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Old 02-28-2010, 02:29 AM   #1  
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Default sorta sabature and depression

I am a naturally depressed person with a lot working against me to NOT lose weight. It doesn't help that my relationship is sad.

We are both way too much. We don't even sleep in the same room which is fine by me. We're not attracted to each other anyway. When he's not at work he's with his friends or family or his room. This leaves me alone. no friends or family san 1 baby. Only I clean the house and apparently only I really care about me. I tell him how sad he makes me when he goes out to see a movie with his friend since I of course need to watch the baby how sad I am that I am the only one repairing and cleaning the house and washing his clothes. No one helps me, or calls me. No one cares about me. So to say sorry he brings me home junk food. I don't even go to the store anymore so he brings home fats food salads. Ok, they're salads but it's only because I'm allergic to bread.

I feel that every time I "whine" or "complain" all i get is a stupid sundae and it's not good because I am terribly addicted to sugar. I don't want a sundae I want a friend I want someone to talk to. Yes, I have had the serious sit down talks with him and I get the standard guy I know I'll do better and he doesn't.

He promised to help clean yesterday. He didn't. I called him out on it. He said yeah in 10 minutes I'm coming out to clean (he text messages me from his room to the living room where I sit alone all day every day watching the baby jump in her jumperoo). He didn't the next day he decided to go play music with his friends... but it's early don't worry. Home by 6 is what I thought. By 7pm I am on my third room mopping and I tell him it's over and he gets all upset. I honestly don't care. We can live together, share expenses. I have no emotions about it at all after a decade. I got it. It's just me in this world but don't pretend I have anything else not even a friend in this person.

So at 10pm he shows up with a milkshake. 900 calories. Most likely more since they splurge at this particular place. It's embarrassing because he brings his friend in like to corroborate where he's been. I don't care where he's been. He doesn't get it. I was soo embarrassed this guy is standing here with me and my milkshake oozing over the couch. He leaves because his friend doesn't own a car. He'll be back in 2 hours and then to bed I'm sure a fake forehead kiss on the way there and an I'm sorry and he'll forget how depressed I am.

The other day I confided how VERY depressed I was tough I wouldn't kill myself due to stuff. He brought me home food and drank a beer and went to his room. He made me all better by feeding me right?

I get "you're just hungry" or you just need a depression pill" (he pulled that one tonight). No amount of happy pills is going to make me like this guy. No I don't have the funds to move out and I don't have the willpower to date anyway and at least this way his child gets to see him every day for 10 minutes when he heads to the kitchen.

I do not need a milkshake when I'm sad, I need a friend. It's making me mad. Actually I'm too sad in general to be mad. I just don't need the temptation here. When I'm stressed it would be nice if he sat his butt out here and watched the baby so I could take a shower. He thinks of big vacations he can go on (without me of course) I just want a damn shower and a nap.. alone.. without little feet wedged into my sciatica. Not that she doesn't have wonderfully strong cute feet. Just hurts sometimes.

I feel like a pet. I wimper and I get a french fry. I beg for a hug I get turtles. And you know what... I eat them. I have no one to blame but myself when I eat them. I could hide them. I could toss them. I stopped buying food pretty much so really nothing here to eat and here he comes with a mcdonalds salad which I'm sure is loaded in calories grilled chicken or not.

so I'm not completely blaming him I am just doing what I do best and whining. I almost made it to 200 and I gained it ALL back 4 months ago. (didn't help they changed my metformin and thyroid). I feel like a loser and I can't find my will to lose weight but I need to or I am afraid I'll die on this baby and that's not very forgivable.

I beg him to lose weight because I don't want him to die and I know he has has blood pressure at a low weight and he's 100 pounds too much. He says ok and expects me to cook for him but when I do he "forgets" it or it's too hard or whatever and he doesn't stick to it.

I gave him a look to bugger off with his friend and i bet he comes home with mcdonalds despite this 1k calorie drink i just sucked down mindlessly.

Thanks for letting me whine.
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Old 02-28-2010, 06:41 AM   #2  
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I hope you find a way out so you can live better. There are shelters you can go to, free legal aid. Do you have family or friends anywhere else who can help you?

Good luck... I'm so sorry that things are tough.

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Old 02-28-2010, 06:51 AM   #3  
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I'm sorry that things are so difficult. I've had my own struggles with depression. I find that the worst thing about it is how it drains me of energy, so making changes to improve things seems like a monumental undertaking.

I have three pieces of advice that worked for me. Take them with whatever grain of salt you choose:

1. Get active, preferrably out of the house. Go for a walk (take your baby with you in a stroller). Walk to a local park and back. Don't worry about making it "exercise," just move and get fresh air. If it's raining, go to a mall. Smile at the people who say, "Oh, what a cute baby!" and make small talk. (I don't mean this to be catty, but when I'm really, really down, it's hard for me to remember to respond positively to people, and I wonder whether it's the same for you.) This will raise your mood, I swear.

2. Find support. If you can't afford one-on-one counseling, look for a group. Hospitals usually have support groups, as do mental health clinics. Look for groups that deal with depression or healthy eating issues. If nothing else, churches (and other religious institutions) will have women's groups that meet during the day.

3. Get a hobby. Something, anything. Music, books, gardening. Anything. Then meet people in your community who like the same things. Join a church choir or a book club. Find someone to watch your baby so you can spend some time on what interests YOU. One of the big dangers for me is to overidentify as someone who has had clinical depression. That may be something I experienced, but it's not who I AM, and thinking it is who I am is deadly for me (no joke). I really need something to take me out of my head. It might be that way for you too.

Finally, it's probably best to not look for support from your husband. It doesn't sound like it's forthcoming--at least, not now. That may change, but if you count on him for help around the house, parenting your baby, or even friendship right now, you're probably just setting yourself up to be disappointed (which leads to anger, which turns inward, which--surprise!--leads to more depression). His lack of support sucks, and in my opinion, it's wrong, but it also sounds like it's reality.

This doesn't have to be forever. Take it from me, things can get better.
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Old 02-28-2010, 07:32 AM   #4  
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I have a huge migraine. I should have reread my post to make it more literate. He did indeed come home at midnight. he brought me a large, fry full calorie large soda and a salad from mcdonalds. Pig that I am I forced myself up at 4am to go eat my salad so it wouldn't go bad. He did rent harry potter to force himself to spend some time with me but got bored and tired after 20 minutes. Apparently he made a vow to watch 3 movies with me a week in order to force time with me. this is not exactly what I am needing. Somehow I really got strong and forced him to change a poopy diaper. he never changes diapers or feeds her or does anything. He will give her a bath in a team effort situation once a month though. He got poop everywhere, but at least he did it.

right now the only thing that brings me happiness is chocolate. books tv everything bores me. I need to find a way to force my head into the game alone or not. I feel sicker and weaker every day.
no family or friends.
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Old 02-28-2010, 07:55 AM   #5  
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Sweetie, I felt so sad reading your post. You sound so down. You have to think about you and the baby. Forget him, you can't control anything he says or does. Do you get out during the day? Do you have access to a car or public transportation? Or places you can walk to? It's good for both of you.

And keep posting here - the support is tremendous.
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Old 02-28-2010, 09:15 AM   #6  
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McDonalds salads actually aren't terrible if the chicken is grilled. High in sodium, but the calories are usually under 400 if you don't go crazy with the dressing. I eat them when I'm in a hurry and need to pick something up on the run. (Also, you can put them in the fridge for several hours to overnight and they're fine; I do it at work all the time.)

As for your living situation, it's clear that he's not going to change, and asking him to change is only going to result in more calories' worth of 'apologies' for you. I understand if you can't just walk out; you've got a baby to provide for, after all. But one thing you could try is It's a website where people in the same area can get together with others to hang out and connect. No hook-ups or weirdness, just people meeting other people who share their interests. It's hard for adults to make friends, and communities like meetup make it a little less hard.

You might find some other young moms to hang out with, just for some social support. And if you don't have a car or whatever, a lot of people are willing to carpool. So I bet you could find someone to come pick you up for activities. I'm fairly new to my area and haven't had luck meeting people outside work until I tried meetup, but now I'm actually meeting people I have stuff in common with. And they don't want to talk about work all the time! It's very refreshing. It can seem kind of intimidating at first, but if you remember that everyone else involved in social groups is there for the exact same reason as you, it's not so scary anymore.

I think making yourself a social support network is really important and would help you a great deal. Clearly your guy isn't going to provide that for you at all; sounds like all he wants is a maid.

Last edited by thistoo; 02-28-2010 at 09:18 AM.
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Old 02-28-2010, 10:13 AM   #7  
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I am feeling so sad for you. First off, know that you aren't alone. You have a whole bunch of chicks here who care about you, and want to see you feeling great. I wish I had some practical advice for you, other than what has already been suggested, I can't think of any thing to say except complaining won't work, so put the focus on yourself...who YOU are, and what YOU want. YOU have the power to come to terms with this situation.
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Old 03-01-2010, 05:50 AM   #8  
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Thank you everyone. It is nice to see people giving me support. I woke up to another large milkshake next to my bed. Baby didn't go to sleep until 6am again and I guess he dropped by here at lunch just to give me it. Oh why couldn't it be diamonds instead! Then he made like 5 pounds of fried fish which could have been worse. He did make an effort to eat with me but then went to his room.

I will check out that website. I never leave the house. It just seems like so much work to pack up a baby and it's not like I have money to shop anyway. I think I am socially inept enough to talk to other people. I don't have happy days to chat lightly about and have had a lot of bad things and no one wants to be around someone like that!

I was shocked to find I gained another 10 pounds since last weigh in. I'm so dissapointed in myself. I wish I didn't have so many ailments and this fatigue is kicking my butt.

I did try to attempt to go "do" something by going to the expo center and walking around but he was busy and the next weekend he was busy and oh he's just so busy playing his guitar. Blah. He did say he saw a 2 year old at the concert but I don't want my baby going def quite yet tyvm. So I told him that was fine I would go by myself THIS weekend. I did mention he could bring his own car and leave early so I think that's what he's going to do but he also seems to think I can take care of a baby all day there also. I don't want to piss off other people there so that was not in my agenda. I told him if he can't watch then find someone who will. I picture him holding a poopy baby out and following me around the center looking helpless and annoying me

I am determined to lose weight I just need to smack myself into it. Now my excuse is I will be all shakey (I'm very sensitive body wise) if I go on a diet now and then will be sick this weekend.

I already paid to go just a few minutes ago so I'm going with or without him! oh he also got up and told me he was going to take a shower after i told him how stressed out I am and would like a shower. I was like do you even hear what YOU say? I also knew she was poopy when i went and yup still poopy when I got back but at least I got to take a shower.
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