So much feedback, this is great!

I don't think that he meant to be offensive, but it still was offensive, so that's no excuse. Plus there's an age difference, I'm in my late twenties, and he's in his late thrities, so there's that different dynamic as well.

I do know that his wife is not breastfeeding, I'm not sure that she did at all--the baby was in the ICU for some time after being born.

I agree that it would be offensive to his wife--and she wasn't there! (She was at the party, but there were tons of people there, so she didn't hear the statement) Is it better or worse that he said it with her not there? Not really sure. Her dad was definitely there, so...yeah. Weird.

He didn't seem to react at all after he said it, although I didn't really look at him, I just paid attention to the baby. I didn't really want to deal with it.

I guess I'm just disgusted that people think it's okay to say things like this, because like I said, he's not the only one. I don't feel as skeeved out when women do it, but it gets annoying sometimes. This one woman even told me I should have a breast reduction because she was so happy after getting hers reduced! And I had just met her! I mean, come on! That's none of her business! People are so obsessed with boobs! Come on!

Oh Paris, Paris, Paris... I have a feeling though you are quite young, you are an old soul if that makes sense.. please don't take that the wrong way, I'm not much older than you (32) and am an old soul for the most part. We are still mentally in an era where morals were strong. What is really funny when I find people who relate to my way of thinking, usually they are either much much older or they are very religious, which I am neither of.

I think that today's society has made sex too open and it seems like nothing is off limits. It seems to get harder and harder to watch TV, go to the mall, read a magazine, etc without being slightly shocked at the sex that is in it all... and then I wonder how in the world I'm going to keep my 10 year old son from wanting to start exploring in the next few years... or for that matter any of my kids, but he is the oldest and the first I have to worry about. I went to the mall over the weekend for the first time in months and was shocked (as usual) at the 10 foot tall posters of barely there bra wearing women with low cut panties hanging in the Victoria's Secret windows.... how in the world can an ad like that be ok for a public mall where I take my young children?

Anyway.. is it worse that his wife didn't hear it, hmmmm wonder if he would have said it had his wife been there, but he is definately old enough to know to what the word respect means.

Originally Posted by JayEll:
I dunno--it just doesn't strike me as highly inappropriate. It doesn't sound like he was saying it in a leering way or anything like that. And why wouldn't a baby like to sleep on larger breasts? Sounds nice, actually.

Jay

I agree! I wouldn't have really thought twice about it, if he wasn't being a creeper when he said it. Boobs are boobs. Babies like boobs. Most men like boobs. Most women like boobs. And they're for babies and reproduction anyway - which is probably a brand new I'm-a-dad-now thought process for him.

PS - I don't think the age difference should make much of a difference. I'm 20, and I've got pretty decently sized breasts (36DD), and I've also been around a LOT of brand spankin' new babies and their brand spankin' new daddies - I would have probably just taken it in stride like a math problem. (Baby + Boobs = Happy baby, in Dad's mind. Maybe he was giving you a compliment about your natural maternal gifts!). But again, if there was a creeper instinct about it, that changes things a little. If anything, maybe it shows a maturity on his part to not always associate breasts with eroticism?

I agree fawn, there's this weird tension between strong morals and exaggerated displays like the victoria's secret you were posting about. I don't think it has anything to do with religion, some things are just personal!

And eskimo--I don't think it's possible for a man to think about breasts in a non-erotic way. Not to say that he doesn't understand that they are there for feeding the baby, of course he does, but heterosexual men always see breasts as something erotic (even some homosexual men do--they don't have them, it is something foreign!).

And I get the idea that, yes, it probably is more comfortable. But if the baby had been on my stomach, and he had said "I bet the baby is really comfortable on a big belly" since I'm overweight, would that have been okay? No way! Just because large breasts are considered "good" in our culture doesn't make it okay to comment. And I don't think it was a compliment on my "maternal gifts" as breast size has nothing to do with the ability to have or feed children. If he had said I had "good birthing hips", would that have been okay? Again, no way!

I think that men just like to talk about breasts.

I don't know, I just get madder and madder every time I think about it! If I meet him again, and he says something, I will most certainly pull him aside and say something about it.

Originally Posted by findingfawn:
Oh Paris, Paris, Paris... I have a feeling though you are quite young, you are an old soul if that makes sense.. please don't take that the wrong way, I'm not much older than you (32) and am an old soul for the most part. We are still mentally in an era where morals were strong.

Or even just basic manners (I'm not talking special forks here), instead anything goes as long as you meant well or didn't think.

Originally Posted by paris81:
I agree fawn, there's this weird tension between strong morals and exaggerated displays like the victoria's secret you were posting about. I don't think it has anything to do with religion, some things are just personal!

And eskimo--I don't think it's possible for a man to think about breasts in a non-erotic way. Not to say that he doesn't understand that they are there for feeding the baby, of course he does, but heterosexual men always see breasts as something erotic (even some homosexual men do--they don't have them, it is something foreign!).

And I get the idea that, yes, it probably is more comfortable. But if the baby had been on my stomach, and he had said "I bet the baby is really comfortable on a big belly" since I'm overweight, would that have been okay? No way! Just because large breasts are considered "good" in our culture doesn't make it okay to comment. And I don't think it was a compliment on my "maternal gifts" as breast size has nothing to do with the ability to have or feed children. If he had said I had "good birthing hips", would that have been okay? Again, no way!

I think that men just like to talk about breasts.

I don't know, I just get madder and madder every time I think about it! If I meet him again, and he says something, I will most certainly pull him aside and say something about it.

haha.. how true! My hubby is definately aware that my breasts are there for feeding the baby, but he also still holds a strong claim to them as his. :devil:

Originally Posted by cfmama:
Is the baby breastfed? I ask this because as a breastfeeding counselor and being around tons of babies AND their daddy's... daddy's often forget that breasts and talk about breasts can be sexual when their wives are using them to feed their children. It just becomes another body part to them for that time... so if there is a lot of boob action going on at home? That's probably part of it.

I was thinking the same thing! Probably because I am a doula and I teach childbirth and breastfeeding classes all the time so I talk about breasts A LOT :lol: His comment seems completely in line with stuff I have heard (and said) many times :) Breasts are not considered very "sexual" around my house, I guess, so no offense would be taken here.

I wonder if he was observing something about his new daughter, and not about you. He sounds like a new father, completely fascinated with everything about his little girl. It probably didn't even occur to him that said breasts actually had a person attached! You said there was no leering and no skeeviness. I wonder if it was something along the lines of "yeah, she really likes being bundled in blankets" or "she likes to sit up more than lie down" (as my nephew did)? That is, it came out of his mouth questionably, but the overall intent had nothing, really, to do with you.

Yeah, I thought about the breast-feeding issue, but like I said, she's not breastfed, and I don't think she ever was.

I don't think he was thinking too much about me when he made the comment, but I still don't think that excuses it. He was saying something about someone else's body, and it was inappropriate. It made me feel uncomfortable (there, I said it!). Ignorance is not an excuse.

Originally Posted by paris81:
Yeah, I thought about the breast-feeding issue, but like I said, she's not breastfed, and I don't think she ever was.

I don't think he was thinking too much about me when he made the comment, but I still don't think that excuses it. He was saying something about someone else's body, and it was inappropriate. It made me feel uncomfortable (there, I said it!). Ignorance is not an excuse.

I can see that. It's reasonable that you would be uncomfortable, because yes it was inappropriate. Under the circumstances, it may be forgivable. You decide that. So where do you go from here? You can speak up for yourself now, or you can speak up for yourself in the future. Decide on your path and stick to your guns. You should feel better.

Originally Posted by paris81:
And eskimo--I don't think it's possible for a man to think about breasts in a non-erotic way.... ... but heterosexual men always see breasts as something erotic (even some homosexual men do--they don't have them, it is something foreign!).

If anything, I think that this sexist stereotyping is much more offensive than a reflective comment about his daughters reaction to something (which unfortunately just happened to be a body part that you're uncomfortable with) that was made with seemingly good intentions.

Being uncomfortable with people talking about one's breasts is *not* the same thing as being uncomfortable with one's breasts. Not. At. All. I really can't believe that one is supposed to come up with excuses for someone talking to you about your or their wive's breasts.

I wasn't trying to imply that the OP was uncomfortable with her own breasts, OR that she was responsible for making excuses for this guys comment. Just that there are certainly more than one way to look at a situation before passing catty judgment (especially a ridiculous one about an entire genders ability to think beyond their testosterone, which I find really offensive)

Eskino-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. It's just that all the men I know, those that have had children and those that don't, all sexualize breasts. Maybe I just know a particularly obsessive group of men.

And I'm not uncomfortable with my breats. Not one bit. I, in fact, love my breasts. I'm uncomfortable with a comment on my body. I would have been uncomfortable had he made any comment about my body, regardless of whether or not it could be seen as sexual. I felt more uncomfortable since it was a body part that is generally, especially in our culture, seen as sexual.

Originally Posted by Eskinomad:
If anything, I think that this sexist stereotyping is much more offensive than a reflective comment about his daughters reaction to something (which unfortunately just happened to be a body part that you're uncomfortable with) that was made with seemingly good intentions.

Originally Posted by Eskinomad:
I wasn't trying to imply that the OP was uncomfortable with her own breasts, OR that she was responsible for making excuses for this guys comment. Just that there are certainly more than one way to look at a situation before passing catty judgment (especially a ridiculous one about an entire genders ability to think beyond their testosterone, which I find really offensive)

Um, OK.