I am so lost - I recently lost one of my children - something that I never thought that I could survive. My life has felt like a living ****. So many things have happened and I feel like I am barely going through the motions of living. I had to go back to work. I cry everyday (I am not crying in front of people - some people are very uncomfortable with grief), I started smoking again, I have not gone back to the gym.
I know that nothing is going to bring my child back. I know that I still have a family to cherish and to love. I know that I have other children that I need to be there for (not that I am ignoring them - I could never do that). I know that I have things that I have to continue doing.
I know all of these things - but a part of me - does not want to get out bed in the morning and do all of these things, much less get up and go to work or to the gym. I honestly cannot say the last time I checked my blood sugar. I am finding it so hard to care about much of anything. I feel like I am barely existing.
Today was just so horrible and my husband and kids did their very best and I love them so much for it - but in my mind I could only think of the one that I lost. I know that I need to try and get my life back in order. I know it's going to take time, I know that I am just going to have step up and be a little bit stronger. I just don't know where to start.