*applause* What an inspiring story of someone who turned their life around!!!! Congratulations - you deserve it!!!

HON! AMAZING story!!!! But you need to give yourself WAY more credit!!! Seriously -- when I read this, it became SO obvious that you had really decided to do what it was going to take for YOU to do it -- you found a plan that worked for you, committed, and DID it!

I found my Atkins book and re-read it, cover-to-cover. Hit the grocery store, got everything I needed, told my housemate anything in the kitchen with carbs was hers. Started right then, that afternoon, not the “next day.” I figured, if it didn’t work, then I’d investigate surgery, but Atkins had worked before, I hoped it would again.

Which is why I think this kind of bugs me:

I didn’t do anything special. I haven’t done anything painful. I just made the mental journey first…then the physical journey followed.

Hon, you DID do something special -- you took a hard accounting of your life, and made the RADICAL decision to CHANGE -- you picked a plan and you JUST. DID. IT. The mental decision to just DO IT is IMHO the absolute KEY. No "well, I'll just remove full fat milk for a while" -- you gave the carbs to your room mate, and started 100% with your eating plan. And you gotta admit that changing HOW you are and HOW you interacted with food AND alcohol AND Paxil IS pretty radical. And took courage, strength, and determination. And these decisions stemmed from your mindset. They stemmed from your honest evaluation of who you were, who you are, and who you wanted to be. And it seems that you redefined yourself and are living your new definition.

Thank you for your post...it is great to read and
100 MILLION :hug: your way...

Kira

What an awesome, inspirational story!! I needed to read this today, I have been feeling food weak for days now (with a minor binge every afternoon this week, even if I have been able to stay within my calories, they haven't been planned out, thought about ones).

Way to go DC!

I see what you’re saying, but there’s special, then there’s special.

--I didn’t have to journey via pack mule to a distant mountaintop in India and meet the one special guru who was able to wave his majik wand over me and “fix” me.
--I didn’t have to work through 10 years of therapy before starting.
--I didn’t have to pay for any kind of surgery or program in order to succeed.
--I didn’t have to spend four months in an in-patient mental health facility first (although it might have helped).

For me, “nothing special” is meant in the sense of, nothing so impossible-looking to do that it would prevent you from even trying.

But yes, OTOH you’re very right, I do have a tendency to downplay anything I have ever done myself. Ha, I’m second cousins with the most famous musical personality of all times, I won a state-wide award for writing, competing with high schoolers, in the second grade and I beat out 1,150 other applicants for a special government internship in college…and to me, none of these things are special either… :)

I saw a bookmark yesterday in Booksamillion and I just had to buy it. I hung it over my desk. It says:

WHAT WOULD YOU ATTEMPT TO DO IF YOU KNEW YOU COULD NOT FAIL?

This is so profound...and it is how I have decided to live my life. I'm on to something else now...the weightloss is still a high priority, but I now will be concentrating my mental efforts and focus in another direction. Weightloss now becomes priority #2, this other thing, priority #1. Wish me luck.

But hon, THIS is why what you've done is SPECIAL...you haven't devolved the responsibility for yourself to others. You haven't said "well, I COULD have done IT I'd seen the majik guru, or gone to therapy, or had surgery, or whatEVER". It is SO EASY to say these things. It is so EASY to fool oneself into THINKING they are making changes when the reality is that they aren't, or that clear, efficient and radical change just ISN'T possible.

What you have done is EXTRAORDINARY -- out of the realm of the usual. But you are right -- not out of reach of the ordinary person IF THEY CHOOSE TO DO SO. What you gotta remember is that MAKING THIS CHOICE is what makes you SPECIAL, distiinguished by an unusual quality.

After all, it what you did was ordinary and easy, heck, ALL of us would do it!!! The FACT that you did it and HOW you did it makes you both SPECIAL and EXTRAORDINARY!!!

And we love you for it...

And if you can, let us know what your new focus is!!! I'm so TOTALLY excited for you!!!

:hug:

Kira

(((((DC))))) I already know how amazing you are, but reading this all in one place...WOW...wow...I don't even know what you say!

You are such an inspiration. You figured it out! You have changed your life! You have done the IMPOSSIBLE!

I am proud to have you as my buddy and so happy to be sharing the journey with you!

:high:

Kira you are a philosopher aren't you. You have a lot more insight than virtually everyone I know...and I actually DO know professional philosophers. :)

Yeah OK, I bow to your wisdom. That was actually one of my biggest breakthroughs in 2008 that gave me the ability to do this...when I realized for the first time, no one is to blame for any of my problems/issues/whatever, except me. It's my responsibility to do what I need to do to make my life what I need it to be.

It would be wonderful to be able to blame all my past problems on my family, ex-husband, on fate for dealing me a hand which includes a body clearly unable to process sugar correctly (pancreatic issues, anyone?), or a body/mind prone to addictive, destructive behaviors.

It would be FABULOUS to be able to blame everything on others.

It would be FABULOUS to be able to use others as an excuse. Like, I can't lose weight because so-and-so doesn't support me.

Trust me, I used to use that one, a lot. I couldn't lose weight because ex-husband insisted on dessert every night...or roommate had blood sugar issues and had to keep cookies and juice on hand...or BFF wanted to go to KFC for dinner, and it would be rude not to go with her and eat there…those are awfully handy excuses for eating crap.

But.

I finally realized, NO ONE IS TO BLAME AND NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ME, EXCEPT ME.

It took me 39 years to figure that out…but I did figure it out. And as I recall, it came to me in a flash. And it was a very liberating thought. You really do cut painful emotional ties to other people, and to other things, when you realize, no one is responsible for you, but you.

Even when I am at other people’s houses, I am responsible for me. Sometimes this means, I have to speak up when I’d rather not, and say, I’m sorry but I can’t eat what y’all are eating for dinner, can you make me scrambled eggs, or else I’ll just run to the store myself…it’s not easy, but I have to do it, in order to be responsible to and honor myself.

At the age of 40, this is the first time in my life I’ve been strong enough to stand up for myself…and it all came from finally realizing, I’m the only one responsible for me. No one else gets the blame for my problems…nor do they get the credit for my successes.

Kiramira, you really are a very smart chickie. You keep making me more articulate than I usually am. :)

Oh and, the other thing I'm manifesting, well, it's the second impossible thing I'll do in my lifetime.

Obviously impossible things never happen--I mean, it's impossible to lose 120 lbs in a year without surgery, right.

Yesterday I made the decision about this second thing, I'm in my place of calm, quiet joy right now just as I was on August 14, 2008, knowing I'd do the impossible and lose this weight.

I promise I will post about it after it happens--even though doing this second thing will be impossible. Within the next 12 months I think. :)

Wow...wow...wow...:)

I totally heart you!

You are AMAZING, and I'll keep my fingers crossed for your next new adventure...

:hug:

Kira

Thank you so much for sharing that... I seriously feel so inspired now, and even more hopeful than I've already become! I'm so glad that you are so strong, because now it's helped make me even stronger... :hug: Thanks again :)