Thighs originally posted: Hey, this a FANTASTIC question to ask! EXACTLY! WHY NOT??? That is one of the ULTIMATE questions I asked myself, "WHY NOT ME???" Then, I got mad about it and wanted to shout it to the universe, "WHY NOT ME!!!" YES, ABSOLUTELY ME is my answer to the question!
I encounter that a lot now. It's a little weird but I really don't go into details about how much I have left to lose, how much I've lost, etc to anyone except a few people here and of course y'all I do live in a very small town and half grew up here so if they don't come up to you and say something rest assured they are talking about it....the only reason I know is because I hear what they are saying (ie the next aisle of the grocery lol) or it gets back to me. Blah
The comments don't bother me too much...it's mainly the changing dynamics of my friendships. It's amazing and a bit disturbing to see the people that you thought once were friends end the friendship because I wasn't the "fat" one anymore. It hasn't run off everyone but my circle has certainly gotten much smaller.
"You're getting so THIN. You look better than I do!" then as an aside to a second friend, "She's not ALLOWED to look better than us"...
Bingo!
People tend to use their peer groups as a yardstick to see how they're doing in life. They assign one another roles: So-and-so is the "hot one." Such-and-such is the "brain." So-and-so is the most maternal. When you pursue new interests that threaten these new categories, people get ruffled a little. They can't help themselves. They're not always actively malignant, they're often just more comfortable with the status quo.
I think of my group of friends who've stayed in touch after grad school. I was easily the heaviest & the least athletic. Most of the others were slender & into eating healthily (to my annoyance then & for which I am deeply grateful now, when I hang out with them) except one was slightly chunkier than the others, though never obese like me. That friend is, of course, the one who's been made uneasiest by my loss of 106 pounds.
Every time I talk about healthy food choices, I reinforce the actions & belief systems of the ones who've always been into shopping for organic vegetables at Whole Foods. They can congratulate themselves: "She's finally come over to our side." Someone else believes in what they do, so it's safer to believe. When they see me, I affirm their choices & hold up a flattering mirror to them.
The heavier friend, who's always been more amused by food as a lifestyle choice, particularly by junk food or really bad 1950s comfort foods or "campy" foods or faux-proleteriat food, has suddenly lost her one ally in our group.
To her, I've "gone over to the dark side," and remind her irritatingly of the health-conscious L.A. people she lives & works among. I have become one of the pod people, like at the end of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." I am no longer carefree & fun & thinking only of immediate pleasure. I am a self-denying ascetic & I have "bought into" a form of Puritanism.
I never foresaw all this happening when I started losing weight.
but some of the comments I have heard, LITERALLY, include:
1. "You're getting so THIN. You look better than I do!" then as an aside to a second friend, "She's not ALLOWED to look better than us"...
Unbelievably sad and pathetic. How can people even say such things and not die of embarrassment?
My closest friend in the world, one of the kindest people you'd ever meet, said to me at one point, "I knew you wanted to lose weight, but I didn't realize you wanted to get this thin?"
The reason that I mentioned she's one of the kindest people, is to just show you how even SHE was put off by my weight loss. She's about 30 lbs overweight.
I think it makes people feel badly about the choices that they make and how they are living their lives. Makes them feel inadequate.
So true, Tanee. Like true love, true friendship should not be 'skin deep'. I don't know which bothers me more---the people who make senseless or snarky comments or those who stare at ya, looking you up and down and noticing the two or three sizes that you have already dropped and say--absolutely nada!!! I think there must be humor to be said in that--at least I think so!
And, congratulations on your magnificent weight loss. You are inspiration to anyone! Bless!
Joan
Husbands worry. They worry that we will get slim, trim, and racy and then decide that we can find a newer model husband, too. My husband actually asked me if that was going to happen waaaaaaaay back when I first lost a bunch of weight. Well, here I am, 20-some-odd years later. I think he realizes he's stuck with me now!
Thank you all for your wonderful insight I do think dh is a little worried about me becoming a "hot moma". LOL, even though he doesn't need to worry. I also like the idea that everyone is probably just comparing me to the morbidly obese person I was before, so even though I am still very heavy, i look way smaller than I use to. I guess I can see how that can happen. Most of the comments I get are at my work. I know it shouldn't be anyone else's business, but my weight loss is usually the topic of discussion. They are all very supportive and always give me encouragement. For the most part I dont mind it, but sometimes I wish I could just have a normal conversation and not be stared at when i walk in the door. Not be known as the one who is losing all this weight. Its also very scary to think "if I ever gain the weight back, how awkward that would be". Believe me, im not planning on gaining the weight back, but you can imagine how horrifying that would be after this past year of me being the talk of the department. IDK, these are all just things I never thought I'd have to worry about when I started losing weight.
thanks again for all your comments
I'm still way overweight. Yes I've lost 107 pounds but I still have like 115 to go AT LEAST and people keep saying "how much more do you want to lose?" And when I tell them at least another 100 they freak. "OMG you'll be a bone rack! I can't believe that! no way!"
because 170 lbs will be a bone rack... *roll eyes*
I have one friend in particular. I was engaged to her husband We dated from the time we were 15 to when we were 22. Were each others "first" the whole bit. We really did break up because I had gained like 150 pounds... so what does he say to my friend the other day? IN FRONT OF ME?
"wow... Tammy's looking freaking awesome. You better watch out R or I'll go back to her!"
OMG, I cant believe he said that to his wife! and in front of you! thats crazy! You do look awesome though. Ive seen your before and current pics
I think that is what shocks people, when I tell them I still want to lose almost 60 lbs. They just cant believe I still need to lose that much! at my height though, 135 lbs is not even close to being too thin. People are just going to have to get used to it, because I will be 135lbs, and I will maintain that weight for the rest of my life
Having been the person to say this to my really good friend when she was losing weight I will tell you exactly what I was thinking. Nothing about insecurities about her looking better than me.. or anything like that. It was that she was looking so beautiful.. like absolutely damn gorgeous that I was proud of her and her hard work and I just wanted her to know that she didn't have to work so hard anymore to reach that because she had arrived!
She got a little upset with me and told me that I had never seen her at a lower weight and that I didn't know how good she could look. And told me that she was size 12 and that wasn't good enough. I was like, fair enough.. and she lost another 20lbs... I was so proud of her for doing that too.. she is a big inspiration to me in my journey.
I have one friend in particular. I was engaged to her husband We dated from the time we were 15 to when we were 22. Were each others "first" the whole bit. We really did break up because I had gained like 150 pounds... so what does he say to my friend the other day? IN FRONT OF ME?
"wow... Tammy's looking freaking awesome. You better watch out R or I'll go back to her!"
nice huh?
Okay. This guy is a moron. I'm sorry. Pleeeeeze don't take this the wrong way, but I think you just may have the "answer" as to why you gained 150 lbs, since you say it was the cause of your break up. First of all, anyone that would break up with some one (yet alone YOU) over weight is an idiot. And second of all, any one that would say something like that in front of his wife is a bigger idiot. Yup, those 150 lbs - it was G-d's way of protecting you from this jerk.
Yeah, right, like you'd ever go back to HIM. He should be so lucky.
I think a lot of people don't know how much "30 more pounds" or whatever really means. To some people who have always been particularly thin, losing 10 lbs can be a huge difference to them in confidance, clothing size, etc. So naturally they might think that the effect of losing 30 pounds (for example) is 3 times what they have experienced.
This isn't exactly the same thing, but in real life, I've only told one other person besides my husband how much I lost. She is a nice acquaintance who complimented me on looking like I'd lost weight. At the time, I had lost 50 pounds and told her so. She acted wow'd, was sincerely congratulatory.
We both went back to what we were doing and then, about after about a minute of busy silence, she asked, "What are you, about 5'10?" Heh. Yeah, I think she had been pondering how much I had weighed and how it was possible that I lost 50 whole pounds, especially when I still looked (look) overweight.
I told her I was 5'8 and asked her height -- she replied that she was 4'11 and a new avenue of conversation ensued.
Still, I was left with the impression that at 4'11 and looking tiny, 50 lbs may well be half of her own weight. She was very polite but it's no wonder that someone else, someone with very different stats from ourself, might have a weird immediate reaction.
and mostly, people (my parents) are not used to seeing me weigh what I should weigh for my height. They think I am too skinny, no...I just finally weigh what I am supposed to...
it's probably because they know you and in contrast to how big you WERE you seem tiny NOW, if that makes sense??? A stranger would probably think "ok she wants to lose weight, makes sense" because they see you starting at square one. Of all the things people say, I'd rather hear "so you're DONE now right???" than to work my a$$ off and have them say "Wow you still have a TON more to lose right?" LOL
I do live in a very small town and half grew up here so if they don't come up to you and say something rest assured they are talking about it....the only reason I know is because I hear what they are saying (ie the next aisle of the grocery lol) or it gets back to me. Blah 
I do think dh is a little worried about me becoming a "hot moma". LOL, even though he doesn't need to worry. I also like the idea that everyone is probably just comparing me to the morbidly obese person I was before, so even though I am still very heavy, i look way smaller than I use to. I guess I can see how that can happen. Most of the comments I get are at my work. I know it shouldn't be anyone else's business, but my weight loss is usually the topic of discussion. They are all very supportive and always give me encouragement. For the most part I dont mind it, but sometimes I wish I could just have a normal conversation and not be stared at when i walk in the door. Not be known as the one who is losing all this weight. Its also very scary to think "if I ever gain the weight back, how awkward that would be". Believe me, im not planning on gaining the weight back, but you can imagine how horrifying that would be after this past year of me being the talk of the department. IDK, these are all just things I never thought I'd have to worry about when I started losing weight. 
