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Old 03-14-2010, 04:39 PM   #1  
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Default Self Esteem Issue: Do you compare yourself with others?

The first thing I do when enterring a roomfull of people I don't know, be it a business meeting or a social situation...I check my size against others. If I am the biggest in the room, I feel bad about myself. If I am NOT the biggest, I find myself gloating a little. "Wow, look at her! At least my butt isn't THAT big".

It's a little like watching Jerry Springer...I feel better about myself by looking down on others. 3FC has been a very good place for me. It has allowed me to get to know people of all sizes and see them as people. I can't judge others as easily now as I know people of all sizes on a more personal level.

I know feeling good about myself at the expense of others...even if they don't know what I'm a false boost to myself esteem as it is a negative practice and very conditional. Does everyone/anyone else find themselves doing this? I don't think this just has to do with my size...before I was overweight, I did the same thing with my looks or length of hair or clothing styles...It's not a very nice thing I do and I'm working to change it.
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Old 03-14-2010, 05:11 PM   #2  
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Ahhhhh Michelle......I actually don't compare myself, I used to several years ago, but not any longer.

I guess with age I have really learned that EVERYONE has issues, even the most fit person in the room could have major issues that just are not visible, you know? Everyone deals with different things/issues/insecurities.

YOu are on the right tack and doing something about how you feel about yourself - that speaks VOLUMES, trust me.
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Old 03-14-2010, 05:30 PM   #3  
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one thing to keep in mind esp. about weight is that you don't know these people and their whole stories. So maybe that thin woman you are comparing yourself to just lost 200 lbs to get there. And maybe even that woman who is heavier than you started off at 400 lbs and has made a major life change to get to 300 lbs.

I mean, I know it's hard to not compare, but I think the bigger issue it to not JUDGE - yourself, as well as anyone else.
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Old 03-14-2010, 05:45 PM   #4  
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I catch myself doing the same thing, and really, really work to stop it. The biggest reason is that if you are thinking bad things about people who are heavier than you, you'll tend to assume that people who are thinner than you are thinking bad things about you--and that you deserve it. Think nice things about everyone, you assume they are thinking nice things about you. Whether or not it's true, you can't control their thoughts anyway, so you might as well shift to the assumption that will make you happy.

That said, I was really, really tempted to offer my old clothes to a lady at work that I think is sorta self-righteous about food/health issues. But I squashed the impulse.
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Old 03-14-2010, 05:52 PM   #5  
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I do the comparing thing, but somehow I always come out on the losing end in my head! I end up picking the people out of the crowd who are prettier than me, thinner than me, smaller overall than me, etc. and obsess over the idea that I am not as good as them. It's still a self-esteem problem, just a different way to express it.

When I see heavier people, my first thought is always one of empathy. Being fat is not an easy road to walk and compassion is in short supply these days.
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Old 03-14-2010, 06:09 PM   #6  
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I used to all the time. I sitll do sometimes. I started to stop doing it last September. I felt comfortable enough whereever I went to not worry about if I was the fattest person where ever I went. I noticed I wasn't always the fattest person anymore as I had been in the past and if I was the fattest I didn't really care as I'd lost so much weight
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Old 03-14-2010, 06:15 PM   #7  
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I do this constantly.

Some of it is making sure I'm not the biggest person in the room, and I do feel like a jerk for that. I feel like a whale if I am the biggest, but sometimes I find myself thinking "wow, her tummy is way bigger than mine" and "I'm glad my thighs don't look like that." And I definitely feel crude for thinking these things because she most likely has body issues also. I want people to accept me for who I am and how I look, and I absolutely feel that others deserve the same respect.

However, more often I am comparing myself to others simply because I have no sense of what I look like. I look at a girl who has what I consider a nice body and I think "I wonder what size I am compared to her."

I drive my boyfriend nuts with pointing out girls and asking if I'm bigger or smaller than they are, lol.
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Old 03-14-2010, 06:21 PM   #8  
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I'd be lying if I said never, but truly not very often. I enjoy being me (even fat me). I'm intelligent, creative, funny, and usually am comfortable and confident in most situations.

I've always been a very outgoing person though. I guess I'm a risk-taker and nonconformist at heart. I love variety in people. Even when I was a child, I was fascinated by all the ways people could be different. I thought the differences were awesome.

To some degree, I always felt far too much compassion for anyone who was "different" to feel superior. Not that it never happened, but usually it was in the more practical sense of the "heat being off me." I never liked seeing other people picked on or bullied, but it was sometimes a relief when I wasn't the most likely target (although I also had the habit of coming to the defense of anyone being bullied - where that confidence came from I don't know, but I do remember threatening bullies - they'd say "what are you going to do, sit on me," and I'd say "If I have to."

Don't get me wrong. I have had my share of "my life sucks," moments, and less than charitable thoughts about others. I wasn't always as confident as I am now - but I think the threads of self esteem and confidence were always there. For my age and situation I always had above average self esteem and confidence.

Even though my appearance should have put me on the bottom rungs of childhood to high school popularity, my quick wit and outgoing friendliness put me smack dab in the upper middle. I think really it was one part empathy and five parts my love of talking. I didn't hold grudges because I couldn't resist the need to communicate, and you can't communicate without an audience - and I didn't care who my audience was. I was just as comfortable talking with the most "popular" kids as with the "burnouts."

I think it's why I chose the field of psychology. I love learning about people's differences, and I don't tend to automatically attach value to those differences. Even when I was a probation officer, I found myself empathising more often than not with my probation clients. I could definitely imagine being in the same situation, if I'd had the same life.

Last edited by kaplods; 03-14-2010 at 10:10 PM.
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Old 03-14-2010, 06:44 PM   #9  
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I do, but it's because I'm an extremely jealous person. I'm going through some self-help books on the issue right now, but I'm actually a very unconfident person. I compare myself to all of the girls that are smaller than me and that are in clothing catalogs. It's a serious problem that I've been getting help on. I have no problems with other people and their sizes, but I just want to be smaller and be beautiful, even though there's no possible way for me to look like some of those women. For example, I'd love to be able to say I'm an XS, but in reality, my body can never be that because of the way I'm built. I'm in the process of learning that stuff.
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Old 03-14-2010, 06:56 PM   #10  
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I do notice if there are big people in the room. There is never any judgement, really. But, I do often feel sad for them because I truely understand how it is to live in a big body. However....those folks would never know what I am thinking
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Old 03-14-2010, 08:09 PM   #11  
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I think I do this more with people who appear to be a similar body height/type/size as me. It's not me trying to be a mean girl, but I'm super aware of my own body now and I think that makes me more aware of other people's bodies. I think I kinda use me other people as a reference point, like when we have "weight twins" on this site. I want to run up to people and ask them what size they wear and how much they weigh when they look to be about my size- wierd, I know. I like looking at the mybodygallery website.
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Old 03-14-2010, 08:17 PM   #12  
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Originally Posted by CLCSC145 View Post
I do the comparing thing, but somehow I always come out on the losing end in my head! I end up picking the people out of the crowd who are prettier than me, thinner than me, smaller overall than me, etc. and obsess over the idea that I am not as good as them. It's still a self-esteem problem, just a different way to express it.
Me too!

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Old 03-14-2010, 08:23 PM   #13  
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Oh, I catch myself doing this and really try to stop it but it does not always work.
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Old 03-14-2010, 10:02 PM   #14  
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I definitely find myself doing this. I don't feel superior when I'm not the fattest, just more comfortable, less judged somehow. I look forward to the day when I don't worry every time I walk in the room that I will be the fattest by a long shot.
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Old 03-15-2010, 08:34 AM   #15  
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I don't think I judge anyone for being bigger or smaller than myself. I think I might be less selfe conscious around ppl of similar or bigger size. But I find I compare myself to others because I am so unsure of what i look like to other ppl. I try to guess weights and think "is that what i looked like at that weight?, Is that what I look like now? Will I look like that?" But I don't think I look down on anyone for weight.
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