I worked with people who really didn't like me because of my weight--I know because we had to do a project together and after working with me and seeing my ability we became friends. I can remember asking one night when we were out for happyhour why they were so rude and they both admitted that my weight caused them to be uncomfortable and they assumed that because I was overweight I was lazy.
We are still friends now but I always will remember that -- Be aware there are people who will judge you because of your weight-- but people judge people based on a number of things and that will not stop in our society.
A study was just done that hiring authorities often don't hire a qualified person due to the personal appearance (being overweigh is number one) because you will represent that organization in what you say, do, and how you look.
I know that it is difficult to spend time with someone who makes it clear that they love you but are not able to look past the weight. I hope that you are able to understand that it is a side effect of the medication -- you can speak to your doctor and they can often change the medications so that the weight gain is not a side effect.
i've been off the med for 2 years. Stopped gaining as soon as I quit but haven't been able to lose. After eating less than a toddler for several months my dr agreed to do some tests to see whats wrong with me! So far I am insulin resistant and possible have PCOS but I won't know for a few more weeks. I wish the weight would just go away. My boyfriend even had fake profiles saying he was single on the internet and was talking to girls. It hurts a lot.. I don't know why I put up with it. It's so sad to think everything would be ok if the weight gain never happened. I always wonder why this had to happen. It literally has ruined my life ):
I am really sorry to hear that it shows how little he understands about love-- when someone gains weight, has an operation or other things in life happen it makes you question if he will be there when you need him most.
I am glad to hear that you followed up with your doctor and they are investigating why your weight has not come off. I know how hard it is to try to get back to where you feel good.
But I wonder if when you get to your goal you will still want to be with a man who has demonstrated how hurtful he can be.
I'm so sorry he's done things like this, but you know, it's not your fault, or your body's fault he did that -- it's HIS fault. I realize people are attracted to what they;re attracted too and your boyfriend is within rights to not be attracted to an overweight person, even if he does still love you, but that is a REALLY $h*tty thing to do...
I wonder, though, if he'd feel so free to do things like that if your issue weren't weight related -- a lot of times, I feel like people feel free to be disrespectful to overweight people purely bc they're overweight...
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovespink
My boyfriend even had fake profiles saying he was single on the internet and was talking to girls.
i've been off the med for 2 years. Stopped gaining as soon as I quit but haven't been able to lose. After eating less than a toddler for several months my dr agreed to do some tests to see whats wrong with me! So far I am insulin resistant and possible have PCOS but I won't know for a few more weeks. I wish the weight would just go away. My boyfriend even had fake profiles saying he was single on the internet and was talking to girls. It hurts a lot.. I don't know why I put up with it. It's so sad to think everything would be ok if the weight gain never happened. I always wonder why this had to happen. It literally has ruined my life ):
Do not take the blame for his actions -- my husband loves me now, as much as he did BEFORE I gained 100 lbs (I know he definitely found me more attractive at 145 than 274 but I understand that) -- so to say your weight is the reason he is looking elsewhere is just a way for the responsibility to be taken away from him. When I lose 100 lbs, I will not be a better person, my husband will not be a better husband, etc. I will, however, be healthier and happier. Your boyfriend is unhappy -- when you lose weight, he will probably still be unhappy.
Please, lose weight for yourself -- but also -- deal with him -- not based on your weight, but based on your emotions. If he loves you (not based on your appearance) than he should have never been "checking out the playing field".
I'm just curious... my hubby thinks I'm just crazy and paranoid, but you know when you KNOW something...
I work with two people who are just COLD to me... and I just KNOW it's because I'm fat. They're fit and trim and attractive and we have had almost ZERO interaction (meaning that there is no baggage, etc for why they would treat me less friendly).
Have you ever met people who are Fat-Haters? Who simply just don't want to be friendly or smile at you in the hallway simply b/c they are offended by your "Fatness"?
I feel that way...
(and I'm not even disgustingly obese--- I dress professionally and I'm not sloppy/dirty/offensive in any way like, I'm sorry, some "stereotypical" fat people are)
I swear, this one girl is relatively new to the department, I've got a good reputation around here as being a good worker who produces a+ reports... no background of baggage (I've been here less than a year myself, so no time to build up a bad rep yet!) and she just never smiles at me in the hall or greets me... just walks by and doesn't even look. COLD.
I just want to go in her office one day and say, "Listen, are you rude to me just because I'm fat? Because that's really not fair. You are never friendly to me and I just can't figure it out."
ARGH.
I am "disgustingly obese", and I can say, some people are just jerks. There is no rhyme or reason & they are missing out on getting to know a great person.
Your gauge is going to have to be how she treats others in the office. Is there someone in the office who IS "disgustingly obese"? How does she treat that person? Is there someone the same level of...well I don't want to say fatness, but there it is, fatness as you? How does she treat that person? These are the things I would look at if someone were being cold to me.
As big girls, we have a tendency to think, "It's my weight" when something goes wrong. Not fair to us, or our self esteem. Generally it's the other person's hangup, or like someone else mentioned, we are human & have our own flaws other than dress size.
You mention she doesn't even look at you or greet you in the hall. Do you greet her? Do you smile? Smiles usually get smiles. If they don't, all you can do is shrug & know you made the effort.
You also say you've had ZERO interaction. Now I have no idea what you do or where you work, but is there any business purpose that would throw you together? Would there ever be a time you've HAVE to interact with them? If not, I would chalk it up to them being shy/jerks & writing them off. Just keep being friendly. Nothing wrong with that.
I say that because there are 175 people in the building I work in. There are some new girls, but they usually warm up once they start talking to me.
The other thing I wanted to say was my own personal experience with someone like this. Turns out she was painfully shy. She just didn't know me & wasn't going to be friendly until someone she knew spoke to me. I'd say hi if I saw her in the hall or elevator, but she'd just look at me. I'd think to myself, "Dude, I'm not asking you out, I just said Good Morning!" Ridiculous.
So that is what I would do, just see how she relates to others who are not Barbie-doll sized & go from there. This would be how you could unequivocally tell if it was weight-related. Because, yeah, weight-related criticism does exist but make sure she's not icy to everyone before you beat yourself up about it.
I know it's not my fault and I'm def. not taking the blame. But it still sucks. We were planning to get married before I gained the weight, then I told him I wouldn't until I lost it, so it partially is my fault. I haven't been allowing myself to live the life I want because of weight. It's really ridiculous. I won't go on vacations or anything. Do any of you guys do that?
I really hate that people treat people differently based on weight. When I was thin I never treated anyone differently, although I think I had the same sterotype of overweight people that thin people do. It sure was wrong though. People should be educated that overweight people don't just pig out and sit around all day. My boyfriend claims he has always had a "fat phobia".
I know this is not my thread, I don't want to steal it from the OP, but I am just so stressed out about all this. I set up an appt. to see a counselor this Thursday. I love my bf very much and want to be with him but I don't know how to handle the things he has done. I know that i'll be resentful when I lose weight. It really has tainted our relationship. I've imagined scenarios where I could get revenge, like losing weight and then pretending to cheat on him so he could catch me and feel as bad as I do. Hopefully this will all pass. I'm glad I found this community though, I think you guys will be very helpful on my journey
[QUOTE=SuchAPrettyFace;2310685] I'd say hi if I saw her in the hall or elevator, but she'd just look at me. I'd think to myself, "Dude, I'm not asking you out, I just said Good Morning!" Ridiculous. QUOTE]
Haha that just made me think of something. I never talk to guys I don't know well because I don't want them to think I like them and then be rude to me because they are disgusted by my weight.. Talk about low self esteem. I hate going in public really because when I hear people laughing I always think it must be about me. When I see thin girls I assume they are thinking how happy they are to not be me because i'm so gross. Talk about low self esteem!
When I see thin girls I assume they are thinking how happy they are to not be me because i'm so gross. Talk about low self esteem!
Ugh, I definitely do this, too... During the school year when I was at college, my dorm was really far from campus, so every day when I was walking to/from, I'd always see lots of people jogging. I always felt like they were looking at me, like they were either thinking Hmm, why don't YOU try this, ya tub of lard! or especially with girls, I'd think that I must be motivating them to keep jogging... Like they'd be thinking, If I keep up with this, I won't look like HER! Such a terrible thing for me to think, and I know only a small fraction of people are that nasty, but I could never get it out of my head. Someday I hope to get to the point where I'M the one jogging down the sidewalk. Seems like a very scary thought right now! Hehe.
Having been both thin and fat I can tell you most def people treat you different -- BUT I am different then I was when I was thin -I am kinder and less self centered -- So maybe people respond to the vibe and ques we give them?
Just to clarify, b/c I've been away from this thread for a while---
I myself am a relatively shy person at first--- I don't go walking around the halls popping my head into other people's office just to say hi and start conversation. But if I pass someone walking by me, I certainly smile and say "good morning" etc...
I've passed her several times and did the old routine, with nothing back. So I stopped. She doesn't even look up at me, OBVIOUSLY averts her eyes so she won't even have to try to make conversation... and I've seen her be friendly with other people.
I just don't get it. There's another lady who I met my first week here, small, super active, older woman--- she LITERALLY did the ol' eye me up and down routine, then kinda sneered and said, "nice to meet you" when we were introduced. She avoids me ever since.
Some people... I'm not saying everyone... but some people just make their opinions on the physical presentation and that's it.... ah well.
She eyed you up and down and then sneered!? LOL! I'm sorry to laugh, but how can someone seriously DO THAT to someone else??
Personally, if someone did that to me, they'd get placed atop my Sh*t List and ignored by me forever, until such time that I am either forced to interact with them or they stop being an @ss. Whichever comes first.
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Originally Posted by BrandNewJen
I just don't get it. There's another lady who I met my first week here, small, super active, older woman--- she LITERALLY did the ol' eye me up and down routine, then kinda sneered and said, "nice to meet you" when we were introduced. She avoids me ever since.
Going back to why this thread was started.... I am VERY shy, and I sometimes walk by people without looking them in the eye. Although, if someone said, "Good Morning" I probably would have replied but probably still wouldn't have looked up! Just the other day I was walking by someone and I forced myself to look up and smile at them and I think I probably gave them the most weirdest smile ever! I am so trying to work on it but it's times like those that make me want to go back to not looking people in the eye! Hahaha!
but I understand that) -- so to say your weight is the reason he is looking elsewhere is just a way for the responsibility to be taken away from him. When I lose 100 lbs, I will not be a better person, my husband will not be a better husband, etc. I will, however, be healthier and happier. Your boyfriend is unhappy -- when you lose weight, he will probably still be unhappy.
Ridiculous. 
