Ok, so here it is..the date is set for the first wedding of 2009. Now, if it was a regular wedding then I could deal with that but this is going to be the funnest most casual wedding ever. My friends have rented cabins and a camp ground for the 'event' which will involve a full day of fun outdoor activities... including hiking, volley ball and swimming. Now, these are all people that I love very much and that much I don't worry about..but since the last time I've seen any of them I've packed back on 30lbs at least. I would love nothing more than to kick 30lbs in the butt by June 21. The idea of a formal event in a fat girl dress is hard enough...but the idea of a casual active event (which I am honestly looking forward to) that involves shorts and bathing suits and jumping around scares me even more. I don't want to be super thin by then, that isn't the goal or realistic...but I do want to be able to keep up on the hiking, not be uncomfortable because i'm fat and uncomfortable in the summer heat, I don't want to miss out on the swimming for another summer event.
I'm still having trouble honestly getting back into the swing of things and really digging in. I'm desperately trying to find my Chi, my internal motivation. I think I'm almost as afraid at succeeding as I am at failing...I was on a path to success yet again and doing well at it and then I failed that and am right back where I started... literally within 5lbs from where I originally started for 'the first last time' which ended up not being a last time!
I'm sorry to rant, for those of you that read... I'm just so frustrated with myself. Any advice on getting my mind serious and back in the game? Wedding or no wedding I need to get my mind back in it. How do I overcome my failure. Picking yourself back up is harder said than done.
HELP!