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Old 01-18-2008, 05:57 PM   #31  
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She's only hurting herself. It is hard to believe what some people will come up with.
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Old 01-18-2008, 06:05 PM   #32  
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For most of people, if not all, internet is the thing they lack the most. THE THING. It's magic! Fore some it is the BEAUTY they lost (or never had), for others is the YOUTH, or the LOVE.

For me is the social life I don't have. I'm in deep need to socialise. But in real life, I live in a forest and I don't even have a driving licence. I don't even have a friend to drink a coffee with...

What is it for you? For each of you?
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Old 01-18-2008, 06:11 PM   #33  
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Good point, Vek.

For me, the internet is CONFIDENCE. I wish i had it in real life, but I definitely don't.
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Old 01-18-2008, 06:32 PM   #34  
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I'm as honest here with you...as I am in my real life. Probably more so, in fact.

For me, it's about being able to be completely honest, without hurting the people in my "real life". I do hold back lots of the feelings I post here, because I know that seeing me hurt, will cause my IRL family/friends the pain of worrying about me.

I also find it amazingly helpful to be able to talk about relationship issues if I need to, because well....I don't want to fight, and don't feel that bringing up every little thing is good for my marriage. Nobody understands the relationship issues that being fat causes...like the people here!

There are people here, who I consider close friends...whether it's through the computer or not! The only reason we can't physically see each other is geographical, not because I have any kind of secrets. If I could meet up with some of you...I would do it in a heartbeat! I was SO happy to hear about Howie and Kimberly meeting up with Sarah and Lorraine....and was SO jealous I couldn't be there! There were some other meet up's too, I believe

So, yeah...you ladies know more about my deepest self than even my Hubby and my Mom, and my best friend, and my sister!


Linda

Last edited by famograham; 01-18-2008 at 06:33 PM.
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Old 01-18-2008, 06:35 PM   #35  
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For me - it's being able to talk endlessly about weight loss without boring the bejeebers out of my loved ones.
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Old 01-18-2008, 08:28 PM   #36  
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I do feel really bad for your friend. When it comes down to it she is really just cheating herself. Count me as one of the many people who lied to themselves for years. I was in denial and it only hurt me.

To answer your questions I don't think I would say anything. I would just continue to be supportive (which I know you are) and help her in way I can. It sounds like she really needs a friend like you around.
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Old 01-18-2008, 09:08 PM   #37  
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I know you responded already that you weren't going to say anything to her, but I just wanted to chime in on this thread.

I used to be a member of a pregnancy site when I was pregnant with my son (and after he was born), and you wouldn't believe the number of "fakes" we had there. There was one girl that had everyone believing that she was pregnant with twins, only to come back and claim that one of them died during delivery--all totally fake, as we later came to find out. But yeah, for over a year she had our hearts breaking for her, so we were quite upset to find out it was all a lie. Anyways.

The thing is, we never know what motivates these people, but I suspect it's a DEEP DESIRE for attention. It's sad that they feel they need to lie to get it, and I feel terrible for them.

As for your friend, I don't know if I would say anything or not. If she were a CLOSE friend, I most likely would. Just a casual friend...probably not.
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Old 01-18-2008, 09:45 PM   #38  
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Interesting thread. It really demonstrates how anonymous we can be on the internet. It also reminds me of the ******* (sp?) scandal, where the owner found pictures of Russian women in personal ads, and claimed them as her after pictures.
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Old 01-18-2008, 10:41 PM   #39  
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Trazey - I think you have made the right decision and including her in your walking group is a great idea. She has to be the one ready to make the changes in her life and calling her out is unlikely to motivate her and is more likely to cause more issues (which I would say she is already suffering enough). That said, if her "progress pics" motivate someone else, great; however, if she is giving out bad/unhealthy advice, I would recommend notifying a moderator on the site - not about her lying but about the advice.

Good luck!!
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Old 01-19-2008, 12:20 AM   #40  
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I've been on computer chats since the mid-80s, and this has been an issue periodically throughout. I think we all need to be careful, but it can and does happen everywhere.

Most likely she has her own issues she is dealing with, but I don't know that I agree that she's only hurting herself. Tammy mentioned the ******* scandal -- a woman who faked her weight loss and has convinced a lot of people to buy into her success. She made money by faking weight loss success on the internet.

I can forgive someone who fakes their identity in order to, perhaps, reclaim it. But, is your friend giving advice about her weight loss and success? It's one thing to have lived it and speak from experience, and another to merely imagine it. I would be very angry at someone who lied in such a way, even if they were hurting. That crosses a line.
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Old 01-19-2008, 07:22 PM   #41  
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Well, so many of you were interested enough to reply to my unpleasant situation, I thought I'd give you an update....

It's partially MY fault, I should have just ignored the website, but I went back and read some of the postings, and i'm FUMING mad now!!!! it takes a LOT to get me mad girls.... I was reading things like "oh I dropped 80 lbs. and don't have any stretch marks or loose skin" are you even KIDDING ME???? it's like, she's going out of her way to make everyone feel bad about their changing bodies or something..post after post is something about easy everything was for her and how everyone else must be doing something wrong, and that she's almost ready for bathing suit season and won't a 2 piece be nice??? UGH I want to hurl

as I said, i asked her to my walking club (before reading that garbage) and she called me today and said she can't do it, she's too busy, and i said something like 'maybe you should make time, bathing suit season is right around the corner' and HUNG UP!!!!!

I'm assuming that's one friend I won't be hearing from again?
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Old 01-19-2008, 08:33 PM   #42  
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Yikes, this is much worse than a case of "pretend" gone amok. It isn't far off from *******. She may not be profiting financially, but she's feeding on the pain she's causing others.

I have to admit that I would be very tempted to "out" her on the site. However, I don't know how mentally unbalanced the woman is, so I don't know what kind of repercusions doing so might have. Besides, even if confronted, she's likely to just invent a new identity and move on somewhere else (probably this time using someone else's photos rather than her own).

I sense that if you don't hear from her, again you will be lucky.
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Old 01-19-2008, 08:48 PM   #43  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trazey34 View Post
Well, so many of you were interested enough to reply to my unpleasant situation, I thought I'd give you an update....

It's partially MY fault, I should have just ignored the website, but I went back and read some of the postings, and i'm FUMING mad now!!!! it takes a LOT to get me mad girls.... I was reading things like "oh I dropped 80 lbs. and don't have any stretch marks or loose skin" are you even KIDDING ME???? it's like, she's going out of her way to make everyone feel bad about their changing bodies or something..post after post is something about easy everything was for her and how everyone else must be doing something wrong, and that she's almost ready for bathing suit season and won't a 2 piece be nice??? UGH I want to hurl

as I said, i asked her to my walking club (before reading that garbage) and she called me today and said she can't do it, she's too busy, and i said something like 'maybe you should make time, bathing suit season is right around the corner' and HUNG UP!!!!!

I'm assuming that's one friend I won't be hearing from again?
And so this makes me think you should call her out...she's going to cause people to think that they are doing something wrong since SHE doesn't have loose skin and since THEY are struggling and she didn't. Yeah, that would make me angry too. Grrrr....glad you said that to her when she called.
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Old 01-19-2008, 09:07 PM   #44  
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This is a bizarre story indeed! I am a very trusting person, but it does raise my caution flag. I have never hesitated to fully believe anyone's goal story on 3FC... it makes me wonder if there are any other imposters on here?

I agree with several other posters that she does have some sort of personality disorder to be behaving this way (not just the false pics but the claims of how 'easy' it all way... ugh!). Maybe borderline personality or something? She is in her own reality, for sure.
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Old 01-19-2008, 09:13 PM   #45  
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The only issue I would have with calling her out, is that this woman knows you in real life, and is going to know or suspect that it is you who outed her. If she is unstable, it's hard to predict whether she could be a threat to you or your family. Unfortunately, it has to be considered a very real possibility.

Whenever I hear someone say on-line how easy it was for them to lose weight with no effort and no side effects, I immediately am suspicious that they are lying, and/or probably going to try and sell me something. I have posted responses that say as much, but I was not concerned that the person would find me in real life either. Even so, I had a bad experience with someone I apparently offended online, and received disturbing hate emails from her for weeks. I would hate to think what that would have been like if the woman knew me in real life.
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