I never got annoyed - but wished they could see where I'd REALLY be when I was done - I always wished for a grand unveiling of sorts, something really dramatic and Broadway. :lol:

But you know what? The grand unveiling is really worse! For people who haven't seen me in forever - they don't even RECOGNIZE me. And then, once they realize - the compliments get to the point where they can be classified as annoying.

It's no fun being a rock star. Better for them to get used to your appearance gradually. TRUST me.

Unless you're like me and love reactions like that lol.

No really, I am a diva of the world - I thrive on attention, LOVE it. But it gets strange - losing 147 pounds means some people examine you like a circus sideshow freak and others think you're hiding the secrets of the Holy Grail. It's not at all pleasant to be looked at or treated that way.

Now some guys admiring my butt is a different story! :lol:

hahaha I know about dramatic changes and I love it. I went back to college, got my nose pierced, lip pierced, hair dyed red and chopped off lol. I went home and no one knew who I was - the reactions were everywhere lol- I loved it.

:) I don't know about the OP but I definitely meant in person. (I think she did too though) When I post progress pics or something here I love to get feedback!

I love when people compliment me. here or in person ;)
every now and then some people at work go a little over board and I appreciate it, I like it in a way but it does get a little embarrassing. I just dont like being the center of attention, but I would be a little upset if no one noticed my transformation. I think these people are just being honest because it is a big change and I totally love it. The embarrassment is just my insecurity coming through.

I wouldn't mind if people on 3FC complimented me, obviously otherwise why post pics? But in person I don't want people to compliment me even when I've lost all my weight, other than a simple you look pretty today, or something. I think people get really weird about weight loss in this culture there's just too much baggage that comes with it and I'd just rather avoid it all together.

I agree.

I never mind being complimented on having lost weight (here I'm talking about in-person comments from people at work, usually my guy-friends), but I do mind it:

a. when I haven't lost weight at all, but have actually gained. This happened to me quite a bit over the last couple years, while I was putting on the last 50 lbs.

b. when they immediately ask how much weight I've lost. I don't care if people know how much I weigh, but I am kind of an old-fashioned gal, and I think some things you don't ask if the other person doesn't volunteer it.

Still, I think it's important to be gracious. When people do/did this, I always told them I didn't want to discuss it until I was closer to goal, and made some joke about waiting for "the big reveal," like on the reality shows. I figure, if I'm nice and accept the compliment before I'm ready for it, the person will be more comfortable complimenting me in a couple dozen more pounds, when I'm really ready!

I love to hear compliments :) It's really cool to hear a few of them and most will pick me up when I need it.

Just think they might be afraid to not mention it because it may hurt your feelings. Plus it's a normal social reaction....if you see that something is different (esp in a good way) don't you want to at least mention it? Even if you are like super shy and don't say anything it will at least go through your mind.

Pretty sure the OP meant in person. It would be pointless to post pics then get upset when ppl say you look great. No?

The OP, from her sidebar thingy, has lost 60 pounds. That's like a small child! People are going to notice. Just say "Thank you!" You worked hard, and yes, are still working on it but a simple thank you will suffice. You earned the kudos, now learn to enjoy them because if you get to goal, you will get compliments all the time. :grouphug:

This is very true, and sometimes you just want to say "Okay - enough already." I love compliments, but the gushing ones start to irritate me a bit.
However, I liked any compliment on the way down, it didn't matter that I still had significant weight to lose - I had already lost some, and that is no small task.

I think because there are so many different views on what is appropriate conversation that annoying, embarassing, personal and offensive are very much in the eye of the beholder, especially as social conventions change. If you can learn to be assertive instead of silently suffering, you can be more comfortable and feel more in control of the conversation.

What I mean by that - I'm a very open person, often too open. I don't mind people asking me questions that many would find offensive, but as a result I'm also likely to forget and ask people questions they might find uncomfortable. I tend to forget that some people will not tell you when you've crossed their comfort zone, and will be angry or annoyed, but not express it directly or sometimes at all. Some to the point that they'll end a friendship without ever saying what bothered them.

As a result, over the years, I've learned to be somewhat more tactful but my filter is still defective - I will often say what I think, when I think it (at least in the "real world" tone of voice usually communicates that I'm not intentionally being a jerk).

Ok, sorry lost my train of thought for a minute. What I'm trying to get around to saying is that you can save a lot of trouble by trying not to keep silent about things that annoy you. Rather than suffering in silence, say something. Take some control of the conversation, something kind but to the point such as "I appreciate the compliment, but you're starting to make me feel uncomfortable," or if you prefer to be more subtle something in a light or joking tone like "could we change the subject to something more interesting," and if they persist a slightly more serious "no, really I mean it - you're starting to make me feel uncomfortable."

Learning to ask for what you want is a very liberating experience. It's not about being angry - because if you're getting angry you're waiting too long to ask for what you want. You need to ask before it's become painful.

As for hearing "you look great," I liked hearing that at my highest weight before I lost a single pound. I have to say that I the only folks I get annoyed with are my family. When we went to visit, I made the mistake (in hindsight) of fishing for a complement on the first day by telling my mom and sisters that I'd lost 60 lbs, and their responses were all some form of "I don't see it" or "it doesn't look like it." Aaargh.

I was wearing a skirt and it was a bit big, but still they could have been a bit more positve. A few days later I was wearing slim-fitting jeans and a sweater (I thought the sweater was a bit clingy and made me look BIGGER), but one sister told me that she could definitely see the weight lost in the better fitting clothing, but then went on for a bit about how badly I dress (of course most of my clothes are getting baggy, I'm losing weight but don't have the money to replace the wardrobe very quickly).

Sorry I've gotten sidetracked into my own rant. With the exception of family (and usually only my mom and sisters). I rarely get annoyed with people even when their comments and behavior are outrageous, obnoxious, or intentionally cruel. I can keep it together except when it's coming from my mom or sisters.

I think it's because even strangers respond to direct confrontation (like the teen in Walmart who said "wow you're fat," I suppose to impress his friends and I replied "Yeah, so what?!") If I contront my mothers or sisters over something they've said, no matter how politely and positively I phrase it, they are likely to get defensive and say I'm being "too sensitive."

I couldn't agree more with your comment. While I am enjoying my new body and clothes and more importantly the self esteem and confidence I now have, I am having trouble with some of the comments I have been getting.

1) OMG I wouldn't have recognized you! (not too bad, I know I look completely different, for pete's sake I have lost a tiny person)

2) You are fading away to a shadow (this one gets my goat only because it is a backwards compliment in my opinion. I KNOW they mean well, but it sounds like a criticism)

3) OMG HOW much weight have you lost? (this is usually announced to room full of people, strangers that I don't know. This happened on hike this weekend in fact. Again, I get that they mean well, truly I do)

I guess what I am trying to say is I hope that one day, people will see me for me, not the woman who lost over 100 lbs. I know it will come at some point, but right now...AWKWARD.

Carol,

You are right on spot with #3!

I love getting compliments on my weight loss. I have just started getting them in the last two weeks. However, I hate the "How much weight have you lost?" question. I am working on a standard answer that won't be too harsh. These are usually people I like. Right now, my answer is, "Enough to feel the difference, but not nearly as much as I hope to loss."

I have been tempted to add, "and how much do you weigh?" :)

On sites like this one, I'm obviously willing to discuss my weight . . . it's the reason I'm here!

In person, I like a compliment as much as the next girl, and compliments on weight-loss are totally fine IF they come from someone with whom I am willing to discuss my weight - i.e., someone with whom I have broached the subject in the past. On the other hand, I detest comments about my weight/body from people that are more acquaintances than friends, whether those comments are positive or negative. There are plenty of ways to compliment someone you don't know very well without specifically commenting on their weight - a simple "you look great" or "I love that outfit" is more than adequate, and lets the complimentee decide whether to simply say "thanks" or specifically discuss weightloss.