so i've definitely been MIA from this site (and my diet..) lately... and boy does it show!!! not only have i stopped losing weight, but i'm pretty sure i've put some on. i've been living in denial for the last few months and didn't think it would catch up to me. BUT IT DID. i just saw the first "full body" picture of myself about 5 mins ago. i've been hiding from the camera for awhile but sometimes people have captured the occasional "face shot". but my aunt managed to get a shot of me and emailed it to me. psh.... like i wanted to see that. i bawled for a minute, then almost threw up, and now decided to just do something about it. i can b!tch and moan all i want, but it's time to make a change. i've been on and off the wagon so many times i'm frankly sick of it.
my best friend just hit her goal of 103 pounds lost in a year! i'm trying to very hard to be happy for her (she is AMAZING!) but i'm admittedly a little jealous. when she started the weight loss i was right on track with her. i guess she just had more will power. but now it's my turn. i want to brag like she gets to! i want to donate all my "fat clothes" like she gets to. i want to feel like i finally did something good for myself.
even my hands have gotten fat. who knew that was possible?!!? i've never been self conscious of my hands. or my neck. or my feet. and they're all fat now. i'm scared to even step on the scale at this point. but..... i must..... so i'm sorry this got long. but if i didn't let this all out i was going to explode into a puddle of fat goo on my floor. ...... heading to the scale....... wish me luck...... (wish i wouldn't have just eaten that bowl of cheesy rice.... yikes.)