There were a bunch of moments for me. Most imvolved seeing myself in photographs or just getting a glimpse of my naked body in the mirrior after a shower.
But mostly it's because I'm going to be 32 this year...and I've never had sex...never had an adult romantic relationship...and it just hit me how much of my life was wasted. That it's now or never. So now when I am trying to decide...cookie or walk... I think, cookie will be eaten alone in misery...and walking will help me get to a place where I won't be alone anymore. So it's a no brainer for me now.

I re-started my weight loss journey after a very dear Italian family came to stay with me at Christmas. It had been a almost 2 years since I saw them, but they noticed my previous weight loss (something I don't advertise to non-3fc's). I've never noticed a difference besides on the scale, so in my mind I thought that my family and close friends were making it up to make me feel better. But having these people notice my weight loss gave me the strength to start again. Oh and it could be the fact that I had a camera in my face 24/7 shooting at some bad angles during this time! The pictures also were a wake-up call that I needed to continue to loose!

I had that moment several times but the one that was most monumental is when my oldest sister was trying to delicately ask if we were expecting another child. I also thought I looked pregnant when I looked in the mirror but it took that question and her delicate attempt and knowing that she is never tactful about anything. I knew then I had to do something and the time had come.

One early morning, I just went to decide that that day it'd be the fattest I'd ever be. Never again.
It wasn't easy or fast to get to that. I suppose it's a cumulative feeling of being fed up of being fat. I'm fed up with the discomfort/ shame when using public transport, fed up about my lack of clothes that fit, fed up with the self isolation, fed up fearing for my health, fed up about being ugly.. the list goes on.

Later the same day I went to the malls with some friends, and I felt so bloated and uncomfortable I was in pain. It only strengthened the commitment that I really have to do this.

My girlfriends and I like to go to the symphony but our season tickets were in seats that were around a bend or something. When the house was full, we had to sit there and it's a good thing we're best friends and have been together since college 'cause we were awfully cozy. We all had to first squeeze our rears painfully past the arm rests and then I had to fold my arms in at the center because I, being the smallest, was in the middle. Each of them had to lean to their right or left. Horrible!

We're going to see "Wicked" too and I won't have that problem this time! Yeah! Hadn't thought of that.

I knew I was too fat for years,,,but it never hit me so hard as one day in October 2007 when I was on the subway. The car was almost full with two seats left. One seat was next to me and the other was next to this stinky, homeless guy. A well-dressed man came onto the train, took one look at me with disgust, and went to sit next to the homeless guy.

That was devastating...and that was my wake up call.

From that day forward I realized I always had a seat to myself on these crowded trains -- nobody wanted to sit next to the fat woman unless they were forced to. The seats with the skinny people always got filled first.

I'd seen that same look of disgust before when I got on airplanes at my heaviest weight. Nobody wants to sit next to a fat person...