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Old 09-17-2007, 06:53 PM   #1  
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Default Out of control, and very surprised by it (very long)

I've alluded to my struggles in other posts, and the weigh-in thread is where it all hangs out there. So, I wanted to just post a new thread and do some whining and theorizing and some general crying for help.

CC and Sheila both responded to other posts that I have made with encouraging words, and I started crying. So, I guess I'm feeling a little emotional on top of everything else. Others have also been very encouraging, especially on the Accountability thread. I thought that I could nip it in the bud last week, but it somehow eluded me. So, another new day and another plan. Hopefully, this one will work. If not, I'll find another one that will.

Step One - Acknowledge that I have made choices - and many of them - that have hurt my goals, my health, and my general feeling of well-being. I did not choose to eat the chips because I am unable to resist the lure of greasy, relatively tasteless food that makes me sick to my stomach. I would never seek out potato chips, especially plain ones. I ate them because they were there and because I was mad that my husband brought them home and mad that he was eating them when I couldn't and I wanted to punish him for "sabotaging" me. Then, when we decided to watch a family movie and he sent the kids to the store for treats, and they came home with cookies and movie-theater butter popcorn, I was mad at them for the same things that I had previously been mad at my husband. I have fought hard to abandon the mindset that anyone else is responsible for my feelings or needs, yet I embraced it readily this weekend so that I could play the victim. Why? I didn't enjoy the role when I had it.

Step Two - Recognize that it will never be easy to make the choices that I need to make. There are some higher-calorie foods that I enjoy, and I sometimes feel like eating until I can no longer force anything more down my throat. This will NEVER go away. When I am doing well and I have inertia on my side, it is easier to make those choices. When difficult things happen or I have been perfectly angelic about my plan, I will find it more difficult to make good choices.

Step Three - I need to keep in mind that the good parts about weight loss completely trump the bad parts. Am I sad that I can't eat a pint of ice cream? Not really. I've never enjoyed the queasy feeling that gives me, and I've never enjoyed the feeling that I have no control over my food choices. Am I jealous of people who lose weight more easily than I do or who can make bad choices without any noticeable repercussion? Probably, though I recognize that it's ridiculous that I am. No one has everything, and I can't see their challenges, so it's incredibly childish and short-sighted to be jealous of them. Besides, the thin woman on my son's baseball team who eats without stopping at the games might only eat that one time all day. I don't know, and it's certainly not any of my business. On the other hand, the feeling of better health, a stronger body, the ability to run faster and farther than I ever remember being able to run, fitting into clothes that I thought I would never be able to wear, the improvement in the way I'm treated by strangers - all of these are things that I want and deserve.

Step Four - Just do it. I have been doing well today, but my body is still reeling from poor choices I made on Saturday. I exercised hard this morning, but I still felt the "hang-over" from my poor food choices. I am having a far more difficult time feeling full on the meals that used to make me satisfied. I desperately want to get back to "normal." And I'm actually quite thrilled that "normal" for me is on plan, making healthy choices. I know that after only one or two days, I will start to feel immensely better. I can endure the pain of two or three days of difficulty making good choices for the rewards that being on plan offers. I am also making a meal plan and shopping for the ingredients later today. Then, tonight, I will go for a walk/run for as long as I want, and if it means my husband has to deal with a child who wakes up and demands attention, it's a price that I'm willing to pay.

Step Five - Recruit help. I have done this to some extent. I am done playing the victim, and I have made sure to communicate to my husband and children what I need from them. Now, I have to follow that up. For example - if my husband buys chips, I need to leave the house while he eats them and ask him to remove the leftovers from sight.

Step Six - I will continue reporting to the Accountability Thread and checking in with 3FC every day. If something is not working and I am having difficulty, I will revisit the plan immediately and take advantage of the accumulated wisdom on this board. I need to fix this - now - so that this is only a bump on the road.

So, that's it. I feel like I've made a very positive step that could put me back on the right path by writing and posting this. But I will NOT take anything for granted. I will work to be vigilant every hour, and will not let anything slide. Like Lisa and Robin both posted in other threads, I will recognize that I have to be absolutely strict for at least the next few weeks. I am beginning again, and I have to treat this like I treated it in the beginning.

Sorry so long. I know I can do this. Now I just have to actually do it.

Last edited by LaurieDawn; 09-17-2007 at 06:57 PM.
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Old 09-17-2007, 06:59 PM   #2  
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I am sorry you have had such a struggle with this. I understand about the husband bringing home something and then eating it because you are angry at him for bringing junk in the house. I think your post was great, and you have made some great steps. I know you can do it!!!! and all these great people here are always here for you.
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Old 09-17-2007, 07:52 PM   #3  
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LaurieDawn. That was quite the post. You articulated your thoughts so well. And yup, they're thoughts I have definitely had. And I'm sure I'll have them again.

I really find that my strength with resisting temptation doesn't stay constant. There are times when I feel soooo strong and my very favorite homemade cookie won't bother me in the least. Then there are times when my least favorite cookie or whatever, is lying around and it's absolutely screaming my name. I suspect I will always have that up and down feeling. I think now, though, I am getting fairly confident that though there are times I may mess up, it doesn't have to STAY that way. That I will no longer have months and months (or years and years) on end of bad eating behavior (although I'll certainly feel A LOT more confident when I've got a few YEARS under my belt). I think you will get to this point as well. In fact, I think you're already there. You've come too far, you already see the benefits of a healthy lifestyle.

Sometimes you've just got to go back to "dieting one oh one" as I like to call it. EXACTLY like you said, go back to the beginning. Rid the house of all the junk (sorry kids, sorry DH), journaling, being very restrictive and so on. I suspect we'll all have to do this from time to time.

And that post of yours - it was quite the beginning . You're going to be just fine, I absolutely know it. You're going to have this thing turned around in no time.

Last edited by rockinrobin; 09-17-2007 at 08:20 PM.
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Old 09-17-2007, 07:55 PM   #4  
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Awwww we all go through this! I have days that I am on top of the world, and somedays I just feel like eating everything in sight! The good news is, it sounds like you have a good understanding of what you need to do to get back on track, and that's huge. Atleast you know what needs to be fixed!
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Old 09-17-2007, 08:05 PM   #5  
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Congratulations on getting a plan in place! We've all struggled (or are currently struggling!) at one time or another. That's the great thing about this forum - we all have a place to come to for support - support in keeping OP and support in getting back on track when we slip up!

Last edited by melsfolly; 09-17-2007 at 08:06 PM.
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Old 09-17-2007, 08:44 PM   #6  
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I can relate. I think I'm struggling just a bit because I'm not really that unhappy with where I am. That's why I set a Christmas goal to no longer be obese and I'm working at that pretty hard. I feel so much better at this weight than I did 60 pounds ago, it just doesn't feel as urgent. I guess I've been practicing maintenance before I'm at maintaining weight. It's nice to know I won't just gain it all back, but I really need to kick it in the butt and get this little project finished. Maintain the goal.

I'm sorry for everyone who fights their DH with this and I am grateful that mine is on the same path. He does go for the junk food once in a while - and he can eat more of it than I can without damage - but he's careful to keep it to himself. If I'm going to binge it's on my own.
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Old 09-17-2007, 09:29 PM   #7  
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That was a great post, Laurie. It's sooo helpful sometmes to lay it all out on the table and decide what you need to do to be successful. Your plan sounds excellent! And attainable. You did a great job of identifying the areas to work on. I hope your family was supportive when you told them what you need from them! We ALL have a problem with food here. We wouldn't be here if we didn't. So it's not reasonable to be expected to live in your own home surrounded by the very things that got you here in the first place. Dealing with that temptation is tough enough in the real world without having a safe zone somewhere in your life.

Anyway, I'm here for you, as is everyone else. The bright side of recommitting now is that you didn't do what so many of us have done - waited until we gained it back before recommitting. You are stopping a potential backslide in it's tracks!

Take care,

P.S. - I'm sorry I made you cry! Unless that was what you needed. A good cry often helps me realize what's important.
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Old 09-17-2007, 11:08 PM   #8  
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Great post!

I find it really helps me to reflect about these issues (and I have had several of the issues you mention pop up). The journey might look physical, but so much of it is in your head!

Good luck!
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Old 09-17-2007, 11:13 PM   #9  
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Wonderful post, sweetie. My advice? Print it out so you can refer to it ANY time you're feeling the need.
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Old 09-18-2007, 07:57 AM   #10  
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Originally Posted by LaurieDawn View Post
When difficult things happen or I have been perfectly angelic about my plan, I will find it more difficult to make good choices.

Step Four - Just do it.

Step Six - I will continue reporting to the Accountability Thread and checking in with 3FC every day. If something is not working and I am having difficulty, I will revisit the plan immediately and take advantage of the accumulated wisdom on this board. I need to fix this - now - so that this is only a bump on the road.
LaurieDawn, I'm so excited that you are re-committing and not quitting. It is sometimes more difficult to make good is constantly throwing obstacles in our way and our first instinct is to make ourselves feel better with food. Sometimes, we do have to make the decision to just do matter how we're feeling, what special event is coming up, if the scales are stuck, etc. And, the wisdom and support on this board is amazing, isnt it? I'm looking forward to continuing on this journey with you.

PS. One other thing...about our families. As mothers, we are used to putting everyone else's needs before our own. But, you have needs too! Its okay to put yourself first on this more junk in the house! Really, Hubby and the kids don't need much of that stuff either...if they want a treat, they can go out and get one. It is so much easier to stay on-plan when your home is a temptation safe zone. And, your family benefits from a healthier happier Mom/Wife.

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Old 09-18-2007, 08:42 AM   #11  
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WOW, that is a great post, I wish I could be that articulate sometimes! I agree with Rhonda too, you HAVE to put yourself first sometimes. I know I got the size I did because I was always last on the list. NEVER again.
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Old 09-18-2007, 11:57 AM   #12  
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LaurieDawn, what a well thought out post! You really have a plan that can work, plus I love the attitude about "If not, I'll find another one that will." That's true commitment!
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Old 09-18-2007, 12:48 PM   #13  
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This is fantastic! What a great way to put these thoughts and fears right out there, confront them, and then confidently push them aside and move forward.

I get the crying.. when I first found this site I bawled my head off reading the posts even though they weren't for me and that's how I knew this site was going to help!
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Old 09-18-2007, 01:09 PM   #14  
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Let me throw in my support for you too! I understand having to recommit and then getting so frustrated for losing the commitment in the first place! But you have a good start going and you'll do great! Hang in there, buddy!
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Old 09-18-2007, 01:09 PM   #15  
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Great post!!!! I feel inspired by your committment. I am so glad that we are all here to support each other!

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