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Old 11-15-2009, 03:21 PM   #1  
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Default OT- Just need too rant

Last wednesday my dad went to the emergeny room after falling off a ladder. He fell 10 feet and landed on his tailbone. He broke L2 in his back. He has been at Harborview since thursday, and my step mom has been with him since he went to the first emergency room and Wednesday. She hasnt been home since Wednesday morning. So she asks her son to clean up his dishes and take care of the animals sonce no one else will be home for awhile. And if anyone does come home, will we be staying? Of course not. I come home, take a shower, clean up what I can and go to work. Or my grandma comes home with my sister, cleans up what che can and gets more clothes and stuff for my step mom and heads back to the hospital. I came home on Thursday and there was crap all over the place. Sink full of dishes, the house hasnt been vacuumed since monday, and it just looks horrible. I'm emotionally and physically tired from lack of sleep and worry. My step brother is sitting at the computer desk, has been there for only God knows how many hours. Doesn't give a rip that the house is in shambles. He's an useless lump he cant see past the end of his nose. He leaves pop cans and garbage all over the place. And cleaning up after your self does not mean leaving your dishes in the sink and garbage all over the place for someone else to pick up after you. I am so close to freaking out on him and requesting that he remove his head from his behind and start caring about someone other than himself and the Beattles. No disrespect to them, but really, he wasnt even a twinkle in anybody's eye when they were really popular. I can't take it anymore, and I honestly dont understand how his mother, one of the sweetest most loving and caring people I know could have had a son as selfish as he is. I feel a little bit better now...but I dont think my stress level will go down until my dad is home from the hospital and on the mend.
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Old 11-15-2009, 03:42 PM   #2  
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ouch! I hope that your dad is okay! that sounds like a crazy past couple of days!!

As far as your Step-brother, you didn't mention his age, but I assume he is maybe high school age? I think at that age they do have a hard time "seeing past their nose".
If you want to keep the peace in an already tense situation, Just calmly remind him to do one chore at a time. Before work, just say, hey could you get the dishes done?" and leave it at that. Laundry lists of chores, accusations, yelling, and demands will make a teenager shut up tighter than a clam. Plus they will make a teenager feel like they are being picked on (which will probably not help your cause either.)

While it's not fair that he is not helping out, Video/computer games might be his way of coping with the situation too....
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Old 11-15-2009, 03:44 PM   #3  
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Sounds like you've had a really rough week. I was married to someone like your step brother, trust me he won't change. My thoughts are with you and your family. Be sure to take some time for yourself, and encourage your step mother to do the same.
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Old 11-15-2009, 06:07 PM   #4  
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Sounds stressful! I really empathize.

One thing I have found helpful with teenage boys or "boys" beyond their teens - give up on expecting them to just do the right thing and accept that you have to tell them each and every thing you want them to do, and when, and what actually consititutes doing it. And expect to do it every time.

No, it's not fair. But it's a lot less stressful to give up the emotional engagement in trade for having things done.

Because, often they actually will do things if you are very specific and clear.
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Old 11-17-2009, 08:57 PM   #5  
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First if the Harborview Hospital you mentioned is in Seattle, your dad is in a good place. Many many years ago my mom was there for back surgery over the Thanksgiving holiday. They even provided turkey sandwiches for those who could eat solid food.

About the mess in the house. How important is it? If I were in your shoes, I would point out to my step bro that behavior has consequences. I would take care of my stuff.. not his.. then when his mom comes home.. he will have to deal with the results.. I would also take a moment to breathe! then maybe prepare mom for the house. If it really is a no clean zone. then the young man will have to deal with mom and step dad.
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Old 11-17-2009, 11:38 PM   #6  
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Been in similar shoes. It bites!

Being the person I am, I would probably sit the son down and explain to him that he HAS to pitch in, it is what families do! It won't kill him to spend an hour or two doing a few things. A sink full of dishes, the trash, and feed the dog and pick up the poo, maybe an hour, less if he gets his rear in gear.

If he still isn't willing, I would take all the computer cords and put them in the trunk of my car or something, and tell him to get his bum busy if he wants them back.

But, that's just me. Take it for what it's worth.

I had one son who had an accident, surgery, wheelchair, crutches, the whole thing took 4 months. DH, cut off a couple of fingers, plus extenuating injuries, was off work for 15 months. Multiple surgeries, rehab, workman's comp fights, blah, blah, yada, yada. I know how you feel.
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