feeling really unattactive
 

Hi,

Good morning everyone :) I first want to say that I am so appreciative of this board. Thanks to everyone who posts!

I was wondering how people make themselves feel better about how they look when they need to lose weight?

I dread and hate getting dressed every morning. I am sick of wearing baggy shirts and elastic waisted pants. I'm turning 33 on Monday, and feel like I'm dressing too old for my age (I don't want to offend anyone who is older, please I don't mean anything). I have a few "thin" clothes at the back of my closet, and can't even remember what it felt like to wear them.

I'm just tired of wearing shapeless clothes to try and hide the obvious-like if I wear dark pants and a long shirt no one's going to notice all the weight! Yeah, right. I'm sick of feeling like I'm being stared at for being fat, and then feeling invisible at the same time.

I try to make an effort with my hair, makeup and jewelry-but I just feel so ugly in my clothes. I don't want to spend money on new clothes now-even if I could find anything that would make me feel remotely attractive.

Anyone else have this problem? What makes you feel better about yourself?

sorry to ramble-
Sherry

oops-meant to say feeling "unattractive"
 

sorry about the misspelling.

Thanks,
sherry

Dear Suzie 76
Why are you wearing baggy clothes?
Just because you are a large woman
does not mean you cant look and feel
pretty. You should be wearing clothes
that fit properly....not baggy coverups.
You can wear elastic waisted pants,
tuck your blouse inside and then put a
belt on. Then put a great matching or
contrasting vest on (to hide pudgy or
big hips). The same goes for a dress
that is properly fitted & then a jacket
or vest over it. Another added benefit
is that in properly fitted clothes, you
are probably one or two sizes smaller
than in the big baggy clothes.
I myself am a very very overweight
person, but I pride myself in my amount and selections of clothes.
My coworkers tease me that I never
wear the same outfit twice (that's
ridiculous...of course I do) and they
always ask where they can buy the
same outfit in their size.
Your curent size is just temporary.
You are working on reducing and
getting fit and feeling healthy.
Wait for some sales to go shopping...
I dont know what size you are, but
I shop in Fashion Bug and The
Avenue, and in K-Mart and Wal-mart.
I order from Silouette and Blair
catalogues and Lane Bryant too.
You have to start feeling good about
yourself and have a positive attitude.
Good luck.

I absolutely agree with susan, if you're expending all that energy hating the way you look, what do you have left to try and make yourself look better?
I have my days where I just say what's the point of getting dressed, doing my hair and makeup.... but, 9 times out of ten, I'll do it... if you do something to look good, it will usually motivate you to do something to look better... I'm 5'11" 325, and while I'm carrying this much weight, I'm going to do everything I possibly can to work with it, and make what I've got look good... I don't believe in camoflage dressing, I don't think wearing baggy black from head to toe is going to fool anyone as to the size of my arse :D Just work with what you've got bodywise, you're working on that, treat it good while you do... and you're gonna have to give in and buy some new clothes eventually :-) Oh yeah, one thing that makes me feel sexier than anything... stepping out of the shower after a nice workout, skin kinda flushed, eyes clear... heck, makes me wanna run around nekkies all day :lol:

I agree! What will people focus about you? Is it your weight or is it your frumpiness? I admit that there are times when I think, to heck with the makeup or whatever, but I find that when I do take efforts to make myself look nice, people always seem to notice. If you make efforts to look your best you will feel better.

I love to see a curvy gal that looks great--she's done her make-up and hair and her clothes are fitted to her body, whatever the size is. That person may not be happy with her weight, but she is gonna flaunt what she has now. Isn't that the whole point? Why wait until you lose X amounts of pounds before you take the initative to feel good? Feel good now or my goodness you will lose all the time in between and be miserable on this journey!

Am I right or am I right?
:D

Abby,

I agree with everything everyone has said. Sure, some days I look in the mirror and think why bother. But generally, the more I do (Hair, makeup, jewelry) the better I feel. I have artificial nails that looks always look nice and I even get pedicures (when it's in the budget!) even though I know no one else but hubby and I will see them. I know I am fat, but I want to be the pretty well kept fat person. I also have recently become very into shoes!!

I know how you feel
 

Sherry,

Hi. I do know how you feel. I agree that it helps to do the makeup and hair and stuff but I also know sometimes I feel frumpy wearing jeans and my husbands button up shirts that hide my big stomach.
Or my stretch pants from when I was pregnant two years ago. I just hate spending money on fat clothes but sometimes I have to.

But, on the other hand, I'm trying to use my current wardrobe as incentive to make positive changes. I have several shirts that I can't fit into that are OK so I'll be glad when I can wear them again. I'll be even happier when they're too big!

I'm trying to follow Dr. Phil's advice of getting rid of expandable clothing. So, right now I have one pair of jeans that I can barely get on--they're not very comfortable but I wear them anyway to help remind me that being this heavy doesn't feel good. What I really want to do is splurge big time on a new wardrobe when I reach my goal weight.

I think some of it might have to do with your birthday too. I just turned 34 a few months ago and I thought, "I can't believe I'm still this size at this age!" I feel like I didn't get to enjoy my 20s as much being so big and here I'm getting into my 30s with no changes. I don't want to waste any more time.

Maybe treat yourself to some new clothes for your birthday that you feel a little better in and buy some new shoes and jewelry too. Then look forward to when these clothes are just too big. You'll still have the shoes and jewelry.:)

feeling unattractive
 

Hi,

Thanks everyone for the kind words and advice. I think turning 33 on Monday has also made me depressed. -although turning 30 didn't bother me. Every year I say I'll lose weight by my next birthday, and I gain instead.

Well, I took your advice and went shopping today :) I had a mastercard gift voucher that was our Xmas present from work, so I didn't even have to spend my own money!

I bought a pair of tailored pants (and they were a size smaller than my baggy pants). Best of all , they were on clearance and marked down to six dollars!

I also bought two very pretty blouses-and they weren't navy or black. One is RED and fitted at the waist, and the other is lilac with very nice embroidery down the front. It's also fitted at the waist. I forgot I actually do have a small waist in comparison with my hips. I've been hiding it under baggy shirts.

I then bought new lipstick and got my hair cut. I'm feeling much less frumpy now :)

No reason to wait until I lose weight to feel good about how I look, right?


Thanks,
sherry

HOORAY !!!
 

Dear Sherry:
I am sooooo very happy you took our
advice & splurged a little on yourself.
Great going on the sale price of pants.
That's what I love about shopping...
finding the best price for something..
And what great color choices for the
blouses....red and lilac. But you didn't
mention the color of the pants. NOW
for some contrast you might want to
add a dark purple scarf or jewelry.
Purple against lilac or red looks great...
it's a great color contrast . You might
want to use a mauve color nail polish..
and lipstick and blush....that would go
great with either color....of course..
also depending on your skin tone and
your hair and eye color. Learn to have
fun with colors....you're right...black
isn't going to hide anything. I love to
wear bright colors and shoes...oh my
goodness....if my closet could talk!!!
Once you start feeling a little better
about yourself and feeling more
confident, you will automatically look
thinner...really and truly...because
people will be looking at your smile,
not at your body.

The last line of your first post was "What makes you feel better about yourself?". For me I would have to say it is starting from the inside. Not my personality, but my foundation garments!:o I love satin, and when I start with a pretty satin set next to my skin, I feel good, and when I feel good, no matter what I am wearing I carry myself better. I know this may sound crazy, but it works for me. I am glad you bought yourself new clothes and are feeling good. That is what it is all about. Take Care.

Hi Sherry, I just wanted to add to everyone elses comment that getting new clothes does help. You know, there is a side of me, though, that will not conform to the fat. What I mean is, I will buy a few things when its absolutly necessary, but for the most part, I don't really like whats out there for larger women, so I don't give in and buy the fat clothes. I am turning 39 in a few weeks, and I do not feel old, or frumpy, so I won't wear those kinds of clothes. And I cannot find up to date fashions that don't cost an arm and a leg either. I do love black, and I wore it as a size 9, too, so I continue to wear it. I know it doesn't 'hide' my big bottom, but it does help me to feel 'less' out there, if you get what I mean. I always do my hair and wear makeup, and I love earrings so I splurge on a great pair whenever I can. But the only clothes I really love buying for myself are socks!! They always fit! I just hate getting in that dressing room, and I'm not going to pretend it doesn't matter. It does and it depresses me every time. People tell me all the time, " You have such a beautiful face", but you know, I see only FAT. Anyway, frustrations are part of life. If I didn't have the fat to feel overwhelmed with, I'm sure I'd have some other thing getting me down. Just don't worry about what others think, be the best that you can where ever you are, and smile. I work with lots of children in our church, and they love me and run to me, they don't 'see' what I think everyone else must be seeing in me. This is always a great enlightenment to me to realize that they 'see' the real me! Think of your friends and family that you love. Ask yourself, do you love or think of them any less because of what they look like physically? I'm sure the answer is NO. Well, then, don't wait to be thin to be happy and content. Look at yourself they way others that love you do.. you're beautiful NOW. Smile! -Christine;)

While on one hand I do agree with what everyone has said about not having to dress in baggy clothes and not look attractive just because of excess weight I do think that we shouldn't just dismiss being overweight or accept the excess weight. I don't beat myself up about how I look but I do use it as incentive to motivate myself to lose weight. I know that when I was thinner I looked better and felt better about myself. There is no reason not to dress nicely no matter what your weight but don't accept that you will always be overweight. It might be good emotionally but in the long run the closer you are to a 'normal' weight the better off you will be physically and emotionally.

Jen: I don't think any of us are dismissing the fact that we're overweight...hehe if we were, we wouldn't be here sweating, grunting, and even crying and whining everyday :-D We're just trying to give the grrl a lil bit of style and motivation on the journey... like I said, you do one thing to make yourself look and feel better, you usually want to go whole hog, and do as much as you can... (BTW, another suggestion, cute workout clothes :-D, what better motivation to get sweaty, than to be able to look good while you're doing it??)

Sherry,

I also agree with the idea of getting nice clothing to wear. I am also one who would wear what I would call cruddy stuff because a lot of times I really didn't feel worthy of spending the money on myself.

However, I have realized that when I wear better quality clothing, even if I don't have as many choices, I do look better. I have stopped just picking up any old thing and do shop with the idea of fit and comfort.

I don't think any of us are dismissing our weight problems. As a teacher I know that people can make unkind comments about almost everything. I actually heard a thin women once tell another thin woman that she looked anoerxic when I couldn't tell much difference between the two. Cruelty in our society certainly doesn't start or end with obesity. People who are insecure with themselves will always find something wrong with someone else in order to make themselves feel better. I will now get off my soapbox. Sometimes I get carried away!!!!

Elaine

284.5/280.5/199 first goal recommitted 2/17/2002 after horrendous appointment with kidney dr.

When I wear stretchy pants and baggy shirts to try and hide my weight, I feel worse. I eat more. I smile less. I just feel lousy.

When I wear clothes that actually fit me right, and compliment my curves, I feel good. I eat less and I smile more.

When my nails are painted, I have makeup on and my hair is done. I smile more. I eat less and I have a positive attitude.

I am not accepting my excess weight, I am being a woman. I am being me.

I may show more "skin" when I get to my goal. But I am as much now a woman as I will be then. I like to dress nice, wear makeup, have my nails polished, wear jewerly. That's just me. If I didn't do it, I may be much heavier. Not feeling attractive is a horrible depressant. I think we all know that.

I buy all of my clothes on sale. And most of the time, I wait for the clearance sales. I love clothes, addicted to them. But I don't always have the $. If you commit to only shop off the clearance racks, or sale racks, you'd be amazed at what you can find. Just takes a little bit more time. But is alot of fun.

Sometimes it's hard to feel attractive while being overweight. And while were not "accepting" our excess weight. We are accepting ourselves. And we are beautiful nomatter what our weight is. Let the world see that.