LVBelle, you are definitely not alone. I joined this diet support group on September 15th, 2007. I had just lost about 14 lbs by simply stop eating 5 pieces of homemade fudge a day and I was so motivated. Within six weeks, I could see that I was still playing a lot of mind games with myself including telling myself that I deserved to take the holidays off. Surprisingly, I didn't gain any weight then but I had been working out very extensively and I think my motor was still running.
I began the South Beach Diet on January 1st. I still feel that eating healthy is the best way whatever the name you attach to the food plan is. However, it seemed like everytime I was away from home, I would blindly eat off plan and then be so disappointed when I did return home to find that I regained most of what I lost. I needed to return to my home town to help take care of one very ill parent and one moderately depressed frail ill parent along with my sister. I stayed on plan for three weeks and then after that it was fast food and junk food for 3 months.
I sat here crying while I was reading your post. I know how you feel. A whole year has gone by for me too and I am right back where I started. I had such high hopes then. Now, I feel like Mt Everest is staring down at me and I feel about one inch high looking up at it. I swear to God, I do not know how some of you have been able to lose so much weight and still have complicated lives. I have a strong faith in God but sometimes I think that is not enough.....
LV keep coming back here. I plan to. I am eating humble pie today. At least, it doesn't have calories.
Here's to a brighter future for us all.
Kaplods and all the rest of you wonderful folks--God bless you for being here. We all need you--today and all those tomorrows....
The biggest problem with "I'll do it when I'm thin," thinking is that for so many they never really ever make it to thin enough. Or even when they acknowledge that they're "at thin," life doesn't suddenly appear for them - they don't have any practice in living, so they still find it hard to "get in the game."
You need to practice feeling worthy now, because otherwise, there's a very good chance that you will never feel worthy enough, even if you reach your ideal size (you'll just be a thin person disgusted with herself for a different
reason).
This really resonated with me, thank you kaplods. Because that is EXACTLY what I do. I fantasize about all the things I could do once I am thin and give up on doing ANYTHING now that I am fat. And it makes this battle even MORE tough because it makes it not just about being thin or being healthy... it makes it about LIFE and how it is lived or not lived. I have already wasted, literally, a decade because of this. I have been with men I shouldn't have because I thought it was the best I could do, I did horrible in college because I didn't think I was worth building a future for, my life has been full of non-sensical decisions because I was waiting for something that might not even happen. So I think before its even about being thin and fantasizing what a great life I will have it needs to be about building a great life now. But its very very difficult when you have programmed yourself to think a certain way... But its no excuse. I hope I don't sound whiny and pathetic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by whoIwannabe
I don't know about your inside....But let me tell you what I see from your picture....I see a girl who is as pretty as Angelina Jolie...if not prettier!!!! You HAVE to do this....You can't go on in life feeling the way you do. It's just too sad.
This possibly made my day. Haha. I know its not suppose to be all about the aesthetics but... ****.... doesn't every girl at the end of the day just want to be told she is pretty?
Thank you for all of this! These posts are keeping me on the right track today.
OH and for the yoyodieterinvegas... so glad to see another Vegas pal on here! And YES Fresh and Easy is great, they just built one down the street from my house, I think I am going to go there tomorrow when I get paid and get some good foods.
When I got to the point you are at, I made an appointment with a professional. She has been a great help for me. I found out I was depressed and the causes of my depression made me eat. She has taught me to like myself (not yet love, but getting there) and start over again on a new weight loss goal. I love having someone to talk to about anything!!! Get a grip on it while you are young and have some control. Don't let it control you.
Best of Luck!!!
I can definitely understand how you are feeling. I have always had a problem with negative self talk. I think it is one of the main reasons I gained all the weight. I didn't really become aware that I did it until the last couple of years. I put off doing so many things because of my weight. I didn't travel to see family, I didn't want to take vacations because I thought I didn't deserve it at my high weight. I wanted to stay home and just soothe myself with food. I finally got rid of most of the skinny clothes in my closet, all but one dress I had never worn. We went on a vacation that we had always wanted to take. I realized that I needed to quit tearing myself down in my head. No one else hated me as much as I hated myself. I think this freed me to finally see the weight problem as a health problem and take steps to get healthier. It's a different mindset for sure. It's wonderful that you are figuring this out at your age. I'm 44, and I'm just now getting this figured out. I still catch myself doing the negative, downright abusive self talk in my head. I make myself stop it though, and think more positively. It makes a world of difference. You are beautiful just as you are. You deserve to take care of yourself though. Feed yourself good healthy food so you can have a healthy body.
Whats the point of putting on make up when you weigh 265 pounds?
I weighed 351 lbs this morning. I took a shower, did my hair, did my makeup and put on my jewelry. Last night I got a manicure. What's the point? Because I want to look nice. Granted the #1 thing I could do for my looks is lose the weight, but until I do, I am going to look as nice as I can. I know a lot of people look at me and judge me by my weight, but there is no way they can say I'm smelly, sloppy or unkept!!!
I think that the biggest reason why I have not lost more weight at this point is because I have a big issue with self-hate. I'm depressed. I couldn't sleep tonight because of it... it's no 2am and I have a busy day tomorrow... but reading this thread has comforted me.
But, I've been comforted in the past. It doesn't seem to last long for me. I may feel good for awhile but then I start feeling rotten again.
Maybe I enjoy hating myself? Twisted.
I'd love to see a doctor or something... get help... but I can't afford it. Ah, to be young and poor.
I'm also waiting for my life to begin when I'm thin... I fantasize about what it'd be like to be thin. But deep down I feel like there is no possible way I will ever be. I know that I really need to do it now... I needed to change before I became "set in my ways"
*sigh*
It is nice, though, to be part of a community where everybody just understands. I felt pathetic when I first came on here, and I suppose I still do... but I do feel better. Maybe I can finally go to sleep... but maybe I just feel like crying. Hormones maybe? I feel crazy. I'm sure if I read this again in the morning I'll be embarrassed. heh
Ok people on the west coast... just a little PS from me... Went to Fresh and Easy today and they have AMAZING food and very very decent prices. I recommend it. I bought some chicken, salmon, shrimp, spinach leaves, and cheeses. It was a good day
Trying to be kinder to myself. Woke up early, did not hair all up, bought a new outfit... low and behold I felt more motivated to stick to this.
Today was good. And thats all I can focus on is TODAY. It helps.
Ok people on the west coast... just a little PS from me... Went to Fresh and Easy today and they have AMAZING food and very very decent prices. I recommend it. I bought some chicken, salmon, shrimp, spinach leaves, and cheeses. It was a good day
Thanks! I have one not too far away, but haven't been yet. They send out discounts in the mail all the time.
We joined at the same time. I lost ten, gained it back and then I started losing agian. When I moved here to Germany I had to squeeze myself into theplane seat. I know how hard it is! You want to talk about Vegas, the only fat people here are the soldiers wives! I can't go eat at a German resturant, I can't fit in the booths!
You really must look at it this way, and forgive me if someone has already said all this, it took you longer than a year to put on that weight, it will take longer than a year to get it off.
People forget that overeating is more than just a willpower issue. There is a reason you are over eating and you must find that reason and deal with it. I had to start seeing a shrink to start seeing the patterns I was following.
Also, you cannot (and I presume people will disagree with this, but that is okay) just stop your favorite foods cold turkey. Ice cream, ho ho's, cand bars, cheese burgers and all that are addictions. You can no more stop eating them with out support and a plan than the average person can stop using meth or coke without support and a plan.
I look at weight loss like this...it took me ages to learn to walk, talk and ride a bike. Nothing I have ever done took me just one try, and losing weight is no different. You are going to stumble, fall and bust you lip open (so to speak) several times before you get it right. THAT IS OKAY! You mustn't let yoruself get down and out over it thought. Stand back up, brush your pants off, and try it again.
