Seven months, scared and desperate - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Pandora123a · 10-15-2008, 07:40 AM

I've been "eating mindfully" (my plan) for seven months. I'm down three sizes and fit into things I bought two years ago...when I successfully dieted for...seven months. I'm getting lots of compliments and feel good.

I went to the doctor as part of a research study I am in about a month ago and he printed out a chart of my weight for the last nine years. I've been weighed every six months. Looking it over I realized I have had several big losses, but never two six month weights that have both been down, unless I had a very small loss, followed by a big one six months later.

Thinking back over my weight history...I've lost large amounts of weight five or six times. Gained them all back. Each time I've lasted...seven months.

Thinking about this I realize that at seven months I am into smaller clothes and get a lot of attention. I'm feeling scared and desperate. I'm really afraid that all this will vanish again. I don't know what triggers the end, but I suspect success has something to do with it. Maybe the attention?

I like the way I'm eating, I don't feel deprived at all. I feel great. I'm not on an unrealistic program.

Has anyone else seen these types of patterns? How do you feel when you start getting attention? What has been the "trigger" that seems to end your success if it happens to you?

Any and all thoughts would be appreciated.

purpleorc · 10-15-2008, 08:24 AM

Firstly congratulations Pandora on your 7 months of healthy eating and weight loss during that time.

For myself personally I would sabotage all my good work as I would feel so deprived of all the foods I liked. For me this time round I devised a healthy eating programme with no forbidden foods. OK so there are some foods I do not get to eat very often but I can live with than knowing that I can have them just not so often.

As the weight dropped off me it became more and more noticeable to others then came the compliments. Me getting compliments that is something that so rarely happened (unless of course it was my DH) I felt so awkward at first not really knowing what to do or barely say but just the word THANK-YOU. It has taken a long while for me to get use to being paid compliments even now 18 months down the line I find it just a tad awkward. I was so use to trying to blend in be that professional "wall flower". I was not use to getting attention.

I so do not want to go back to being 300lbs as with having MS it was affecting my mobility big time. Not that I am brilliant at times now but it has become a whole lot easier now I am not dragging round 120lbs. So for me that has motivated me greatly and taken over some what from my initial trigger for wanting to lose weight.

Try and focus on why you want to lose weight and the motivation for that. It does get easier accepting the compliments on how nice or good you look. I hope this helps slightly into my reasons I have not sabotaged my good work and now I realise that the compliments were so difficult to hear as an overweight lady as I never wanted to draw attention to myself as I was so big. So I would rather feel awkward at times with the attention than carry the weight around.

greeneggsandtam · 10-15-2008, 10:37 AM

Have a hug. Breathe. Try not to panic.
I've done the same thing several times as well. I don't know exactly why I sabotage myself and I suppose I could/should reflect on it one day. But for today I've just gotta stick to the plan.
If I feel like I'm going to or do have a backslide , I'll do something off my plan that goes towards my goal. Eat something super healthy or choose a different activity to do exercise wise. I don't know if that is of any help but I hope you have success!
Be good to yourself,
Tam

midwife · 10-15-2008, 11:02 AM

I did the same thing. Twice. I would be on plan for about 6-7 months, lost 25 pounds and then....just stopped. 2 $*%& times! And then when I stopped, I gained it all back then.

I do remember getting some compliments right before I stopped my healthy behaviors but I'm not sure whether that caused my relapses. I think I also plateaued at those points and became frustrated with running farther and eating less and not seeing a change on the scale.

This time around I was really nervous when I reached those points where I had stopped before. It was really hard. I wondered if maybe I just couldn't lose past that point. I wondered if I had shot my metabolism with my previous efforts. So when I got to that point this time, I decided to start lifting weights. I adapted my nutrition plan to support muscle and blew right through the points where I had stopped before.

The secret I guess is to keep on keepin' on....but HOW to do that? Maybe mix up your exercise, try something new, try some new recipes, consider avoiding the scale for awhile (I am a self-avowed daily weigher, but this was a time when I found it useful to not focus on that measurement for a little while and I had a nice surprise when I got back on it after awhile). Buy some new jeans. Post on 3FC. White knuckle it a little while. You'll make it through.

Good luck!

rachael · 10-15-2008, 11:16 AM

Maybe you just needed to realize that you were doing this so you could think yourself through it. Try thinking that you're back at square one, that today's your first day. You got through over 200 days doing well, there's no reason that you can't do more. Today is no different than yesterday before you started worrying about this. You CAN do it. Don't let you psych yourself out.

fiberlover · 10-15-2008, 02:31 PM

Well - I think the self sabatoge comes from the feeling of unworthiness we all tend to have being overweight. So the attention that you start to receive feels like it isn't deserved, and then we backslide out of fear.

You can meet this head on with planning. It might also be a good time to speak with a counselor, or go to OA meetings or something to help you work through these issues.

I read a post a long time ago from someone who lost a lot of weight who said:
"Anyone who needs to lose 100 pounds from the neck down needs to get help from the neck up". And I think that is true for everyone, although to different extents.

mrs dorson · 10-15-2008, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fiberlover

I read a post a long time ago from someone who lost a lot of weight who said:
"Anyone who needs to lose 100 pounds from the neck down needs to get help from the neck up". And I think that is true for everyone, although to different extents.

this totally resonates with me. why would anyone (why did i?) allow themselves to gain over 100 pounds? one candy bar, one french fry at a time?

and why after exercising 135 days in a ronw, did i just stop?

maybe cause i could see the dreaded 217 weight coming. that is my lowest adult weight ever and last time i was there? did the same thing. ran like a scared rabbitt the other way.

some good food for thought.....not for munching!

Kae · 10-15-2008, 03:52 PM

I know exactly what you are talking about. My last major weightloss attracted attention I wasn't used to getting. It made me uncomfortable. I'm so used to hiding behind my fat it is kind of scary when someone actually notices you!

pamatga · 10-15-2008, 04:08 PM

I am sure that it is probably different for different people. As I have shared before, I have been on a lot of different diets. My motivations to begin them are usually the same: desperation, fear, self-loathing, etc. Staying on them longer than a few months was difficult. I used to blame it on boredom or maybe some upsetting event occuring at that time. Other times I really didn't know why I had such difficulty. Over the years I have grown more and more apathetic about my desire to change. Now, that is my biggest fear: that I will eventually just stop trying and "allow" myself to get bigger and bigger and bigger. It doesn't help that I am middle-aged, towards the tail end of menopause and just feel "blah" about a lot of things in general. The one thing that keeps me coming back and trying one more time is that I feel a sense of responsibility to do this. I almost feel like it is a sin if I don't try.

I understand the part about not wanting attention. I am a naturally shy person in spite of being very direct when I do speak. I like to fade in the background and I do not like attention, especially of the "wrong kind". I am happily married to a really sweet and loving man. I have a job that I like doing. I am feeling very emotionally grounded these days in spite of a whirlwind year of multiple stresses.

I've been in therapy. It is beneficial. The main thing one of my therapists told me to do was "feel the feelings". I have also been faithful to OA over the past 13 years. I have a good faith-based way of living. So, why am I still morbidly obese???

I hope that I will be able to find out this coming year as I begin again to lose not only 20 lbs that I regained this past summer but also the other 120 lbs that I never did lose and need to lose for my health.

Great thread, as usual.....

famograham · 10-15-2008, 04:51 PM

I do it...every...single...time

I SO know where you're coming from, and I understand your fear!

Linda

dek6 · 10-15-2008, 07:19 PM

Congrats on the progress you have made. My weight watchers leader said that being aware of pasts mistakes is the first step. You have to take it one day at a time. I do the same thing. For a few reasons. the first is cause I feel good and think that I can "cheat" a little and it gets out of control. the other reason is fear. I have been fat most of my life and the thought of not being fat scares me. It has been my crutch, my reason for not doing things, for not living my life, my excuse. it has been me reason for not trying things. If I lose weight then what will my excuse be? I will have to live my life and take chances, I will then be open to failure. If I dont try I cant fail. So I have to take one thing at a time and take little steps. I fail by not trying. That is what I have figured out on this journey. I hope it helps.

SilentBlue · 10-15-2008, 10:39 PM

Actually, now that I think of it, yes that was my trigger point for me. All I can say is if you notice the problem just try to defeat it. Try not to get unfocused is what I'm trying to say. =D I have to remember this.

Lyn2007 · 10-15-2008, 11:44 PM

Pandora,

it happened to me right around 214 pounds. I started feeling normal again. People no longer saw an obese person when they looked at me. I was looking good. I was feeling good. ALmost all of my health issues were disappearing. And as a result I no longer has as many "weight worries" so I had to focus on my other worries... which was so uncomfortable (not having the weight issue hanging over my head so much) that I think I satrted gaining so I could forget about the other issues again and focus back on "oh my gosh, I am so fat, I need to lose weight."

Crazy, but that's my take.

Pandora123a · 10-17-2008, 07:48 AM

Thank you all, this has been helpful. I am in therapy...in fact having talked about the meaning of 3fc for me, it was my therapist who suggested I post about this! We're struggling to figure out what triggers my failures, several comments in particular resonated with me. (Having to deal with other issues than weight worries, getting attention for my body, feeling unworthy, and feeling like I can relax, I've got this solved. Also crazy deprived diets, this time my program lets me eat everything...but in moderation.)

We were out of town this past weekend for a trip to NYC that involved several major meals, and then celebrated my husbands birthday with dinner at his favorite restaurant with a tasting menu. I worked those into my plan, I'm a pound up but determined to be back at my lower weight by next week.

Thank you all. This has given me much to think about. I'm determined to make it to eight months...and beyond.