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Old 01-18-2008, 12:56 PM   #16  
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I would DEFINATELY say something... sometimes us fat people need a good 'ol SLAP IN THE FACE and to be like "Wake up FATTY!!! You're not fooling anyone, let alone yourself and your heart and your health! I found you on there--- is that what you do? Do you lie to yourself to feel better?"

I couldn't handle it. Either I'd say something or I would NEVER speak to her again about weight loss b/c she's a phony and a loser.
Really, really harsh. She's a loser because she feels so badly about herself that she lies to strangers?

I'd be careful about throwing around the word loser. There are a lot of people out there who think anybody who lets themselves get to 300 pounds is a loser. They'd be no more right about you than you are about this total stranger you're judging.
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Old 01-18-2008, 01:00 PM   #17  
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Yes, I think anyone who has to lie to people to make themselves feel better is a loser. Yep, I'm a loser and have no self control and let myself get as heavy as I did. You're right. I think the label loser definitely applies. So I use it as I see fit. But at least I'm a loser who owns up to my mistakes and doesn't try to make friends or online buddies based on a lie.
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Old 01-18-2008, 01:24 PM   #18  
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Yes, I think anyone who has to lie to people to make themselves feel better is a loser. Yep, I'm a loser and have no self control and let myself get as heavy as I did. You're right. I think the label loser definitely applies. So I use it as I see fit. But at least I'm a loser who owns up to my mistakes and doesn't try to make friends or online buddies based on a lie.
Well, I certainly wouldn't label myself a loser. :/
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Old 01-18-2008, 01:28 PM   #19  
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Well, I am a loser then, because worse than lying to other people, I lied to myself. That's how I got to over 300 lbs. I was in denial. I lied to myself about how bad things really were, how unhealthy I was, and what other people saw when they looked at me.

I am so very sad for this woman. It is incredibly, incredibly sad that she created this fantasy life. I can't imagine how low this woman must feel to do such a thing. I know I have felt bad about myself and done harmful things, like eating thousands of calories more than I needed, but I have not gone as far as her. But I cannot possibly stand in judgement of her because I have fought my own demons. Thank goodness there were people in my life who loved and supported me at any size and did not judge me for lying to myself.

----
Trazey, I would not say anything to her. What good what it do? She has to come to want change on her own. However, I would file this away to remember where she is right now in her life, and make sure that you have appropriate boundaries in any area that might intersect with her issues.

Last edited by BattleAx; 01-18-2008 at 01:29 PM.
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Old 01-18-2008, 01:36 PM   #20  
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That's a really tough situation!
BUT, I also wouldn't say anything. It is plainly obvious that your friend feels absolutely terrible about herself. To call her out like that would most likely be incredibly painful!
EVERY time I've gained all my weight back, I have lied to myself on a daily basis...making myself believe that I was maintaining. I'd just stay off the scale, and I could KEEP the confidence I had gained from losing the weight in the first place.
She is fully aware of what she is doing and doesn't need anybody else beating up on her for it. She probably feels terrible!

I can't imagine doing that myself...because I'm an absolute open book, and I'm as honest as I can possibly be, both in real life, and here with you...my friends. But she may just feel SO alone, and SO much a failure..that she really needs to hear something positive about herself.

I wouldn't judge anyone, unless I knew what it was like to dislike myself THAT much!

Sending for you, Trazey...and for your friend too
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Old 01-18-2008, 01:50 PM   #21  
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Trazey, I've found myself in a similar situation for a few years now because I have an acquaintance in Real Life who has created an alternative personality on the Internet. It's not a diet and weight loss fantasy, but there certainly are parallels.

This person goes to my gym and is quite overweight. He's intimidated by weight lifting and spends all his gym time doing cardio. Yet he joined a bodybuilding web site and pretends that he works out just like the Big Boys. He spins elaborate (and totally false) tales of his expertise and achievements. He brags to me at the gym (when I can't avoid him!) about this site but doesn't realize that I went and checked up on him there and discovered his lies.

Sure, I could join that site as a member and "out" him in about three seconds. But I only feel pity for someone who's life is so sad that he has to lie about himself to feel accepted. He's so emotionally unstable that I'm afraid something terrible would happen if I confronted him. So I keep it to myself.

The bigger lesson for us all to learn is that a great deal of what we read on the Internet is not as it seems. We've even had similar situations here at 3FC in the past, believe it or not. We all need to develop a healthy sense of skepticism -- as with every else in the diet world, if it seems too good to be true, it usually is.

But for the record! My pictures and story are 100% true and Suzanne and Jennifer 3FC (among others) have actually meet me, so at least *I* really exist!
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Old 01-18-2008, 02:07 PM   #22  
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Ok, she's a poor sad woman looking for strangers to make her feel better about herself. Pretty sad but I wouldn't say anything; she's got enough problems without piling on more.

But Trazey, since we're all about honesty and accountability here, did you really just come across her "browsing around" or did you go looking for her out of curiosity? No fudging if you're going to question her honesty.

(By the way, I totally would have gone looking for her. It's why I don't tell "real" people I'm here.)
oh sorry! no i didn't mean it to sound like i found her completely by accident! I DID look for her - i searched my town, and it was easy to find - but I wasn't looking to "catch" her at anything, i didn't think there WAS anything to be caught if you get me LOL, i was going to send her a message and surprise her!

after thinking for a while, i decided to leave it alone, i don't want to embarass her and it's not like she's my closest friend or anything, just a pal. I'm going to ask her if she wants to join my walking club tho might help.

thanks for all the good advice guys!
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Old 01-18-2008, 02:10 PM   #23  
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I'm proud to call myself a loser! A loser of weight, that is!
Now, I'd better go and check if I'm real or not. I'll let you guys know!
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Old 01-18-2008, 02:15 PM   #24  
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I'm proud to call myself a loser! A loser of weight, that is!
Now, I'd better go and check if I'm real or not. I'll let you guys know!
Me, too! I'm gonna be a Big Loser!
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Old 01-18-2008, 02:19 PM   #25  
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I would DEFINATELY say something... sometimes us fat people need a good 'ol SLAP IN THE FACE and to be like "Wake up FATTY!!! You're not fooling anyone, let alone yourself and your heart and your health! I found you on there--- is that what you do? Do you lie to yourself to feel better?"

I couldn't handle it. Either I'd say something or I would NEVER speak to her again about weight loss b/c she's a phony and a loser.
I agree this seems a bit harsh. Not just the loser comment, but just the whole "attack" mode. It has been my experience that we don't start to become healthy because someone gave us a "a good 'ol SLAP IN THE FACE". I know that certainly wouldn't motivate me.

I also do not consider myself a loser.

Trazey - I think you have to decide a couple of things. First, how much does this friendship mean to you? If you did ask her about it, she might be so embarrassed that she may choose to stay away. 2nd is can you live with not saying anything? I am very staright forward and honest and I am not very good about just letting things go, so most of the time I will say something. I think it really depends on how good of a friend she is and how often you see her.

You can approach her in a way that isn't aggressive, but in a kind, wondering why you did that mode.

If nothing else you have learned what your friend is capable of. It always surprises me when I find out people lie. I am very naive in that manner. Or at least I used to be.

Last edited by Sandi; 01-18-2008 at 02:21 PM.
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Old 01-18-2008, 02:25 PM   #26  
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Wow, Trazey. I'm feeling really bad for your friend.

Maybe she's planning to join 3FC once she's ready to begin her weight loss journey, but just to test the waters (to make sure that people really are as supportive as you say) she had to give it a "trial run" on the other site? Either way, I wouldn't say anything. I'm sure she would be embarrassed about it, and that may cause her a setback in getting started on losing the weight. We'll be ready for her here, once she's ready to come around.
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Old 01-18-2008, 02:53 PM   #27  
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Holy moly,

I think it would be wise to NOT say anything at all.
An imposter among them, truly a SHOCKER! Well, not really, some people can and will do anything for whatever reason and seriously I am certain she is NOT the only one to falsify there storyline or pictures. Im sorry to say I've seen someone actually post somebody elses pictures, but they insisted it was them, can you believe that one? Yup, true story until somebody caught her in the act, she still denies it and the person who's pictures they actually were of, caught her using them on another forum. Now that is gutsy, so to all the picture posters, you really outta put writing all over your pictures so nobody can do the same to you, property of________.

And for the RECORD, I am the real deal, even if I am an EVIL WOMAN! ha ha ha
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Old 01-18-2008, 04:29 PM   #28  
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Ugh! I'm very sorry for your friend. This reminds me so much of the triplet connection (a website for families of triplets or more) and there are always imposters pretending to be pregnant with triplets or pretending to have triplets, usually by stealing other families photos off the web.

It's sad. But it is a statement of the online world. You just never really know.

Take care,
Ginger
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Old 01-18-2008, 05:40 PM   #29  
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Many people use the internet to live a fantasy life. Some do it in healthy ways, or at least more honest ways, like playing role playing games like WOW (World of Warcraft - fantasy game where people play fantasy characters - my hubby is hooked) or SIMS (a simulated neighborhood) where everyone knows (for the most part) that people are playing a role. Although even there, the boundaries can get blurry. My husband plays WOW and has characters of both genders, various races, and both "good" and "evil." His favorite character is a female "blood elf," and he is often being hit on by gamers who think he is "really" a woman. Some get quite upset when they find out he's not who he is pretending to be (and he points out there are no real "blood elfs" male or female, and that everyone in the game is pretending to be someone they're not).

It's hard to know if this woman is dishonest in "real" life. Likewise, wehter she is or is not someone who has difficulty separating fantasy from reality. Is it a harmless diversion, or a pathological condition? A lot depends on what she does with her "pretend" persona on line. Is she just accepting a bunch of unearned praise, or is she shelling out worthless or even dangerous advise? Is she profiting financially from it (like *******)?

It is important to remember that there are a lot of people online, even here who are not exactly who they claim to be. In fact, many people, if not most are different online than in person, without even realizing it. It makes some people braver. Some people more expressive or more social. In a sense it is all "virtual reality," which means "almost, but not quite" reality. For some people who are extremely private in "real" life, it may be "uber" reality, a chance to be more honest than they otherwise would, but the fact still is it's a "different" reality.

To quote the title character of House "people lie." The problem is that we often, perhaps even usually cannot tell when people do, especially when we do not have body language or facial expression as a clue. In an online environment, you have to at least consider the possibility that a person is not who they say they are, but the fact is that even in real life, it pays to be aware that it can happen. "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst."
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Old 01-18-2008, 05:51 PM   #30  
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ok i might be evil but i would sign up on that website with a user name she cant recognise look at the properties of the pictures and try to find something that shows the dates and then point it out she wont know its you and you will get some satifaction.. you could even just say hey these photos dont look right you can clearly see you are younger it that photo you are a liar, see what happens.. hey give me the website ill do it for you lol..

She obviously has some mental problem if she cant be honest with herself.. I have had friends that lie and all it does is drag you down. if you confront them they turn it around on you .. its not worth it let her rot in her fat and stay on yoru own path.. i have no time for poeple who lie and decieve for attention.

im not actually a mean person but this stuff really get under my skin.. My sister lies constantly and has put my parents through 13 years of pain and heart ache.. i dont tolerate it at all
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