I just need to get this off my chest. I am sick of having food control my life. I really am. I have been a mess this whole week. I am so depressed I can't stand it. I am moody. Feeling sorry for myself kind of. Last night I binged on everything I could find. I am so sick of thinking about food all the time. I was wondering when the enthusiasm would leave me this time, and I got my answer. It is happening now. I am not giving up, I just cant seem to stop binging. I look at it as a "demon". I truely picture myself stabbing it and yelling at it and kicking it. I am sick of it controling my life. My emotions, my attitude, the way I treat my family. I can't snap out of this funk.....I have thoughts of just eating and eating and eating.
I am not giving up but just had to type this out. I feel like I am taking two steps forward some days, then some days 3 steps back. Kind of like sabatoge. I have come to realize that I like the "so full I am going to bust" feeling in my stomache. I like the way food feels in my mouth. Since I can't seem to stop this, it is so discouraging and frustrating and makes me so damn sad all the time. I just don't know what more to say. Just really down.