Its been awhile since I've posted because I wasnt ready for the straight talk here and got miffed and left. Sorry I dont remember who it was, I'm sure they do so I'm sorry to that person. Anyway, I feel like I am eating myself to death. I cant just sit around hungry. I mean I can, I just wont. I'm eating so much right now that I literally feel sick sometimes. I'm scared at my behavior. I'm scared that I am such a bottomless pit. I feel defeated but I only have myself to blame. I do have guilt feelings even before I eat but I eat anyway. I dont go very long without eating. I'm hating myself. I really am concerned that I cant stop eating. The more I decide I'm not going to do it, the more I do. So, I just dont know how to gain control anymore.How do you muster ambition, determination, energy, caring and will? I just cant seem to do any of those. Well I feel like I care but do I really? I just dont know.. Lately the only thing I can seem to do is eat. I have no joy. Its all about what I'm going to eat next. I have literally gone to bed thinking about what I'm going to eat when I get up. I feel so pathetic and lost. I promised I would not be fat and 40. That was a year ago and nothings changed. I have 2 years to keep my promise and its not looking good.

applestar, I completely understand how you feel because I deal with this every single day. Unfortunately, I have not been able to get past these feelings, but I hope that with some help from others, I can learn to deal with these feelings, and get better.

Those words you spoke so resemble my thoughts. There have been many a nights that I went to bed and tossed ideas around in my head of what I was gonna eat when I woke up. I eat lunch, and think, ok, what am I gonna have for dinner.. it is a never ending thought process.

I, too, would love to hear input on this, because I know that you and I are not the only ones here who deal with this exact issue... But we will get there...

Im so sorry you are feeling so down you are not pathetic! over eating is a disease just like alcoholism. you are addicted to food. food is very addicting. I am also addicted to food. food was my drug of choice. I wish i could give you the ambition and drive, but only you can give that to yourself. what helps me is just knowing how much better i feel every minute of every day knowing that i am losing weight, and slowly trying to get my disease under control. I want to be here for my kids and enjoy life with them. that is what motivates me. I still have my days where food controls me, but its just taking it one step at a time. please dont feel guilty for something that is ssoooooo hard to control. Just dig down deep in yourself and try to decide what it most important to you? good luck, and glad you decided to come back. this site also keeps me going.

Hi applestar,
I´m really sorry you feel this way, trust me when I say that you can definately beat this dependency... it´s not easy, but you can do it !!

When I was around my worst, I was so sad and depressed, and felt that I couldn´t do anything about it, and that would rise my anxiety levels, I would eat, get sad, anxiety again, I would eat more and more as the result of this vicious cycle, and the fact that I just couldn´t see a way out would only make it worst and worst...

But getting to that point was the first and most important step towards my life change, because before that I was still eating like crazy, but I was just in denial... without a doubt, admitting I had a problem, was the most important step I could have taken. And in my case, it took a family intervention for me to admit it, I only saw that I was miserable when I had the people I love the most tell me they were sad, because they could see my misery and they didn´t know how to help...

After I admitted I had a problem, the next step was admitting that I needed help, this was the hardest one, I´m strongly independent by personality, admitting that I couldn´t do it by myself was tough, but it was my first breakthrough, my first lesson in this amazing journey...

So, you already did step one... and that´s awesome ! for me help was really important, so maybe you could try that as well. I have a couple doctors in the family who looked it up the best endocrinologist in the city I was living in... if that´s not the case for you, you can look it up on the web, or in your local medical association. If money is an issue, there are usually programs private or state that offer help, look it up on google for your local area...

Another help my family wanted me to accept was therapy, at the time I said no, but looking back now I wish I had said yes... my weight loss trajectory has been a path to self-discovery, I realised that the only way I could get rid of the many many extra pounds was by taking a look inside me, was to uncover everything I had been covering with food, was to face all my hidden monsters... and I did it by myself and with the help of family and friends, but if I had the opportunity to have someone professional to guide me through it, it would have been easier and mostly likely more effective... so if you can, take advantage of a professional outside perspective...

There is no doubt that you can do it... don´t think about the two years, think about taking care of yourself and the many years more ahead that you´re gonna be happy, and the cool thing once you start taking care of yourself, is that happy starts soon after...

We´re here for you !!

So sorry you are feeling this way. I have days like that, but not everyday. What else is going on in your life? Do you think perhaps you could be depressed? I think we all have our addictions to a point, but it sounds like this is taking over your life, which isn't good. I just don't know what to say, but perhaps you could start by talking to a Dr. and seeing what they think, or maybe a counsellor or someone like that.

One day at a time, try and take care of yourself! Do you exercise? If not, that would be something that will help you. Just try baby steps, and don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day! Take care,

Lori

Applestar...

I've been there...many times. You are not alone.

Therapy may be really helpful, if money is an issue there are many low cost and sliding scale programs, try your local family service agency, Catholic Charities or Jewish Family Service. There are many others, almost every one offers very low cost counseling or therapy. In our area United Way will help you with referrals of agencies they fund.

In the meantime, can you try and substitute one behavior for eating? Maybe a ten minute walk (after which you can eat.) I do jigsaw puzzles while watching tv (or when more industrious knit or needlepoint.) It keeps my hands busy...and for me busy hands are not putting food into my mouth.

Until you can get your eating under control can you make sure you are eating healthy things. Sugar/carbs seem to feed on each other. If right now you can't stop eating, can you at least substitute veggies and fruits for candy and chips? (You didn't say that is what you are eating but somehow when I gorged it was never on carrots or grapes...)

Finally...don't run away. Keep posting. Folks here will be honest, but can be gentle as well. Many of us have been where you are, it is a dark place. There is light. This too shall pass.

Hello Even if you are not doing good with your eating, you are still welcome here It's actually the best time to post, because getting out your feelings daily really helps!

It personally helps me to read a good book.. based on weight loss.. check your local library, some great books to pick up are 'Skinny B**ch' 'Secrets of a Former Fat Girl' 'The Fat Smash Diet'

or look through 3FC's book reviews:

http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet/diets/diet-book-reviews/

Hope this helps.. and I hope you keep coming back.. good day or bad day!

Applestar, I have felt that way too. I think the ladies ahead of me have told you everything that I want to say to you.

You can do this. You are worth it. Center yourself with support. Take each minute as it comes, making the choices you know you need to create the life you deserve.

When I catch myself eating for the wrong reasons (sadness, happiness, loneliness, to fill a void) I look at the food and say, "THIS IS NOT THE ANSWER!" The food is just going to make things worse.

Hey Applestar,

I'm sorry you're in such pain right now.

One thing that worked for me was changing the kinds of food I ate. It took me over 20 years to realize that I was really sensitive to sugary foods and processed carbs. If I eat something like a saltine or a cookie or a piece of candy, it's like an irristible urge to at more. I want to stuff the second one in my mouth before I even finished the first one.

Back in 2004, I switched to a whole foods diet, where I really limited processed foods (in purpose) and sugar (on accident). It was the weirdest thing - for the first time I felt free of the terrible food cravings and binges that had marked my life.

I never thought I could do without my favorite foods - scones, muffins, chocolate bars, ice cream, crackers, chips, but I now gladly exchange the temporary pleasure of how those foods taste for the wonderful freedom of eating good foods that make me feel good, without all the binging.

It literally changed my life and I lost 70 lbs and have kept it off for nearly 4 years.

Good luck in your struggle - if it makes you feel any better, I started telling myself that there wasn't anything "wrong" with me - the human body hasn't quite caught up to the American super grocery store and prevalent fast food restaurants. In historical times, sweet foods and quick energy carbs weren't plentiful, so my body has a "wow, stock up, stock up" mindset which was GREAT 100 years ago, but isn't needed for me today.

Sending you a . One moment at a time and hang in there. We're for each other.

Everyone has given such great advice, I really have nothing to add other than you are not alone, you are a wonderful, worthy person, & big *hugs*

Ditto!

Do something really nice for yourself today - if we were all together in person, and not in "cyberspace", we'd all take you out for a cup of coffee and a manicure! Go ahead - pick the wildly sexy dark nailpolish. Go for the extra spa massage - you're worth it!!

Hang in there, we are here for you when you need us. Please don't give up!

Thank you for all your wonderful replys! I'm pratically in tears. My thing is I cant do it alone but I have no one for support. I have asked my sister which is all I have but she says she likes to do it alone so I dont have anyone. I am married but my husband doesnt really understand and I've asked to walk with me and stuff but he feels he does enough of that at work so I'm alone in this. I've pratcially been a shut in for years so I have no friends.

I desperately want a change and I know what to do but I always fail at it. I want to learn how not to keep failing myself. I do need to learn how to cut out all the sugar and bad carbs. I think that is my downfall. I need to check out the whole foods thing. And yes I'm going to try to eat veggies and fruit instead of the super sweet stuff.

One thing is I have tried adding ground turkey instead of ground beef and I like it but my husband is rebelling. And I want to try the whole wheat pastas too but my hubby is a hard one to convert. I'll be trying that though. No time like the present. My hubby will not be happy with my grocery list lol. I've just got convince him that this is really important to me. Thanks again for your replys and advice

Sorry you're hurting, applestar.

I understand totally where you're at. I've been hopelessly locked in a similar misery for the last 18 months, or so, and I'm right at the beginning of the long haul out of it. (I'm not quite brave enough to put it all out here yet. Maybe when I start to show some progress....)

I love the insightful responses you've had. Glory87 mentioned refined carbs, and just one week after cutting them out, I'm not bingeing or craving food like I was seven days ago. I still can't quite believe the difference!

Hang in there, and do keep posting. This is such a supportive community. ♡ It's here for everyone, regardless of where they're at on their personal journeys. Some folks can be a bit forthright, but often that's exactly what we need. I think that enabling is sometimes mistaken for sensitivity, but in reality is far more damaging.