I am terrified of this...mainly because I've experienced it before. OT story time! Years ago, I did some major damage to my ankle and I never regained total use. I had been a dancer for years; dance had become a part of my self and having that ability ripped away was heart-wrenchingly painful.
So when i started losing weight, i worried about the same emotions rising. Knowing the consequences, I'm working really hard to ensure that I replace those parts of my identity with new healthy habits. Shifting away from being "the chubby one" is helping to make the transition easier. I think its really important for everyone to do the same.
I've been fat, in varying degrees, since I was in elementary school. Heck YES I was afraid to change myself, even as I was excited, and it is a constant growing process. I just pray a lot and take it a pound at a time, that is manageable and gives my brain time to catch up with the changes I am experiencing, as well as get adjusted to this way of life.
I was a skinny kid, slightly overweight in highschool, got back in shape in college and then ballooned up when I had my first kid...and I've been obese ever since (for almost 9 years and 2 more kids later).
I was terrified to start...I knew I had to do something though. It's been a very emotional journey and I really never knew you could experience such a big mix at the same time! It has slacked off a bit now with the main issue of being unsure of myself...in time I'm confident that it'll go away
ha, something I believe too. makes us interesting.
I've been heavy since I was a young kid, so yes, I've always thought of myself in terms of being big. I've been losing and gaining and losing since I was a teenager (never got to the point of being thin, did get to 20 or 30 lbs overweight as an adult). I don't have a "starting" fear because of that, I do get anxieties about not reaching my final goal.
I've been losing it slowly this time around too, and that's allowed me to adjust to my changing body. I think I have had (and still have) fears that if I lost the weight I'd be vulnerable to facing all kinds of challenges/experiences that I let my weight keep me from doing.
at the other end of the stick, losing the weight I have has given me a lot of happiness and pleasure. I feel more like the real me as the weight comes off. and I'm much happier being more in touch with my body and physically healthier. that is one of the things that helps keep me going, knowing that I can build on those feelings.
I know how that feels as well. TERRIFIED cubed. I have been fat since about the age of 8 or so. I, however, was unlike you in that I wasn't the fat jolly girl. I have been depressed most of my life and that is what I present to the world. To the very few people who really know me, I am loving and supportive but distant. My fat is my wall. But as I read in an article or a book once, walls keep people out, but they also lock me in.
When I lose the weight, I will lose the wall and that is scary. Who will I be at a normal weight? I have no idea. It's probably why I keep putting off the weight loss even though I know how bad my health is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonwoman64
I think I have had (and still have) fears that if I lost the weight I'd be vulnerable to facing all kinds of challenges/experiences that I let my weight keep me from doing.
YUP
One of my favorite bumper stickers is "Everybody is dysfunctional; get over it." In my words, we all have our challenges and are working thru them at our own pace.
Keep at it. You can do it.
Last edited by MoveMoveMove; 01-04-2010 at 10:34 AM.
I've never been thin, I have no idea what to expect but I CAN'T WAIT!!!!
Me too! I've been overweight my entire life (well, since 3rd grade, but I have NO memories of what it feels like to be "normal"), and I'm scared b/c I feel like I'm giving up my identity. I've just started trying to lose weight (again!), and I completely understand.
welcome!
I can so identify with what you all are saying. It seems that I have been using fat my whole life to 'protect' myself from the outside world and the inner me.
I think focusing on only losing 10% at a time was a break through for me. It gave me time to get used to a 'new' body before I went to the next layer.
For me, it has been a huge struggle to get past certain weights due to my mental blocks. I enjoy where I'm at now and actually that is part of my problem because when you weigh 300 lbs or more for 15 years, all your adult life and then you weigh just over 200 lbs, it feels good. The 200 lb mark is a huge mental block for me because I am scared. I keep trying different mental tricks to get past it but I haven't yet. One day I will though.
Yeah, I've been a big girl ever since I hit puberty. And as much as I hated being so, I know it defined a lot of who I've been all these years. The shy, asexual, "one of the guys" fat chick that's really nice and gets along with everyone . . . because she's afraid of not being good enough or even accepted because she feels big and ugly . . .
Both times I lost a substantial amount of weight as an adult and got near 220 (which of course is still at a point of obesity), it was a scary time for me. I wasn't used to getting noticed by guys or being called pretty, I felt like I stood out in a weird way, and didn't know how to deal with coworkers and friends who were used to the "old" me and weren't so sure they wanted me to change for the better. I didn't feel "safe" and the weight came right back.
I'm only about 30 pounds from that point now (this is only the third time as an adult that I've been under 250) and hope to get much lower but I think it's scarier than being at my highest weight! But I'm not exactly in the same place anymore. I'm doing my best to concentrate on my health and how I feel, not my appearance. Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't consider my appearance at all.
Oddly enough, I think something that's helping me this time around is the fact that I moved far away. I've lived out west with my boyfriend for a couple of years now and he's been nothing but encouraging about my weight loss (which is much more than I can say about my ex and even many of my old friends back home). I don't have anyone looking down their nose at me for running off to the Y or making snarky comments about my vanity or supposedly being anorexic. I just . . . get to be me. Not a "fat" person or "skinny" person, but somewhere in between as I continue to make this progress.
Anyway, I've found I want to feel sexy (which I often do, lol), I want to feel pretty (which gets a little tougher). And I'm tired of being a walking doormat just because I'm afraid people won't like me if I so much as make a small disagreement.
I still have plenty of insecure moments and have no clue who I'll be as a thinner girl. But I imagine I'll still just be me with a lot less baggage (both literally and figuratively).
I think it's a real fear but as you start to lose you overcome that fear. You replace it with new found confidence as you see your body change. I am not to my goal yet but I love the changes that I have so far!
What a beautiful post, Sirenity. I am afraid of some of those very same things. I know that as I lose those feelings will kick in and sabotage my progress. I have more confidence this time in my abilities to use my tools to overcome them. I can't prevent the feelings, but I can deal with better now. I have learned how to re-focus my thoughts and how my thoughts bring my emotions which bring my actions. I still feel like I am going to be walking around "naked" once I get to goal, but I trust myself 100% to handle it. I call the shots now in my head - I no longer give other people that power.
I like the idea of 10% mini-goals and getting used to each weight as it comes. It's a cliche, but one day at a time.
