Need to keep it together
 

I'm so afraid, that at any moment, all my progress {in dieting and life} will crash down around me into a bazillion little pieces. I've been getting my school work done, on time and impeccably {my one prof's only complaint with me is that I leave the class to use the washroom ><}. I'm keeping up with all the housework, all my daughters' educational needs and my freelance work. And I'm on the straight and narrow with my diet.

But recently my mom hit one her "cycles"...made worse by menopause. While my mom and I have MAJOR conflicts sometimes, she's been my center of stability forever. Now she's going slowly crazy - she's done it before, and she'll get over it this time. It's just so hard to keep it together when I have no one to turn to {and while 3FC is great, I can't call the message board up at 10PM at night crying}. Two of our best friends just left the country, another is tied up with a nasty custody dispute and my BFF has decided to totally cut me out of her life. My hubby is so stressed from finishing school this semester, work and the program he's writing that he's disconnected, and even if he wasn't I can't put more stress on him. Oh, and I haven't gotten my monthly for over a month and a half STRESS!!!

I had a total panic freak out tonight. Did those yam noodles really only have 1 carb? How many carbs were in my veggies? Was there too much soy sauce? Did I just gain 10 pounds from a single bowl? I was good, rushed away the fridge {read : chocolate} and jumped in the bath. I know it wasn't actually about my weight - there's no way I could have gone over my daily limit, and if I did it was only by 2-3 carbs. But my weight-loss was the easiest, most convenient thing to freak out about.

Sorry for the long winded pity-me post. I'm just feeling really down and had to let it all out.

:hug:

Take a deep breath and relax. When you have a lot of stress in your life, the best thing you can do is to continue to control the the things you *can* control. No matter what goes on in your life, you can always control what goes into your mouth.
That is your lifeline to help you keep your sanity.
Keeping a routine with at least one aspect of your life will help you deal with the craziness of the rest.

And you can come here and yell and scream whenever you need to :)

Lori really said it perfectly.

I've found for me, that "being in control" of my food intake has been the biggest source of comfort/relief when I am insanely stressed. Controlling one aspect of my life (THEE most important - my health) when my world is all haywire and cuckoo and I've no where to turn is extremely empowering. Who would've thunk it all those years back? I always thought turning to food was a comfort. Ha! Comfort - shmomfort. STICKING to a healthy eating plan. Planning my meals out even MORE SO. Exercisng. That has turned out to be more comforting then I ever could have imagine. Who knew?

:hug::hug::hug:

Sorry to hear you're dealing with so much stress. What can you do to become your own center of stability?

I've been baking all afternoon. I think I've already gone over my carbs for today, but I'm kind of OK with it. I made the conscious decision to enjoy myself rather than stressing. Last thing I need is to turn my apple-baking season into a self-flagellation session and take all the joy out of it. 5 apples pies down ??? to go!

As far as dealing with it...ugh, I don't know. I'm a very social {not sociABLE though} person. I can't stand solitude or not having someone to hash out my problems with. I may start journaling more, or trying to turn negatives into positives {not my strong suit}.

Thanks for all the positive, encouraging replies. They were really nice to read today!

I missed this the first time around.

The past 18 months have been extremely difficult ones for me due to a lot of things (divorce, loss of friendships, loss of a relationship, career and business changes, friend with cancer, etc.) ... and so while I don't relate to your exact circumstances, I TOTALLY relate to feeling like you're completely overwhelmed and don't have anyone to turn to for help or comfort.

There have been nights where I've had my own panic-freak-out instances and I know exaclty what you mean about obsessing over little things just as a way of feeling in control.

I have no advice, but I'm happy to provide an ear and to say "hang in there". For whatever that's worth. :)

I'll be thinking good, strong, positive thoughts for you!

.

You might think about speaking to a counselor or a minister. I know it is not the same as a friend or family member but it is someone that you can talk to and not worry about adding to thier stress.