[aerotigergirl]

Sorry for this, but I desperately need someone to talk to.

Things aren't going well. My boyfriend's mom was diagnosed, on Friday, with breast cancer. She goes back to the doctor today to find out what stage her cancer is, but so far all we know is that her tumor is too large to be eligible for a lumpectomy, so she will likely require a mastectomy.

My own mom was in the hospital recently, and may have to have gall bladder surgery still. I lost an aunt 2 years ago when she went in to have routine knee surgery, so I am terrified of anesthesia.

Then, last night, some neighborhood kids started shooting at our dog with a BB gun. After all the antagonizing, our dog finally jumped from our 2nd floor balcony. He's ok now, we just had him checked out with the vet, but it was upsetting to hear that someone was torturing your dog while you were off at work.

Sorry for dumping this all here. I realize this isn't really the place for problems like these. But I've been trying to be strong for my boyfriend (which is obviously the right thing to do right now), and last night was sort of the straw that broke the camel's back.

My method of handling stress involves carrying it around with me, worrying and stewing over it until it makes me sick. I've been working on dealing with things in a much healthier way, but the progress is slow (29 years of practice got me pretty set in my ways, I guess). My boyfriend always says that I need to learn to just "put things down." I'd love to, but it's just not as simple as that for me. Do any of you deal with stress very well? Can you share any thoughts on how I might have an easier time coping (especially with the stress that is about to come with his mom's cancer)?

[ElayneRae]

Im really sorry.
It seems like things just hit one after another.
Im not much for religion, but it really does seem like a test at times.

I disagree that this isn't the place to vent.
I think we all have things we're dealing with, and I know it helps me so much to be on here talking about stuff.

Im sorry that I dont have great advice for you.
I think that you're doing the write thing by reaching out.
Talking and writing about my stress seems to be the best way to deal. I find talking is often the hardest thing, because I have to let it all out, but it seems to be the absolute best thing.

You have to find some way to release it, so it doesn't eat you from the inside.

[Lyn2007]

First I am so sorry you are having so much stress all at once. It's really tough when life hands you almost more than you can handle. And I am definately keeping your boyfriend's moms in my thoughts and hope she heals well from this ordeal.

I guess for me, in the past my coping mechanism was food. It's very hard to do something different but I am learning to take a deep breath and realize that I have two choices. I can DO something constructive about what is stressing me, or I can let it go ("put it down" as your BF put it). You can take your stress and:

research anesthesia options
talk to an anesthesiologist for reassurance
pray or meditate
file a police report on the brats who hurt your dog
do something extra nice for your BF's mom
journal
walk or exercise off the stress

Or, you can just say to yourself, "there is nothing more I can do. This, too, shall pass." and focus on living a healthy happy life as best you can, while being supportive to those around you in need.

I sure don't have a perfect answer but I hope something I said might help you in this difficult time!

[Lovely]

I just wanted to send you a . I don't really have any suggestions... I actually think that typing about it (or talking about it) are healthy ways. Please don't apologize for writing about these things. We all need places to vent. And I think this is a good one.

[famograham]

Ohhh, Sweetie, I'm SO, so sorry! What a horrid week! I'm sending : and for both of your Moms.

As for your doggie...that REALLY got my blood boiling!
Those kids should be prosecuted for animal abuse.
Is there ANY way you can keep him inside while you're at work? Even an adult dog can learn to love his kennel/crate/bedroom, and he'd be so much safer inside.

I have some very choice words for kids like those..and their parents. What ever happened to respect for life??? Poor boy!

I also agree that I don't find it inappropriate for you to post about this here. We are friends, and when things go wrong, you need your friends to bounce your feelings off of!

I hope things feel much better very soon!
I'm sorry it's so tough right now
Linda

[Beverlyjoy]

I am so, so sorry to hear about all these things happening. It's too much piled on. Your fears and stresses are real. I deal with stress too. What has made a huge difference for me is daily meditation. Maybe go to the library and see if they have a meditation cd. At first meditation seems hard and that you are doing it wrong. But, when your mind wanders you just gently bring it back to your breath. But, the more you do it the more it becomes easier in a way.

Also, journalling all your feelings can help too. Just write down on paper everything you are feeling. It helps in the sense that then it doesn't spin around in your mind. And if those scarey feelings and the stress come back...write about it again.

Take care!

[aerotigergirl]

Thanks so much, everyone. You're all so kind to not only listen to, but to empathize with, my recent worries. I really appreciate your help. And you're right: talking about it really does help. When I came to work today, I felt so heavy... But by opening up and sharing my worries, I feel like I put something out there and said "this is too heavy for me to carry right now" and all you great folks piped in and said "it's ok, we'll help you carry it!" I can't thank you enough. This board is full of angels.

As for the situation with the dog... normally he does stay inside. He's a good boy, and he's very well-behaved (except for the occasional boredom-induced chewing frenzy which we've grown accustomed to) when he's left at home. But on nice days, we've sometimes left the sliding door to the balcony open so that he can go outside and enjoy the nice weather. Yesterday was one of those days. But he's never had any problems being out there before. There are lots of cats and squirrels and things in the neighborhood, and he's never given the slightest indication that he may actually jump. But, he can't have the door open anymore.

We did file a report with the cops last night, but the kids who were doing the shooting were only ~10 years old, so it has to be processed through the juvenile courts. The officer basically told us not to expect much to come of it.

[famograham]

I'm glad you feel even the tiniest bit better

It is such a horrible shame that puppy has to give up his sunny balcony because of these darn kids! My son is 10 also, and would NEVER even consider doing something so horrible! What are these kids doing with BB guns anyway??
GRRRRRR! This kind of thing makes me so angry...that kind of stuff escalates into worse!

Sending love,
Linda

[aerotigergirl]

My thoughts exactly, Linda. It seems like the thing to do would be to take notice when kids start with the disturbing behavior, rather than wait until they've taken a real gun to school with them!

I don't know how/why they had access to a BB gun, anyway.

[Rhighlan86]

The BB gun was most likely bought by a parent, many parents get their sons BB guns at a young age because they feel its just a BB. I feel however that what they did was terrible and I honestly would go and put the fear of God in them. I don't think that you should have to keep your dog inside because those kids are hooligans, especially since he was staying on your property. It's a bad sign when kids have disregard for living things like that and I think that action should be punished. It just sucks that since they are so young nothing will most likely happen with the court system unless they have been trouble before.

With your mom and the gallbladder, I had the same fears about the anesthisia when I went in to have mine taken out in January. I was terrified that something would happen, but honestly the anestisiologists made sure I was completely comfortable and OK. The whole thing lasted 2.5 hours (thats longer than normal but my gallbladder was twisted) and I felt just fine afterwards. The only side effect I noticed is I was really tired for weeks because it stores in your fat. What they did for me is they put me on an IV drip that relaxed me and then when I actually got in the surgery room they put the mask on. I would say definately do your own research and ask the doctors and anestisiologists, they are more than willing to answer any questions you have. My doctor said that if its just the lacroscopy prodcedure there is less than a 1% chance that anything will go wrong.

As for your bf's mom I am so sorry. That's such a scary place to be. I agree with some of the other posters and say maybe you could do something nice...maybe a girls day, just to try and get her mind off of it. Like you guys could get your nails done and have lunch. Just something that would bring up her spirits for now. Both of your families will be in my prayers along with many others on this board so try and keep your head up. Anytime you need to post there are hundreds of people ready here to listen and provide support