Before I would approach any obese person, or talk loudly nearby about my weight loss, I'd ask myself how I would feel if I were still obese and someone did that near me. I don't think I would have liked it. I think I'd probably have moved farther away from them.

I notice obese people more now, too--mostly I think about how I could be there... But when I was obese, it wasn't that I lacked knowledge.

I try to remember that what other people are eating is none of my business, and vice versa.

As someone who gave up alcohol and tobacco long ago, I see a lot of drinkers and smokers out there who I wish would change, but I don't exactly want to approach them... I do sometimes want to snatch cigarettes out of teenagers' mouths, though... :yikes:

Jay

Lead by example. Absolutly.

You're right, of course, but the zeal to 'save' people is very strong! So many people, perhaps some of us at some point in some lives, might have thought - she's doing it but I Never could.

I'd have hated a direct approach, though. Most of my fat life, I thought I was invisible, so to discover that someone had discovered my fatness would have been horrible!

Leading by example is a GREAT thing to do. Probably why I get such a HUGE kick out of entertaining and serving my friends incredibly delicious healthy fare.

But of course leading by example doesn't work when you meet perfect strangers. Public transportation's been mentioned and that's where I notice a LOT of morbidly obese people. And these are the folks for some reason I have this huge urge to reach out and help the most. But there is not one thing you can say to these people. Not a one. The best you can do is give a big smile and a "have a good day". Same goes with people in the supermarket. I so badly would LOVE to overhaul and makeover their shopping carts. Can't do it.

Great point made here:

Except...it isn't always us and THEM...
 

Years ago I would have sympathized 100% with this post. I would diet successfully and then look around myself and say, "My goodness! Look how that person is living!" I must admit that looking back I see some hubris in my attitude. I couldn't sympathize or empathize any longer with THOSE PEOPLE who had no control over their bodies because I had learned to gain control.

Well, I lost control. Again and again. I've been up and down this roller coaster many times. And it wasn't just "fad" dieting. I've been through several "lifestyle changes" that for one reason or another came to a slow end and I reverted back to my old habits.

As you're standing there thinking about those other "fat" people, think about this. Maybe 2-3 years ago one of those people that you eyed so critically had successfully shed 100+ pounds and was looking at YOU in Wal-Mart thinking to herself "My goodness, look at all that crap in her cart!" Seriously.

I'm not saying this to be unsympathetic to the OP. By all means, I applaud your success and your willingness to help. Perhaps you can channel that energy into the WL group you mentioned, or becoming a personal trainer. But I wouldn't advise wasting another second of your time second guessing why that stranger in Wal-Mart is overweight and whether or not she needs your assistance. Instead, just view it as a reminder that the road back to morbid obesity is a very slippery slope.

I also sympathise with the OP's feelings, but can't imagine how I could constructively influence a stranger's outlook. The suggestion to start a TOPs group is terrific -- folks who are ready to change can certainly use help. But those who aren't ready...

I have relatives that I am worried about, but I don't feel it would be appropriate or effective to do anything other than lead by example. I hope that they find the motivation within themselves to make lifestyle changes. If they do, and look to me for advice, *then* I'll have plenty to say!

Critical? No, siree. This is NOT about criticizing anyone or looking down upon anyone. No. No. No. It's about reaching out and HELPING others because we've been there. We WERE them. We want them SO badly to know how much better it is to be a healthy weight. How worth it this journey is. That it doesn't have to be this way. They don't have to risk their lives and live at a diminished quality of life. That there IS a way out. There IS a solution. We want to tell them that they too CAN do this. And that they should. AND THEY CAN. They really, really CAN.

No criticism whatsoever. Nothing could be further from the truth. We know the pain and the suffering and the misery. And now we now the joy and happiness and we just want others to have and experience that. It's difficult to explain, obviously, or else you wanted have mentioned that the OP or anyone else was being critical.

Critical? Oh gosh. Heavens no.

I work in a public library, so I see a large cross-section of people every day, which means that yes, I notice. It used to comfort me when I was heavy. Now that I'm approaching 'normal' (three more pounds on the BMI scale!), it does kind of make me sad.

The thing that still takes me by surprise is the way my coworkers ask for diet and exercise advice from me now. This happens to everyone who loses weight, I know, but these people have always been smaller than me, so it's kind of strange to be the 'health guru' around the office all of a sudden.

THIS. I met a woman through a mutual friend recently and we all went to the movies together. She is morbidly obese, and watching her struggle to fit into the old, tiny theater seats brought back a lot of painful memories for me. It made me so happy I'd made that change for myself, sure, but I also wished she could know what it's like not to have to go through that.

It's not about judgment when you've been there. It's about wishing you could share these news feelings with everyone else. I think that's why you hear of so many Biggest Loser contestants becoming personal trainers. It's not exactly a lucrative career, so you have to do it because you love it.

I would just say that we certainly don't know anyone's story and I'd hate to judge someone. Of course I do have shopping cart voyeurism and find it interesting.

I'm sure there are people that look at me and think I need someone to save me because I'm overweight. I certainly don't need to be saved as I'm happy where I am at. I eat well and I exercise.

This thread kind of reminds me of when I weighed over 300 lbs and was trying to lose weight, exercising almost every day and some runner type came up to me and told me I was a fat cow and needed to do some exercise.

This thread just reminds me of the vast differences in personalities. Some people are more empathetic than others. Where some people might see criticisim, others see opportunities to reach out and help others. We should all remember that empathy should be tempered with sound judgement and criticism should be tempered with a dose of empathy. Our nation is quickly becoming obese and unhealthy and our healthcare resources are stretched to the limit. The willingness of successful weight losers to share their knowledge is necessary. There is very little valid iweight loss information available today and even less information availabe about maintaining.

Girlygirl... you hit the nail on the head. Bravo!

I grew up thin-- or at least of a normal weight-- and it was a shock to realize one day maybe 5 or 6 years ago that I had ballooned out to the size of many of the people who I considered "fat." Since I am so tall, I can carry a lot of weight without anyone (including myself) noticing. I think the recognition happened maybe in 2005 or so that I was "fat." It really sneaked up on me.

Now, here is a realization I made: I was at a grocery store a week or so ago, and saw an Asian couple who were small and thin-- very healthy looking. In their carts there were cabbage, tomatoes (not 2 or 3 but at least a dozen), all sorts of peppers, squash, a watermellon, and 2 itsy-bitsy squab like birds (sunday meal?)

Next to them was an overweight American pair. In their cart were snack cakes, crackers, chips, tins of food, a ton of processed frozen dinners, milk, baked goods-- not a vegetable in sight.

Hmmm? What could be the cause of their overweight? I think we do it to ourselves. I know I ate like a pig to get where I am. I would eat several servings of dinner, and munch all night long on the left-overs. My fat is the result of too much eating, plain and simple.

"I wanted to start ripping the crap away from all the people and yelling at them to get off the sauce."
thank god you didnt say that or something more hurtful. This is the reason why some heavy people avoid the public. I know this thread makes me think twice about showing my fat face in public. If it was so easy we'd all be thin and this site would'nt exist. But nobodys perfect.

I think one of the best things you can do is tell your story when someone asks. DH gets asked on a regular basis how he lost so much weight (120+) and he's always patient and explains things to people - as much detail as they want to hear. I think that's a gift. There are so many people in this world who want to make a change and if your story helps them even a tiny bit, it is worth telling. I think, too, that it's important that he doesn't try to make it sound like a big deal. He just ate less and exercised more (a lot more) but he didn't go on some super restrictive diet or anything. He just chose a different lifestyle and that's what he tells people.

I think that our time in this forum is how we help not only each other, but anyone who's looking for some help. Right? I mean when you get to know Robin and Mandalinn and the crazy Canadian Trazey and Rosinate and cfmama and everyone else their stories inspire you. Whether you want them to or not. And that's a gift they give us and we give each other.

AND WHETHER YOU KNOW IT OR NOT: people watch you when you lose weight. You might think they don't notice or don't care, but when's the last time someone YOU know lost weight and you didn't notice? Leading by example is a big thing, too.

I know exactly what you mean. I still see the 308lb person I used to be when I look in the mirror but while I sued to tbe the biggest person everywhere now there seem to be so many people bigger than me. I always felt like I was a freak for beign so fat - at this rate I will feel a freak when I'm at goal too as so many people around me are overweight. I think maybe some of these people were overweight anyway and it's just getting smaller that makes it more noticable but I'm also certain a few people I know have put on a lot of weight recently.