Fat Kid on a Little Bike - A personal mission
 

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Well, I succeeded today in humiliating myself.

My mom called at about 3 p.m. and said that she had bought me a bicycle. I was pretty surprised because usually she is a banshee who loves to rain on my parade and is just queen of killing any kind of good mood I am in. So I was all gung-ho about sucking down the fresh air and beginning my first day of intense activity.

So, off I went on my new bike, around the corner and felt so amazing until the incline started and kept going for the next hour. In five minutes I was starting to sweat. I began to get concerned about my butt swallowing the seat and the people driving by me wondering what I was doing and how terrible I looked. I was almost out of breath. Almost a mile uphill. My heart was pounding. I was getting dizzy. I see another small hill and I almost started to cry. I decide to get off my bike and pretend to adjust my seat as a truck filled with guys approached.

That is when my legs give out from under me and I hit the ground and the bike collapses on me.

I sat there for a minute and was bordering on screaming and I wondered what the **** I was thinking for those years and years as I ate and ate and ate and sat down and remained inactive. I wasn’t giving up… I was furious. I mean just plain and excruciating anger. If someone had stopped and asked me how I was I would have decked them in the face.

My heart was pounding and my hat was filled with sweat. As I decided to trek back to my house I could barely peddle. I was spitting mad when I finally made my way into my house. My dogs jumped on me and I yelled at them. I stormed around my house kicking doors and piles of laundry. I drank water and then puked it up. Then I sat on my floor.

I didn’t cry until my dogs came and lay on my lap – they obviously knew I was upset and attempting to comfort me in true doggy fashion.

How the crap did I let this happen to me. How could I have been so complacent for all of these years?

I am still fully motivated because any kind of experience like the one I had today is either going to make you or break you… but the lengths of how guilt ridden and pissed off I am at myself is infinate.

I want the weight gone and I want it gone now. I swear to god if I can’t make it up that hill by the end of the month… I am going to have to take a cardio beat down class to lay out some kind of punching bag.

I think you could use a :hug:

I hope sharing my experience may help you.

When I started in January at 295 pounds I did not have any energy whatsoever. I bought a stationary bike knowing I somehow needed to exercise.

I'd do that thing for 5 minutes at a time, stomach hitting my lap. I'd huff and puff, generally feeling ashamed and wanting to collapse. I couldn't walk right or sit straight for a month. My butt felt blistered. The moments at my stationary bike were the lowest of my fat career. Humiliating. I too would reflect on how I let myself get that way.

After the weather got nicer I bought a real bike. People yelled nasty crap from cars, I sweated like a beast, It sucked, big time. I didn't know if I could do it.

I did. I stuck with it. 8.5 months later I ride 18 miles in an hour. I like it now, I look forward to it. There aren't many people who pass me on the trails anymore, I can't remember the last time when.

You will too. You're determined, I can tell that. You'll be typing your success story in no time.

Get a punching bag. They're great!
:hug:

:hug:

Don't feel too bad, though. When starting a different exercise it will always be harder. This year I started riding my bike to work. It's only 2 miles and I thought I was going to be fine, I mean, I can run a 5k in under 30 minutes.

Nope.

2 miles later I was sweaty, my legs were shaking, my bum was sore, everything. I thought "no way can I do this". But I stuck it out. The first week was hard, the second week, easier. By the third week I could go 5 miles without a problem (get a gel seat, I thought I was going to get calluses down there!). Two weeks ago I did about 13 miles and felt like I barely got a work out. Even my HRM has told me this. When I started going to work my heart rate would peak at 165-170. Unless I sprint to work now, it barely gets above 130.

Give it time, don't give up. You'll love it. GOOD LUCK!

That is a great story! No offense, and I certainly feel your pain, but that has got to be good motivation! You go, girl!
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I have got to ask.... what program are you on that you had that much success??

It really does make me feel better to hear your story... i really thought I was gonna let the crazies lose this afternoon.

<3 - Paula

lol... Thanks. I literally just needed to vent and I think you guys on here are the only one that feels my pain. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. lol.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

This is something small, but something I'm very proud of.

I used to be practically wheezing by the time I made it up the stairs to my fiancee's apartment on the third floor. Huffing... puffing... omg I even had to stop for a break a couple times in there. I began walking on a treadmill, slowly... sweating a lot. Months pass. Probably about 6. Suddenly one day I climb the stairs and my fiancee says to me "You've made so much progress!" I look at him, a little confused, considering our conversation up the stairs had very little, ok nothing, to do with weight loss. He notices my confusion and clarifies "You just took those stairs without so much as breathing deeply once." I looked at the stairs. I looked at him. I looked at the stairs again. "Oh... my ... god... you're right." There it was. This small thing. A few stairs. And it was so gradual I didn't even notice it until someone else had pointed it out.

It takes time. But with commitment, I have every confidence that you'll be riding up that hill easily! :hug:

I don't know much about the site yet...I am still learning. But your story helps me get started again...I am a regainer..I lost 150 and gained it back...I didn't want to bring anybody down is there a thread for me?

xYourBelleMortex -- You are far braver than me, I give you so much credit and kudos and whatever can be given. I can't wait to read about you dominating those hills and looking back at this moment and laugh! Laugh because you are so far beyond it and everything ahead of you. I can't wait! You are going to do so great!!!

You know, i figured there would be the need to have that final binge... but it was like some kind of awakening that I was just sick of it. That night I made low fat chili and changed my life. I know it has only been a month... but I feel better already. I am glad my story helps someone because I really need this website to vent my aggravations and frustrations. I think you will find a lot of stories like mine on here. I suggest checking out the people who have reached their goals... that really helps me.

:congrat: on so many levels -
Congratulations for taking what could have been a negative action by your mom and making it positive.
Congratulations for having the courage to try.
Congrats for sticking with it, even when it got difficult.
Congrats for not giving up but setting a challenge to succeed.
Congrats for not being "too far gone" to even get on the bike in the first place.
Congrats for doing all these things to take care of you :hug:

(I only trail ride my moutain bike because with my behind, it looks like I forget to buy the seat and I'm not ready for my friends to drive by that yet!!)

Oh, I'm sorry your first time went to terribly but with determination you will get to where you want to be!! It also sounds like you got a healthy case of heat exhaustion, and dehydration too, so go biking when its cooler (like in the evening) and bring water with you!! You would be surprised how much this helps!

:hug: You CAN do this. I know your first time back on a bike wasn't a pleasant experience. Start slow is any new form of exercise. Sorry this was so hard. Stick with it!

Oh, you SO sound like me! A few years ago for my 42nd birthday, I wanted a bike. At 280+, I wasn't sure there were bikes out there for me, so I did a lot of research. I got a lovely "beach bike" (a cross between a trail bike with big fat wheels and a regular sit-up bike with normal handlebars) with a good sturdy frame. I was so excited! But the first few times I was overwhelmed at how hard it was. I took it fairly slowly at first, and no hills! And gradually, it got easier.

I had a very different experience. Hubby and I bought bikes the summer before last. I wasn't sure I could ride a bike at my size, and in fact was pretty convinced that I couldn't. But I really wanted to try, so we bought the sturdiest bikes Walmart had to offer (the second cheapest as it turns out - the more expensive bikes have more "springs" and such that can break, so cheaper was actually better - besides we didn't want to spend alot on bikes we might not be able to ride).

The first attempt was a disaster. The gel seat on the bike wasn't big enough, so after a 5 or 10 minute bike ride, I was in so much pain (as my husband referred to it when I explained where I was hurting - that I'd been sexually assaulted by a bicycle - and the joke wasn't too far off). When I was brave enough to try again (with the biggest gel seat, Walmart sold) it was a much better experience.

I was so proud of that 10 minute bike ride, even though my legs felt like cooked spaghetti when I got back to the apartment.

With hubby's joint disease and diabetic neuropathy progressing to the point that he can't ride anymore (he doesn't have the balance, and it hurts his knees way too much) I've lost alot of the motivation to ride. Although I felt like everyone in the neighborhood was staring at our giant fat selves, I felt safe with him riding next to me. I have to get over that, because the bike represents such an accomplishment for me.

Being overweight since kindergarten, and morbidly obese since puberty (with the exception of a year or two in high school with diet pills), I've had an irrational fear of sports of any kind. I chalk it up to evil gym teachers (in grade school and junior high) and a mother who always told me I "looked ridiculous" climbing on the monkey bars or doing anything active as a child. Well, anything active that she thought I could get hurt on (I now realize). I SO wanted to go horseback riding with my girl scout troup, but every time it came up, my mom found a way to keep me from going. Mostly telling me how I would sway back the horse. The last time, I was determined to go, despite her comments, and the night before my mom decided that the family was going to the Great America amusement park, so I had to decide horseback riding or Great America. I chose Great America (and ended up quitting girl scouts soon after).

I've always avoided all sports activities because fat girls are "supposed to." With the exception of swimming. Oh, I loved swimming so much, even though I knew I wasn't supposed to. I didn't even mind so much when people called me "whale" because that's what I wanted to be in the water - a whale or a dolphin.

I'm finally leaning that my fat doesn't have to hold me back any further than it has to hold me back. What I mean is that I may have to face limitations because of the fat on my body, but I'm trying not to let the fat in my head hold me back.

Kaplods -- Your story made me cry :(. I have a 9 year old son who is 5 foot 2 inches tall and 113 pounds -- he's not seriously overweight but I get so upset every time I see him struggle to keep up with his friends. To make his challenges worse, he has Dyspraxia (poor motor control) so he has trouble just putting the steps together to accomplish some of the simplier physical tasks. He, at this point, is physically unable to ride a bike -- he has been so tall/big for so long, by the time age-wise he would be able to do certain things, body-wise he was just too big and bulky to accomplish it. God bless his heart, the poor kid tries it all!!! I am just praying his friends continue to be patient with him and cringe every time he is teased by members on his team that don't know his gentle heart and make fun of his efforts to play.

Sometimes it's so easy to crush a spirit, and yet nothing is as strong as a resilient spirit. It sounds like your son has one. Though learning to bend not break, is tough, and it has to be tough as a mother to watch. It's why I cut my mom a lot of slack, I think she was so desperate to protect me from the cruel world, she sometimes resorted to cruelty in order to do it. Misguided, but fear makes people do crazy, stupid things. Now the gym teachers - they had no excuse they were just sadistic.