I've done really GREAT! I'm so proud of myself! I have made it through Horrible cravings so many times and I've lost over 20 lbs!!!! It is so exciting but at the same time...

I'm scared to death...

I know it is premature...I have a long way to go...but WHAT IF...I suffer through all this hard work and loose the weight and then when my weight is not the primary focus everyday...

I have a treat...and it is so good that I have to have it every day and then everyday I have to have more of it.... and then I need a variety of treats and then...I have gained to much weight that it is to overwhelming to think about loosing it so I might as well have another treat.


If any thing is going to derail me it is the persistant thought that all of this is for nothing. I keep thinking that I will go back to my old ways as soon as I taste Ice Cream again.

Does anyone else live with this feeling of impending doom or am I just crazy?

My biggest fear is that I will finish raising my children all alone...they will go off to start their lives and then I will still be sitting here...fat and alone, disgusted with my life.

I wouldn't say you are crazy. I would say that your fear is a good example of why it's not such a good idea to say 'never again' to any foods that we really love. You can make room for them in any eating plan -- maybe not every day, but certainly from time to time. It's a lifestyle choice, and if you keep choosing this lifestyle, you'll be okay.

My biggest fear as well.

As for the impending doom feeling... I know how you feel. I am totally serious when I say I am scared to death that if I have a few bad days I will wake up 80 pounds heavier. I'm obsessed with eating, but in a different way now, I don't know how to break the obsession and it terrifies me that my focus will shift again.

Hi djay!
It sounds as though you are doing really really well!
Focus on the positive and try not to turn your worries into 'self-fulfilling prophecy'. Don't be scared and remember that you are the one in charge. Very empowering. You also have all the great people here to support you.
You are the one in charge of your weight loss and not the treats.
If you have a treat it won't undo all the good work you've done, and you can get right back on your plan.
Maybe it would help not to think of it as suffering through something, because after all - these are life long changes that you will have to be making, and why not enjoy some of it?
Have a good Saturday!

My biggest fear, which was somewhat confirmed yesterday and today, is that I really am as ugly as I feel, and that everyone in my life thinks so too; friends, fiance, everyone. I also fear, which was also more or less confirmed yesterday and today, is that people (my friends, parents, etc.) consider me a weak person with no mind of my own, that I need other people to make decisions for me because I can't ever decide what I want for myself.

It sounds like you need to surround yourself with different people! Everyone has value. You are not what others think of you!

No way you are weak! Look at your weight loss! YOU set a goal. YOU took steps to achieve that goal and YOU will make it happen!

That being said...I don't know what happened yesterday...but I know there have been times in my life that I have taken things the wrong way...Or someone I love said something the wrong way that hurt me when It was not their intent. After a little cooling off time sometimes the picture changes. I hope that is the case here.

Best of Luck to you.

D

That's my life...But guess what it isn't the worst. The worst was being married and feeling alone. I would rather be lonley by myself!

Your kids will always be there. Friends just wait for you to be a friend. Being alone is not such a bad thing!

That is the problem. There are foods that I am frightened of! I have never had control. Once I start, I don't stop! Like an alcoholic. The only way I can control it is to not even take a bite. All or nothing. It has happened to many times.

How do you overcome that?

I know it is premature...I have a long way to go...but WHAT IF...I suffer through all this hard work and loose the weight and then when my weight is not the primary focus everyday...

I have a treat...and it is so good that I have to have it every day and then everyday I have to have more of it.... and then I need a variety of treats and then...I have gained to much weight that it is to overwhelming to think about loosing it so I might as well have another treat.


"If any thing is going to derail me it is the persistant thought that all of this is for nothing. I keep thinking that I will go back to my old ways as soon as I taste Ice Cream again.

Does anyone else live with this feeling of impending doom or am I just crazy?"


I'm scared too that this is all temporary. Right now it feels so good and relatively easy, but I've lost before and never been able to maintain. I remind myself that I'm doing different things now, and also that I am strengthening my "control" muscles while I'm losing, in part by eating the way I want to keep eating.

I think that like alcoholics, those of us who have been morbidly obese will always be scared of falling into that trap again. I'm not sure that is a bad thing, perhaps the scarier idea is that in the past I've always kind of believed that if I lost the weight I could go back to my old way of eating...without penalty. I now know that isn't true, so I have to make permanent changes.

Lyn has a quote on her signature that says "being fat is hard, losing weight is hard, maintaining is hard, choose your hard" Maybe what we need to remember is that even though we may be less focussed on weight and eating than we are now,we may never be able to just forget it and eat without thinking about it the way our always thin sisters do.

Hey there! No, you are not alone in having those fears. Experience has shown that many people do regain weight. Going back to old habits is how it happens.

The relationship with food has to change in a fundamental way.

One of the things that has helped me is not to think of certain foods as being "treats." Food as a reward or consolation is a terrible trap.

I'm not sure I believe the "choose your hard" philosophy, simply because I don't want to live my life forever in a state of constant struggle. There must be another way, and I think it's what I said above--the view of food must change.

There are foods that I will always have to restrict, however. Ice cream is one of them. I don't know whether I'll ever be able to have it in the house--and that's OK. If I want ice cream, I go out to an ice cream place and get a small serving and I'm done with it. Some other foods are like that as well.

Don't let fears of the future distract you from the present. Stay on your weight loss plan now--learn better eating habits--see food for what it is, namely, fuel for the body. Yes, some food is much more tasty than other food, but it was never meant to be a holiday in itself...

Jay

djay -- Lots of us are terrified of gaining the weight back. Sometimes I think that fear is a good thing -- helps keep me on track. Use the fear!

As for how to handle it, well, know that any one slip won't make you gain all the weight back. I think one key is to figure out which foods or which situations trigger problems for you.

For example, I know that most days I can avoid donuts, but that if I have even a bite of one, I will want more and more. So, unless I can really control the portions, and really want a donut, I know I shouldn't have even the first taste.

I also know that when I'm under stress, I am more likely to have that first dangerous bite. That then it's even more important to plan plan plan...

And again, know that one slip isn't deadly. Get back on plan right away!

It's taken me a long time (and I'm still working on it; there are foods I still can't have in the house), but I've been at this for two years now, and it *has* gotten easier to control myself around certain foods. Lately I've been doing experiments with trigger foods to see how I handle them. I'm okay with crackers now, but I still can't keep peanut butter in the house. I'm not addicted to bread anymore, but I can't buy ice cream. Etc etc. It's all trial and error, really, but it's nice to discover that I've made some progress with my trigger foods. Give it time and you'll stop being so scared of old favorites eventually. At least I hope it works that way for you too.

I really do hope that someday I will truly make peace with this whole eating thing. I don't like the constant struggle either. But for now I have to pick between being miserable being fat, or working hard to lose the weight. I am trying to choose the latter.

I have worries, too, that I will regain all the weight. I get scared thinking, "how can I stop myself from getting fat again for the next 30 or 40 years???" Scary. But I don't like the alternative so I will take my chances.

As for the other fears, I feel them too. I am living in the "alone" marriage right now. Marriage is over, just waiting for the final death knell. My kids are growing up and going away. My whole identity is about being a mom, and I am trying to find new aspects to myself. If I did not have a toddler I would be losing my mind right now because the older kids are going...

We all just gotta work through our issues, I guess. Face the fears, don't run from them. Don't bury them in peanut butter cups. Have strength.

Looking at food a simply fuel has always been difficult. I'm not sure how to get to that point because having such variety in an otherwize hum-drum dayreally has provided me a holiday when I felt I needed one.

I'm not sure how to replace that in my life just yet.

Thank you all for the kind support and suggestions. It does help to know that I am not alone in this...

D