mmmm, Camembert.
I do mini-binges, I only began to recognize them as binges after I started paying attention to my normal sized husband's eating habits. I like to eat a nibble of everything in the kitchen and while I'm eating I really disconnect, I'm working on that big-time.
When I was last pregnant, in my second trimester I had this strange thing happen, I stopped craving food, bingeing etc. I wrote in my journal about it because it was so profound. I ate when I was hungry and didn't crave sweets or fats. My DH got me a Godiva ballatoin box for V-Day and I had one to be polite and stuck them in the fridge where they stayed uneaten untill I was about 4 weeks post-partum. I kept thinking that my overeating might be hormonally driven, so the pregnancy skewed my levels to where I felt like a normal eater feels, but now I wonder if I was being flooded with dopamine. It was a really happy time in my memory.
Whatever it was I wish desperately that I could get back to that state. Never before have I been more convinced that over eating is not about lack of willpower. If i had been able to keep that neurotransmitter mix going I'd be thin right now, there is no doubt in my mind. It was the only time in my life that food was just food, I made no emotional associations to it, it was fuel that's all. I wrote in my journal that "this must be what normal feels like, I don't ever want to go back."
Sorry that was a bit off track-
So I have been losing weight sucessfully now and I find that the most sucessful streaks are times when I try very hard to anticipate possible diet dangers. I eat every 2-3 hours, I just cut everything in half, and make it last for 2 "meals". I screw up when I lapse in this, or when I get stuck out and about without a good snack and a big bottle of cold water. If I bake something, I make DH take leftovers to the office
I try really hard to be conscious of hunger/boredom/fatigue/stress/anger etc. For years now I have been tuning it all out and feeding myself instead.
Example last night I found myself at 11PM in front of the fridge with a tub of coolwhip and a spoon. I put it down and after a few angonizing moments realized that I really needed to discuss a money issue with DH, it had to do with visiting my dying grandma and so was pretty emotionally fraught. It was uncomfortable to sort through it all and find the thing I was trying not to think about but I did it, we talked, and when he made popcorn later I wasn't at all interested because I was back in emotional equilibrium and I wasn't hungry.
If I can do this just half the time I feel like I'm making huge strides.
I guess it's all about coping strategies. Exercise is also great. I always heard this but had never stuck with it long enough to notice a difference in stress levels or eating impulses. But, lately I have to say when I get up early and spend an hour taking care of my body, raising my heart rate, breathing big deep breaths, I eat less all day, infact my screw-ups over the past 2 months have NEVER come on a day that I worked out(I looked through my journal entries to confirm it) . And I also seem to have more patience with my kids after a good bout of exercise.
And lastly, I keep something around that I can eat a lot of if I absolutley need to, celery, marinated cucumbers, watermelon, carrots, diet jello etc. Every morning, I make sure there is something in there for emergency, need to chew for a few minutes to feel better, times. I ate a lot of watermelon on saturday
So, my big question is will it always be this way, absolute vigillance, or do the habits finally become a part of your internal makeup. People who have quit smoking say they always crave smokes, just much less frequently. Will it be like that, I wonder.