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Old 09-25-2007, 11:25 AM   #16
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I really have nothing to add either, because everyone has given you good advice and I can't possibly know what you're going through. I just know that I'm sorry you have to go through it! I'd definitely take the advice about meeting him at a neutral location for him to see your daughter, and he should never EVER be on your computer or anything else of yours again!

I'm really proud of you for coming here to get support for this instead of looking for comfort in food. I think that's a HUGE step, and one that's really difficult to make, especially in as stressful a situation as you have going on. I don't know if I could be that strong -- I think you're amazing!
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Old 09-25-2007, 11:54 AM   #17
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Marseille,
May I make some comments?
- What a fantastic discovery that you've allowed someone to steal your peace.
- Excellent emotional decision making! You identified a trigger, and dealt with the emotional issue rather than distracting yourself with food.
- Phenomenal idea using a drop off point that doesn't require interaction with this individual.

Some reflections from my personal life that you may find useful (or not):
- I found myself in situations where other people were "controlling;" I understood that I chose to give away control. I chose to allow another person access to things/actions that felt personnally intrusive to me.
- I realized that by these and other actions (eating an unhealthy diet) I didn't provide myself the same respect that I would provide a complete stranger. Knowing a complete stranger was trying to lose weight, I wouldn't encourage her to eat chips, burgers, or anything else unhealthy. I would never encourage a complete stranger to give away control of her life, rather I would encourage her to protect herself and her loved ones, to remember when she was happy, and to chose to make a joyful life for herself.

I wish you the best as you make wonderful, life changing choices in your life.
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Old 09-25-2007, 12:20 PM   #18
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Marseille, I agree with shy cammie, congrats on being able to identify that he causes you stress and that you have come here instead of emotional eating.

My sister was in this perdicament awhile back (domestic violence) so I would pick up my nieces and meet the Ex at a park or something and then would do the picking up. My sister was referred to a service that actually does this also so that you don't even need to deal with him.

I know it can be scary but hang in there
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Old 09-25-2007, 03:56 PM   #19
if only she'd lose weight
 
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This is not about you & him anymore, it should be about your daughter.

He has no right to use your phone OR computer. He is not at your home for that purpose. He is there to spend time with his daughter. And if he argues, so what? It's YOUR property, end of discussion.

My best friend's ex used to come for his visitation & she would notice that her bottles of rum and vodka would be slowly disappearing. The court granted him supervised visitationafter that. Maybe the court could help you out with this matter?
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Old 09-25-2007, 05:27 PM   #20
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Yes, I agree Make him meet you in public, dont allow him to do any of it. You are in control. Not him.
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