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Old 11-29-2009, 03:28 PM   #1  
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Default shame spiral

Hey kids,

So I'm back for the gazillionth time, only 10 pounds still gone since my last attempt back in the spring. I dropped about 25 then, and gained somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 back when life exploded all around me. It makes me sad that I felt like I had such a breakthrough when I hit that 25 lb. mark -- went back and read my blog from May and I seemed to really be kicking butt -- until a myriad of injury related (bum knee, heel spur) and injury unrelated (family, job) things derailed me.

I'm in that place now where I'm just so ashamed that I not only let myself get this big in the first place, but I made some progress only to screw myself again. I know I'm ready to stop this cycle once and for all because, as the old expression goes, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I realize that if I don't get rid of at least 120 pounds once and for all, I'm in for a world of hurt.

But for the first time in my life I'm scared to fail. I don't feel that weird but sort of healthy cockiness I usually do when I'm about to start off on this whole weight loss thing. I just feel defeated and I don't know how to shake that off. I do know that such an attitude will be my undoing in the long run, so I'm trying to resolve it from the get go.

Any advice or suggestions? 3FC has always been such a great resource and wealth of inspiration and support, so I'm once again turning to you guys because I'm sure someone out there knows what's going on in my head right now and may be able to slap me into reality.

Promises that I'll try to keep my future posts way more uplifting than this one.

Thanks everyone. Hope you had a beautiful Thanksgiving.
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Old 11-29-2009, 04:43 PM   #2  
Never surrender
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you're 10 lbs thinner than you were. you didn't gain back the 25 you lost plus some. you probably have a clearer idea of what things might trigger your unproductive eating or habits that are not good for your plan.

you faced challenges and had hiccups. like tons of other people here.

never surrender to me means taking those kinds of steps forward, and realizing that I'm changing, progressing, making better choices, even if I back slide, take longer, screw up. I've made it this far, I can go all the way. There's so many people here who have gone the distance and have tons of information, experience, tips to share, already have shared on these threads.

keep walking, and you'll reach your goal
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Old 11-29-2009, 04:49 PM   #3  
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This quote comes to mind:

"The only way not to fail is to determine to succeed"

So I urge you to DECIDE to do this - once and for all and permanently. No matter what. NO MATTER WHAT!!! Losing weight is a doable thing for any one and every one (yourself included), regardless of your past history. COMMIT to "this" 150%. Make it your number one priority, you job, your mission.. Make a plan, tweak it as need be. Get rid of the junk, load up your home with good, healthy low calorie foods. Set some boundaries. Make some rules. Plan out your food schedule in advance. Journal your food - it's one of the most effective weight loss tools. Give it all you've got and watch those pounds melt off. Become passionate about it. Find the joy in it. You will astound yourself with all that you are capable of.

You CAN do this. I am certain of it. You CAN do this - and you should. I mean really, why wouldn't you????
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Old 11-29-2009, 06:03 PM   #4  
Never want to go back!
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Welcome back! Personally, I am wary of that healthy cockiness feeling. It feels great in the moment, but like a spark it burns brightly for a moment then fizzles out soon after. You're better off with an intellectual approach where you are making conscious decisions to take better care of yourself, separate from the emotion. Taking good care of yourself has to be something you do whether you feel like doing it or not. The healthy cockiness feeling makes it a breeze to take care of yourself when you want to, but it's no help when you'd rather eat burgers and ice cream for every meal.

So decide to do this for yourself because it's the right thing to do for you. You know how! You can do it!
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Old 11-29-2009, 07:05 PM   #5  
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Welcome back! Do you have a plan in place? Maybe write down what your plan and goals are. Since it's so overwhelming, maybe start by just drinking more water every day. Or going for a 10-15 minute walk. Small, baby steps.
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Old 11-29-2009, 07:38 PM   #6  
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I think it's fantastic that you didn't put all 25 back on plus some. When I give up, I give up big. I have this all or nothing mentality which needs to change. You didn't do that. You got back on the wagon before the crash and burn. Good for you!
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Old 11-30-2009, 12:11 AM   #7  
hot. like a curry.
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Thanks so much for your thoughtful responses. I think I needed that reminder that I'm human, ya know? CL, it's interesting what you said about the cockiness. I never thought about it that way before...I think I just viewed it as confident enthusiasm. But you're right, that can't sustain itself. I need to be more level headed and realistic, and I'm taking those words to heart.

Eliana, this is the first time I caught myself before the all or nothing thing kicked in, because I'm usually the same way. I'm hoping that somehow means I wasn't ready to throw it all out the window this time.

I'm feeling a bit better now. I have my plan in place, ate like a human being today, and when I needed to run an errand this afternoon I actually walked instead of driving.

Baby steps, right?

Hope y'all have a great Monday.
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