Hello everyone.

A few days ago I've returned to this forum, perhaps 3rd time is the charm. I've looked through various threads, but did not find one for single gals.
I am currently single and finding that weight has played a significant role in this.
May be this thread can become a place for singles where we talk about our concerns and worries, goals and successes. Certainly I would like to welcome married ladies and gentelmen. I am glad to hear any advice, and will be very thankful for any support I can get.

Hi Cbeta!

You've come to a good place! We've got all categories of folks here at the 100lb Club. Single, married, female, male, some with more than 100 pounds to lose and some with less. It's a fantastic group of very supportive individuals and I'm sure you'll find a lot of great information and friendship here.

I am also single girl, 35, and agree that weight issues and dating can be a very tricky combination!

Anyway, post often and I hope to see you around the boards!

A little bit about me:

No, no I am not suicidal or anyting like that, but lately I've noticed that I am dying alive. The fun outgoing me, finds relaxation in staying alone in a dark room, just because I am lazy and don't want to face potential challenging situations.
I was born in another country and occasionally I do make mistakes when I talk, hopefully you can still understand me :-) I've lived in the states for the last 14 years. I have an intresting job, and currently working on Masters Degree, which is offered through work, hence no classes and homework. I enjoy(ed) socializing, hanging out, and helping out friends. Lately, I noticed that majority of them are married and may be prefer to spend time in groups. They still invite me but at times I feel out of place.
I've been setup on dates many times, but it is the usual, they like me on the phone, but during the date, either my weight scares them off, or I act as if I am interviewing the guy. I honestly cannot say I liked any of the guys I've gone on a blind date with, and recently I've reached my lowest. I was asked on a date by someone who turned out to an alcoholic. Sad but true. I have nothing against him, but I think I have many of my own problems to fix, and no time/desire to fix his (not say that I am certain he realizes the problem, or wants to fix it)
My first attempt at loosing weight began with visits to the gym, my friends encouraged me and invited to go with. But when I moved 30miles away, I quickly stopped going as the gym nearby was 20min drive. Roughly a year later they built a new gym just minutes away from me, and recommitted myself. I found 3fc, and began posting in the 21 day challenge. It was really working for me, and lost 40 pounds, but twisted my knee. Even after the injury determined I went to the gym and did excecises with no impact on the knees. I was successfull, and then I decided to something weird. My body protested, but I started feeding myself, stopped going to the gym even if I felt guilty about not going. Not sure why that happened, but at first I maintained for 6months. Following that maintenance I started gaining, and a few months back tried to make a come back. But come back did not happened.
I am worried about myself, I am turning the round number this year. I've never been married, and at this rate may never do so. I am scared of gaining more, and not being to act on this recommitment.

I just read the thread about staying on the plan today, so here it goes:
My first plan for tomorrow is to either toss or give away bad food (I did some of the tossing earlier last week) and plan/buy food for next week. I will begin by 3 days of excersice. First one will tomorrow, I will go for a swim at the gym or at my friends' pool.

Wow this was so quick. Thank you very much. I am glad to be here among very supportive people.
Tell about yourself a little bit if you do not mind?

p.s. mistakes in english are usually related to skipping letters or whole words when I type.

Hi CBETA,
I am married, but just wanted to stop and say Welcome !!!
I understand about the dating scene, but I really think a good man would love a women no matter what size, but at the same time I remember when I met my husband, I was drawn towards him, because he is from another country , and didn't mind that I was a size 12 and the american men ( it seemed to me) all wanted the size 2 , blonde hair girl. With all that said, I do think men are out there, it is very hard but you are young, and before you know it you may find someone .
Weight loss is a great journey, I am sure you will learn many things along the way, and who knows you may find mr. right too? .
Cheryl

Hi girls!

I'm a 37 yr old single woman, francophone from Quebec, Canada. I agree that weight makes it harder to date but it's not impossible. I've had many dates in the past year (more than I ever did!!!) but the thing is, the majority of men I met on the internet were not interested in a long term relationship...just short time fun (even though I mentionned on my profile that I wanted a serious relationship). I understand now what it means when the guy says "I want to take it slow", "my philosophy is to enjoy the moment", "I'm just looking for a friend right now but who knows what the future brings?". Grrrrr!!!!!!

That being said, I have friends (skinny friends) who have the same problem...they meet guys who just don't want to commit. I don't mean to do some male bashing here because I also know that there are some men out there who want to be in a relationship...just tell me where they are!!! lol As I said before, I don't think it's impossible to date if you're a bbw (big beautiful woman) but I believe you have more candidates to choose from when you don't have a weight problem.

By the way, thanks Cbeta for this great thread!

Welcome! This is a fantastic place to get and give support!

Hi CBETA,

I am married but weight definitely played an issue when I was dating. I am mostly an introvert, I weighed over 300 lbs for most of my life and I felt like crap about myself. I wasn't very outgoing nor did I think men would actually be interested in dating me. When I was in college (I weighed 330 or so), I would date guys, even for longer than a year, but if they tried to get too close to me emotionally, I'd break up with them. I had some major self esteem issues due to my weight.

I didn't date much between college until my late 20s but near my highest weight, I started dating a friend of mine and well that didn't work out well. I tried dating guys that were friends of friends after that and that didn't work out well. My weight was never a direct factor but rather self esteem issues due to my weight. I tried working hard on those issues.

I decided that I needed to feel good about myself no matter what. I told myself that I didn't really deserve the low self esteem that I had for myself. I lost some weight, was in the 290s when I realized I was falling for a long time friend who was also interested in me. We started dating and it was the best relationship I've ever had We got engaged a year after dating and married 6 months after that. We have now been together for a little over 2 years.

Your English looks perfect to me -- I was the one with the typo in my post .

About myself... Let's see, I'm 35, turn 36 in December. My dating life has been a disaster. I'm very outgoing with my friends, but not so much with strangers that I feel could turn into dates. I went to an all girls high school, which didn't help with my social development with boys. By the time I got to college, I ended up with lots of friends that were guys, but no boyfriends. I started to really gain weight after college (though I wasn't thin in college). At work it never seemed like a smart thing to do to be interested in the men there, plus none seemed to be interested in me other than as a good friend. I got down to 166 lbs. in 2000-2001 and felt and looked great, but gained it back due to stress eating. As a thin person (the thinnest I had ever been as an adult) I was saddened and a little surprised by the attention I got based on how I looked. Men were flirting with me and friends all of a sudden had male friends they wanted to set me up with -- I wondered why they never bothered before (obviously, I was fat, but they were my friends ). I'm tall too, which I think can be intimidating or not appealing to many men. Tall and thin, yes. Tall and fat, no.

In my free time, I am a hermit, which is a habit I'm trying to break. I recently started therapy and medication for depression, which has been wonderful for me. I'm happy again and I have the energy to do things that had become overwhelming to me. I feel like I'm in a great place to try losing the weight again and this time I know what I did wrong last time. I would love to be married and have children, but my self-esteem has been very low and kept me from putting myself out there in the dating world. I now worry that I have waited too long and wasted too much time. I tell myself that I have a lot of life left to live, but I'm sad at how I let my 20's and half of my 30's get away from me without really living. So I keep telling all the single women here that I younger than I am to deal with this weight issue now and move on! Don't waste any more time! I wish I could change the past, but I can't. So now I'm just working on looking forward to the future. And this site has been SOOO helpful for me. I hope it will for you too this time!

Gosh, what a depressing post I've just written! Really, I'm not generally this much of a downer!

Girls, thank you for welcoming me. You all are so inspirational.
I am on my way out to that grocery store now. I am not sure if I will get more computer time today, but I will be sure to write tomorrow.
C.

Hi Lalique,
I hear that it is so hard, my first attempt years ago, was exactly that – prove to everyone that it cannot be done: weight will not come off and even right food intake would not help. My friends challenged me, and I began to see the opposite. Yet they were “in charge” challenging me, and so as I moved 30 miles away for work, I easily gave up on things that were working.
But I must tell you, loosing weight is never too late. My mom who was thin her life, after moving to the states gained lots of weight and left onederland. A few years ago, as I was starting that challenge she decided to try herself. She stuck to it, and in 6 months (she did go at it very intensively) she lost over 60 pounds, now 2.5 years after she looks and feels great.
I know I might sound like a cliché but you are young. Don’t hide yourself, that’s the only way to know what you like and meet that guy. I know about embarrassment but you are not the one who should worry, if they don’t like it, then they won’t ask you out, but if they {men) do then you got nothing to worry about.
It is hard to stick to the plan, and be motivated, and for me this has a lot to do with my inner thoughts. I think small goals can be helpful, because that helps with not being so overwhelmed. And as far as the guy, perhaps there is other better fish in the sea, and even if the one you like will not wait for your weight loss, it is his loss not yours.
Somehow, you might be even stronger than the girls who never had to deal with weight issues, because you know what it takes and what difference is there.
I know you can do it. I must work on mine so I can catch up to you 

Hi Hellokitty
Thank you, I am glad to be here.
I agree that for many body is a big criteria, but there is nothing I can do to change their desires. I can only work on myself, or ignore it all together. For a long time I believed that something will change, they will notice that available pool consists of everyone, but then I realized something myself.
I was born in Russia, and due to lack of men, girls go out of their way to look great. Even the ones who moved to States prefer to bring wives from there, because they look great.
I would be lying if I said I do not date at all, but the guys I meet are usually shallow. When I find someone normal, who like, usually I get the boot, because they also feel they deserve better. One of the guys who I dated for 2 years, honestly said, “I don’t want to get serious with you, because you are not healthy and I’ve done my best to build my financial future, stay healthy, and want to raise healthy kids”. I cried for days, left him, and every time I meet someone I remind myself not to get too close, because I am still not healthy.
I am certainly hoping I will learn something out of this journey. I am scared of it, but not doing anything at all is even scarier to me now.

Hi Fluffy,

Thanks
I will try to save you a seat but Onderland is limitless, but it is by reservation only, I hear. Once we reserve the time for ourselves to work on our goals, we can reach it. I am trying to learn how to do it, it is tough, but I can see it can be done.

hey all! im recently single , single for a whole 4 days. its hard. i just got out of a long term relationship. . . . props to all of you. its hard , i dont know what to do with my days. but here we .im starting. . . . and im getting fit and getting back out there. i think being in the relationship i was in was bad for my health i put on 60 pounds in our last 3 years . . . soooo nows my chance!!!!!!!!!!!!