an interesting question.

Jay

And Jay-- regarding your question... the answer is obvious.

"It was to die for...." ;)

Originally Posted by ubergirl:
And Jay-- regarding your question... the answer is obvious.

"It was to die for...." ;)

:rofl: !

Thanks Uber!!! We totally have serial dieters here, there's one girl that's on day one of her diet every Monday, and by Friday, she's volunteering to do the Krispy Kreme run :lol:

Originally Posted by JayEll:
But what would you say to the doc, rockinrobin, if he asked how you liked the cupcake? Just interested... this is such an interesting question.

Jay

He never would have asked me. Because it wouldn't have gotten to that point. There's no way on earth I 'd allow that thing to sit on my desk. So boy oh boy do I give the OP credit for passing it up, once it WAS there!

It wouldn't have gotten to that point, because when he came by my office to drop if off and said, "I see you didn't take a cupcake, here you need to try one, it's from Sprinkles". I would have responded, "no thanks, it looks great, but I'm gonna have to pass".

If he would have insisted, I would have said something like, "no, really, I can't. Sugar and me, lately we just don't get along. Please give it to someone who could enjoy it."

Originally Posted by pokeycactus:
Thanks Uber!!! We totally have serial dieters here, there's one girl that's on day one of her diet every Monday, and by Friday, she's volunteering to do the Krispy Kreme run :lol:

Now that is funny. (so was your response Uber).

But sadly, that was me. I was always doing that Monday/Friday thing. Though not often enough. Sometimes months would pass till I even attempted another start to my *diet* come Monday morning.... yuck - such bad memories. :(

Originally Posted by rockinrobin:

It wouldn't have gotten to that point, because when he came by my office to drop if off and said, "I see you didn't take a cupcake, here you need to try one, it's from Sprinkles". I would have responded, "no thanks, it looks great, but I'm gonna have to pass".

All kidding aside, of course Robin is right. I "had" to eat the cupcake for twenty years, but in reality, nobody thinks anything if you pass-- just like when you're at a party and don't feel like drinking so you ask for a diet coke.

I've found that the only people who sometimes make a fuss are the people who feel bad about themselves for eating something they shouldn't-- when I pass, it makes them feel guilty, and it elicits either the "oh, I should diet but I can't, I have low blood sugar, I'm under stress, I skipped lunch" comment, or sometimes the "oh just have one bite, it can't hurt...."

But person who is offering to be nice-- well heck, lots of people turn down cupcakes, and that's how they STAY SKINNY!!!! All those people we used to hate who look at a cupcake and say "I'm going to pass..." The ones we always hated???? Now,

THEY ARE US!!!!:D

Out of curiosity, I just looked up the calorie count on a Sprinkles cupcake. They START at 497 calories and can go all the way up to 1000, depending on the type. The one I was given is some kind of black and white one - it's pretty, I will say that.

I feel a billion times better right now than if I would have eaten it and then looked up the calorie count.

In the past I too felt like I HAD to eat it.Not that I needed my arm twisted or anything ;), but if there was an occasion and a slice of cake or something was offered to me I took it without thinking. Because that's what you do..

And yup, I'd see those who passed up on it and wonder how do they do that?

This reminds me of someone I have become good friends with over the past 6 months or so. She was relaying a story of something she said always stuck in her mind. She was at a birthday party, the cake was being passed around, and this one woman said, "no thanks", but the hostess (or someone, I'm not certain who) kept on insisting.. Someone even said to her, "come on now, you of all people can really afford to eat this, you're so skinny". And the woman finally bursted out, "well yes, how do you think I STAY so skinny?"

But yes, I always wanted to be one of those who passed up on the cake. And you're right - now we are!!! Feels pretty darn wonderful. I eat on my own terms. I eat on my own terms - yay me!!

For the record, now that I think of it, LOTS of people really do turn down cake. I see it all the time. All *kinds* of people too - slim, heavy and everywhere in between.

But I still feel like some people are rolling their eyes when they see me (or anyone do it. But for certain, it's not because of what I'm doing - it's because it DOES make them feel badly about their own choices.

I think that a lot of very overweight people (including myself) tend to overestimate the importance and significance of food. It's how we became overweight--food is fascinating to us, and we tend to fixate on it. We then project that attitude toward those around us.

If it were me sitting there, that cupcake would have seemed to glow. It would have seemed the size of a basketball. I would have assumed that everyone in the room, whatever else they were doing, was watching The Cupcake with half an eye, paying attention to what I did with it.

If there is cake in the breakroom 50 yards from my classroom, I am aware of it, a low-level hum in the back of my mind all day. If I am out to eat, I likely noticed what everyone else ordered, and I probably read everything on the menu. If there is a box of twinkies in my pantry, I think about it all day long. I've never gone anywhere not knowing what I will do for meals. It took me 30 years to realize this is abnormal, that food just isn't a big deal for a lot of people. They don't really care that much what they are eating, they sure as **** don't care what I am eating. This was a big breakthrough for me. Before, I looked at every food choice as something epic. Now, I just remind myself that it's really not that big of a deal one way or the other. If it were me, I'd remember that damn cupcake forever, but guess what? Your boss won't remember what they did for his birthday 3 months from now.

Originally Posted by pokeycactus:

I feel a billion times better right now than if I would have eaten it and then looked up the calorie count.

I have never, ever not once - not even one little time - NOT eaten something and then regretted it or felt badly about it. Never. Not once. I have never thought, "gee why the heck didn't I eat that xyz? I should have had it" Nope, that's never happened.

Thank you for all of your wise words, rockinrobin!!!! I appreciate them more than you know :hug:

Originally Posted by Shmead:
If it were me sitting there, that cupcake would have seemed to glow. It would have seemed the size of a basketball. I would have assumed that everyone in the room, whatever else they were doing, was watching The Cupcake with half an eye, paying attention to what I did with it.

Oh my gosh! This is why I LOVE this place. I swear, that darn cupcake almost jumped off the screen and GLOWED at me! :D

You really made me laugh. I have lived with glowing, basketball sized cupcakes ALL MY LIFE.

Originally Posted by Shmead:
It took me 30 years to realize this is abnormal, that food just isn't a big deal for a lot of people. They don't really care that much what they are eating, they sure as **** don't care what I am eating.

This is something that I still have not adjusted to and am surprised when friends make comments like, they bought candy and 'forgot' that they had it in their house. I cannot have things like that in my house, because I am super-aware of its presence, and it either drives me batty avoiding the temptation, or I give in and eat, followed by the guilt. I avoid those things by just not having those things in my house, but I'm still amazed by 'normal' people who can.

I too just "know" when there's something "there". I don't necessarily eat it, but I am "aware" of it's "presence".

I'm kind of on the opposite end of the "telling folks at work" spectrum. If I'm not held accountable, then I backslide. So, for me, it works to tell my closest work buddies. Funnily enough, both of them are guys. I get to celebrate my losses on Monday with them, and they're so supportive of me. We tease each other, but in fun, and it's great knowing that I can eat lunch with them every day and I'll never feel pressured.

Granted, there are other people in my office that I would *never* tell, because they're horrible and mean, but having that at-work support group is kind of awesome sometimes! When it's the right people, anyway!

jennyplain, I'm with you on that! I tell my co-workers I'm "dieting"...I bring my breakfast, lunches and snacks and skip eating out with them for lunch. They understand, they are extremely supportive...I'm realizing that I'm really fortunate in having the 8hours a day support group.

I think we need to let go of the emotional attachment to food in general -- we assume we're hurting someone's feelings if we don't eat? WTF? who cares? I certainly could give a $hit if someone eats or not LOL so I can only imagine they think the same about what I eat! A simple "oh, no thanks" is fine, you don't have to explain anything, they won't force it down your throat right? I agree with the not throwing it out, someone else might be completely in the mood for a sugar-fat-icing-bomb, so more power to them!

Great job POKEY!!!!!!

I completely 100% know how you feel, no one other than my husband knows that I am counting calories and now that I am SUPER AWARE - I can't believe how many bad thing people offer me and eat, all while saying THEY are on a 'diet'. I think it makes people feel good to say they are on a diet, I just don't want to talk about it - if they notice I have lost weight, GREAT, otherwise, I am not saying anything.