I have thought over and pondered just about every point brought up here.
I don't have a clue as to why there are people who can eat all the 'bad stuff' and remain thin. I do get not eating when you're not hungry, although a few short months ago I was baffled by that concept. Now that I put into practice stopping at a certain point (that's enough calories, I'm full, that isn't tasting as good as I thought it would, etc) it's easier for me to understand. But the 'bad' eating on a regular basis and still being in good health is beyond me.
My husband loves bad food, eats it on a regular basis, hates vegetables, if you fry it he will come, skips breakfast, & lives on pepsi. Just went to the doctor: perfect weight, perfect labs, doesn't need to change a thing, he's in perfect health.
Life is not fair. Ugggh! Maybe it is genetics....or metabolism (although he's a hard worker he's always had a desk job)....or something special that I certainly don't have
I am still a work in progress, but here is what I have noticed so far:
1. When I eat small amounts more frequently, I am much less tempted to eat something because I think it will taste good. I usually assess my hunger level and will pass on the food, or take it home for later.
2. I still have "trigger" foods. I can have a pint of ice cream in the fridge for months. I can have candy, chips, cookies etc. in the house and not be tempted. Now, if those cookies are freshly baked and warm out of the oven - I have a MUCH more difficult time not overeating them. Thus, I don't bake cookies very often.
3. The speed at which I eat - the MINDFULNESS in which I eat is critical. If I eat mindfully - experiencing and enjoying the food, I will usually stop before my plate is empty. I don't think I can explain it well but - here goes.
The obese me enjoyed the act of eating - often shoveling food in and thinking about the next bite - not the current one. She liked being full. Her brain equated eating and pleasure. She saw food as a reward, and thus eating any food she desired, sometimes in large quantities was a way of showing love to herself.
The thin me enjoys food. She enjoys each bite as she is eating it. She isn't looking for the next one until long after she finishes savoring the current one - and sometimes one bit is enough. The thin me does not like the feeling of being "full". She always stops eating before she gets to that place - which is now an uncomfortable place to be. The thin me does not equate food with love, acceptance, reward, or any other intrinsic value. The thin me sees food as fuel. It can be savored and enjoyed - but it is fuel none-the-less. The thin me knows that every calorie counts. She balances those calories to nourish and care for her body. She is far pickier about what she eats - virtually all potential foods go through a rigorous screening process and most just don't pass the test.
Food makes me happy. When I bite into a particularly morish morsel, I get a massive hit of endorphins. All the happy chemicals in my head go sky high, and my brain says "Hey, that was good! Do it again, do it again, do it again!". And for over 10 years I did.
I don't think naturally skinny people get that. Often food is a hassle or a chore, or it's just vaguely pleasant, but quickly stops being pleasant when they've had enough.
Lately I've been thinking about how I just don't understand how everyone isn't overweight (I guess I mean in countries like the US, where food is overly abundant).
...
I just don't get it. I have to fight the urge to buy and eat so many different things, constantly. I'm always thinking about it, and I'm always faced with a new food possibility, and telling myself no all the time is so difficult. I just don't get how those who aren't overweight think!
Any thoughts? Any "normal weight" people behavior that baffles you?
It doesn't really baffle me, because I understand it better now than I did about 5 months ago. I've been dialing down my portions and building up the ability to delay gratification through time and, while it's still not easy, it's at the tip of my fingers most of the time and often I can actually reach it.
Part of the situation is mental conditioning and part is biology. I don't mean that they are metabolically lucky or anything, but just that they listen to their bodies satiety cues more readily and that those cues are stronger in them than they are in "us" (overweight people).
I think eating patterns and ones relationship with food is something that can be adjusted slowly upward or downward. People of normal weight haven't adjusted their food "thermostat" upward. They tend to keep it stable or to turn it down if they feel they need to lose weight. Our eating is the equivalent of running the thermostat at a high temperature all of the time. We get so used to it that we feel "cold" (empty) at "normal" temperatures.
It's really hard to make the adjustment so that you don't act on your urge to eat whatever you want whenever you want, but it can be done. Your body is going to fight you all of the way, as is your psychology. As you say, no one is stopping you so you can do what you want. I think the fact that we think like that speaks to a certain psychological state in people who are overweight. We think that only other people should stop us because perhaps we place control of our behavior outside of ourselves. Somewhere along the road to adulthood, we didn't internalize the fact that we are in charge of ourselves.
I'm not talking about "self-control" or the so-often-overcited use of "willpower". I'm talking about locus of control. It's not that we can't control ourselves, but we feel others are in control of us in one way or another and that they deserve or simply possess that power. Someone has to stop us because someone has always stopped us, or told us when to start. There are probably all sorts of reasons for this, but part of it is probably related to issues of esteem and not trusting ourselves. I think people who are not overweight have an internal locus of control (among other things). I'm sure that they don't understand the way we think either, and I think that's part of why they judge us so harshly.
Last edited by screamingfatgirl; 11-16-2009 at 03:39 AM.
I always thought naturally thin people were immune to all the temptations we are, but that's just not true. They might not hear the voices screaming to eat it LOL but they still want it and choose not to eat it. Some people don't have to think about it, they eat a handful of M&Ms and that's fine. Other people say "wow i'd like this, but better not" and then there's how I used to be "OMG if i don't eat this entire family-sized bag of M&M's who KNOWS when i'll be able to have it again??" LOL
Food is a weird issue for a lot of people, a lot of my always-thinny friends just NEVER and i mean NEVER, buy chocolate or chips for the house, cuz they'd eat the lot. But they make the choice to not be tempted, they choose not to act like a spoiled child and shovel everything and anything they want into their gullet
I think there are two types of "naturally slim" people being discussed here:
1) People who have the natural ability to control their food intake;
2) People who eat junk in massive quantities and remain slim.
The first batch are my heroes - I want to be like them! The second batch are the "baffling" bunch IMHO. I've seen lots of them (including my DH and daughter). When I was in the Navy, I went on deployments and we'd get care packages from people filled with junk food. My roommates ate it like there was no tomorrow, did not exericise, and remained slim and healthy (as judged by their ability to pass the Physical Readiness Test with minimal preparation). I had to refrain from the junk and run daily to stay just a smidge inside the weight/body fat maximum for my height and barely pass the run portion of the PRT. After years of seeing this happen day after day...I finally got the message - life isn't fair. We just gotta learn to play with the cards we were dealt!
I used to be a naturally thin person--one who could eat half a sandwich, leave candy in the cupboard for weeks, etc.--until I made the mistake of thinking I wasn't losing my after-baby weight fast enough and started my first DIET.
That did me in. I got on the diet roller coaster 32 years ago, and have been battling ever since. I have so many issues about food, eating, and body appearance, it's not even funny.
I'd caution anyone, if you're naturally thin, don't ever start dieting. Don't even start playing around with trying to cut your calories or anything like that, because even though people try to say that it's a "lifestyle change", it's still a diet, and it'll still set you on the path of losing your naturally thin habits.
My brother-in-law is one of those weird thin people who can turn down food. He never, ever over-eats, and some days just "forgets" to eat at all. He doesn't like chocolate and rarely eats sweets. To him, food is now and always has been something he HAS to have so he won't starve. There are few things he wants or craves. And he's never had a weight problem.
I sometimes marvel at how different my attitudes are toward food and alcohol. I can take or leave alcohol-- if offered a drink I may take it and forget to finish it. I seem to know just when to say when if, for example, wine is being served with dinner. I know that for an alcholic those things woud be a daily struggle. For me, it's food.
I feel the same way. I don't consider myself a non-drinker, but it never occurs to me to do so, I don't crave it, I don't love it or hate it when I do drink, and I rarely finish a whole drink. Food is a different story. I crave it, think about it all the time, love it even when it's not that good, and eat every crumb when others seem to be able to leave a little. It's my addiction.
I had a friend growing up who would forget to eat and when she did eat, she'd give up after eating half of it because she just wasn't interested. It wasn't an eating disorder. Her mom said as a newborn, she'd have to wake her up to eat. She just wasn't born with much of a hunger impulse and derived little enjoyment from food. I used to wish I could be like her, but now I can see that she is missing out on a big pleasure in life.
To me, it's all brain chemistry. Sometimes it works in your favor, sometimes it doesn't.
