I need to get this out.
I have lost alot of weight and people have been giving me compliments and then recently I caught a reflection of myself in a glass door and I realized and I still FAT. I feel so gross. I finally see myself for what I truly am. It is mind blowing. I mean I am at the weight that some people START at. I dont feel very good about myself right now.
I can't stop eating. I am frustrated and stressed out with life right now. I am having issues at work, financial and dating ( I don't date. Nobody wants me!!!!) Anyway, I do not drink, I do not smoke and I do not have sex. I have no relief for my stress BUT food! I want food. I want to numb all the pain. I don't have anyone to talk to but my Grandma, my mom and you guys. I am at a loss. It is lunch time and I am trying to hold on. I called Grandma and she was like "eat what you want, you are going walking tonight". Um, I have been eating what I want for the last 3 days. Binging!! I cant continue to do this to myself. I just cant. I have restarted South Beach 4 times. I am trying to get over my sugar addiction. I do it for about 2 weeks, feel progress and then life throws something at me. Wham! Food here I come. Right now I am going to make a salad but I dont know what tonight will bring. Seriously, I have an addiction. I am shaking right now. The bank I work at is inside a grocery store. I can binge on whatever I want!! UGGGGGGHHHH!!!!
BTW: I have been so stressed out and etc that I have gained 26 pounds. I got 11 off. I need to lose about 15 to get back to my ticker I will never get as big as I was BUT I dont know if I will ever reach my goals!
Thanks for letting me get that out!