Thanks girls,
I feel like I have all these awful days more often than I should. Just when I start like things are settling and I'm starting to get ahead of the game, something awful happens, I total a car, my plumbing needs to be replaced, I get my cancer back...Sometimes I just wonder if it will ever end.

For now I've decided that I'm going to take out my frustrations at the gym, at least for today.... though I did have some peanut m n m's ... not the end of the world. We say all the time that there are so many things that we can't control but this is one thing that I can. I feel so out of control right now... so much is out of my hands and all I can do is wait and ride it out and see what happens... but I have this one thing and I can make the choice and control what I eat and I can go work out and I can start to build some solid ground with that. I'm trying to keep a strong grip on that small corner of sanity. If i give up and give into it now I may as well give up and give into everything else and that just isn't an option. Also, in the long run the better condition my body is in the better it will be at kicking some cancer butt.

In the meantime, I've got a hair appointment scheduled for Saturday so that will be nice....and if the finances permit then after that I'm going for a mani-pedi as just a nice thing to do. The boy and I are planning some low key time this weekend which will be nice...at least he's not scared yet.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I'm tough, I know I'll get through this again. I just need to get a firm grip.

Don't know what to say. Thinking of you. Feel free to vent at us anytime you like.

You ARE tough! You've proved it before, and you're proving it right now. Good for you for having a plan on how to handle this.

Sending healing thoughts from the NW to you in the NE. :hug:

NE I'm so sorry you're going through all of this again. As a person whose fighting MS I want to encourage you NOT to turn to food. When you kick this cancer's butt again the comfort food would only bring you down. It aint worth it and you deserve better! :hug:

Just ask God to be with you and believe in him

Sending lots of prayers and hugs your way...

You know, "it's always darkest before the dawn." I bet you are going to have an amazing dawn! Hang in there!:hug:

I can relate....when my current relationship was brand-new, as in, first month and a half of dating, we went through the "trial by fire," as I like to call it.

Illegitimate baby, grandmother diagnosed and then dying of cancer, got kicked out of the house, lost my best friend...all within a month's time.

You'll make it through. If he's worth it, he'll make it through with you. I can't say it doesn't hurt, or it'll stop hurting anytime soon, or that you won't breakdown more than once....but if you can just keep on going, you'll find that one day it won't be as hard to get out of bed as it used to be. You'll find you enjoy the wind on your face, the rain on the window, the sun in the sky.

I can relate to the "if I can just cry it out tonight, then I can be tough again tomorrow," as well. When my grandmother passed away, I ended up being the one to take care of my parents as well as my younger siblings. I'm only 22, but they've always turned to me as the big sister to be the rock and support when times get tough. My mom completely broke down....so I was the one keeping the everyday life going. My dad....well, my dad threw himself into his work and took clothes to the hospital for my mom to change into.

All I can really promise is that it does get better.

I'm here if you wanna talk/message.

Speedy recovery to you. You've licked it before and you'll do it again. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers, hun. Sending you a big hug. :hug:

You've beat it once... You can do it again! You're strong and determined...
Things I know first hand:

It is devastating to get the... "It's back..." (Nov. 20th, 2003)

It sucks to hear "Surgery will be on XXXX..." (Oct. 2004)

It is even worse if you hear "So we've evaluated your progress and we are going to try XXXX next..." (heard this so many times it isn't worth trying to date)

But they best day of your life is when your specialist tells you they never want to see you again and you can go back to a standard physical. (Jan. 26th, 2007)

Yes the dates, and treatments are 4 letter words (no matter how many letters they have) and yes it is scary as ****... But hunny you are so strong and can get past this.

As for the new relationship:

I was sent back 8 months before meeting my sweetie. I didn't fill him in at first. I finally did and he was there for my appointment even though we'd only been together for a few months. Then came the time for me to be stuck with a 4-6 week surgical recovery... He was supportive and caring even if he was scared out if his mind.

If yours is the one for you then he will be there... And if he gets skittish for a few minutes then go easy on him. It is some scary **** for us... I can't imagine feeling as helpless as they do.

:hug:

I look forward to your all clear date. It may take a couple years but it will come!

:hug: I am so sorry that you have to go through that again..... You are in my prayers... :hug:

:hug: What a horrible day, Sunshine. I can't offer any advice, but I am thinking of you.

Leaves more :hug:

Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry to hear of this. But you are one tough chickie, one with the right attitude and gosh, that's worth SO much. You ARE strong enough to beat this, and beat this you will.

I wish you a full and speedy recovery. You will be in my thoughts, often. :hug:

:hug: I am sorry you are having to go through this again. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I can't offer great advice to you with what you are going through right now, but I feel for you and you are in my thoughts. Stay strong, and come to the forums often for all the support you may need.